Coping = Fail.
 

So I'm going back to the doctors. I think. I can never decide, because as soon as I do, I'll forget why I was even considering it; and how could I face them? Always so eager for me to be better, so how could I ever tell you otherwise?

Last time I went they told me I was schizophrenic. I didn't believe them. I stopped taking my meds, and oh, look how things have changed. I'm right back where I was, snapping at everyone, drinking, not sleeping, watching my ever changing surroundings, even when nothing's moving. Constantly elated and dead inside, swinging between invincibility and non-existance. Just, sitting on the edge like I always will be.

Anyway, I just wanted somewhere to post updates on what's happening. Will book appointment on monday. I'd like to think someone would wish me luck, but I don't exactly know anyone here.

Good luck
Im sick of the doctors .I was told I was sczhiophrenic too and dont believe it either.Its tough .Dont know really but if youre not happy then you are prob better of doing something about it.Its never a weakness to admit fear or pain or unhappiness.

I guess. I don't think it's me that I'm concerned about (regarding admitting I'm not ok), more friends and family. Their reactions last time weren't exactly fantastic.

maybe when your in the frame of mind of wanting to see a doctor you can write a list of reasons? then you hae something physical as reinforcement to help you get and go to the appintment

Dont worry about other people .You are more important.Who cares about what others think anyway.

Yeah, I tried that before. Problem is, I always end up feeling fine and regretting writing it and either binning it or deleting it, leaving me back at square one. Maybe I just lack nerve. Well, either way I'm going to call them on Monday, I'm resolved to do that, and then I'll take it from there I guess.

@reallifetime: I tend to agree in this state of mind, but there's always a part of me that doesnt want to see their reactions. Of course, they don't *have* to know.

On a side note, has anyone got any tips on coping with paranoia in town? I'm sick of feeling followed all the time...its sick. I hate it. I just want to walk among everyone and not be always looking over my shoulder, feeling so self conscious, and isolated.

feeling paranoid usually helps if youre not alone.being with another person leaves you less open to these thoughts.I know this isnt always viable though.I know everyone on here says listen to music ,and you do love music so thats a good option.maybe fill your mind with thoughts of:what will I cook for dinner?Sounds stupid but I think about writing when Im driving .There is no sure fire way of completely getting rid of this paranoia unless you are on the proper meds.Not that I know whether you need them or not .But thinking youre being followed is a sign of psychotic thinking .

Thank you for the reply. I'll definitely try to distract myself.

Good luck at the doctors.hate doctors brrrrrrrrrr

I don't think I can do it. Sure my life's pretty messed up, but if I go, if they give me some label, regardless of the fact it doesn't change who I am, I'll forever have that label and it *will* affect my life.

even if they do give you a label you don't have to tell anyone, and it may not be a forever type label.

What they say has nothing to do with your life.Nobody has said to me prop whats wrong with me .I dont care as long as I dont go crazy again.its up to me not them.
If you need help ask for it.

finally got up the nerve to go. tomorrow morning.

i'm proud. you'll find him again, i promise.

This is wonderful advice

I hope it went okay

xox