i am scared
 

i am scard......i am experiencing things that i have never experienced before. i am terrified if i tell my doc or psych they will think i have lost it and lock me up. i am unsure of what it actually is that i am experiencing and i feel so isolated and alone. looking for a little support / undersanding. anyone there?

Try and find out what you're feeling... But I do know how you feel about feeling isolated and alone.
It'll be best to tell your psych, she may try and put you away but it could do you the world of good. You can also appeal against it if you don't want to go inside. I think they'd put you away if you were feeling suicidal of they thought you were going to harm yourself or others... Is that what you're feeling?

Feel free to PM me if you need anything :)

honestly .... its hard to say but i think i am suicidal. i no longer want to live my life like this. i am so tired of it all. but more than that i dont know what this mind set is. before it was depression... i was depressed but now...now it is something different. idk its like depression on speed? idk if that makes sense?

I see...
I understand, depression on speed is one way to put it...
Does everything seem kinda distorted? Like, it's hard to explain, but does it feel like you're not here and you feel like you're immune to everything and that nothing could hurt you because it's not here?
Do you have hallucinations or racing thoughts, or anything else you can name?

em on top of the symptomes of depression i have experienced hallucinations, racing thoughts, delutional thinking, flight of though, impulsiveness, agitation, irratibility and 'rage' and i dont understand why?



thanks for talking to me

I see... I wouldn't google what you have, I did that and there are a few mental disorders that have the same symptoms i.e. Hallucinations, racing thoughts and delutional thinking are all symptoms or schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and psychotic depression.
The symptoms following sound like bipolar disorder, but don't think of this as a diagnosis, I don't want to lead you down the wrong path and have you worrying more than you already are.
Maybe if you told your psych these things in a calm way she'll think twice before putting you in hospital. I told my psych that I was self harming again and felt suicidal, but she didn't send me away and I think it was because I told her calmly. If you act and talk irrationally then she might think you are more at risk.

And don't worry, I'd like to help you as much as I can

my psych has suggested bipolar disorder to me already. but what i dont understand is that its all happening at once. how can anyone possibiliy be depressed and manic at the same time? i am so frustrated!!!


thank you

It's what they call a mixed episode, I get them. I feel like I have so much energy but i can't be bothered and don't want to do anything... Does it feel like that? It'll be hard to understand with at first... Maybe looking up bipolar disorder (as you psych suggested it could be that) on the internet may help you understand? When I was diagnosed with depression I looked it up and finally understood why I felt the way I did.
I understand your frustration, I was just coming to terms with the fact that I have depression and may be getting better but then I have to go and see a psychiatrist because of something else. It's natural to feel that way, but try not to let it overwhelm you (I say that because I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed, not just to make you feel better (: ), just take slow steps, day by day, so you don't get ahead of yourself and then feel lost.

That's okay (:

no it doesnt feel like that... idk maybe it does.

Hmmm... So you have a kind of numbness where you aren't really sure of what's going on around you?
Do you feel detached from your surroundings and other people?

no its more i feel so many things at once i am unsure what i really feel and what i dont. also i am having trouble distinguishing hallucinations from reality i am unsure what is really going on. i just wanna hide and cry but it wont help as all these things are going on in my head

So they're all mixed up and you can't distinguish one feeling from another?
I understand how you're feeling... Maybe try and do something to take you away? Listen to music, draw, meditate, anything that could possibly calm you down? Your thoughts sound like they are racing and causing you anxiety... Maybe write down everything you're thinking as it comes?
You may find you write a lot.
Tell me if you think I'm not helping or I'm doing something wrong... I don't wanna make you worse or something x

course your not doing anything wrong i just am thankful your talking to me. i am starting to panic about my appointment tomorrow.

Ahh okay (:

Who do you have an appointment with?
Just breathe through it, they can only take you away if they have your or a parents' consent, if you show them that you're stable then they may consider it but they won't act on impulse.
Just remember to take calming breaths, and don't hold back on anything because if you do then they won't have a full picture of how you are, and then something could happen that would be out of their control because you didn't tell them about it.
They don't want to hurt you, they're here to help you (:

its with a new psych. i cant make sense of myself at the momrnt how can i expect anyone else to understand? i hate this all i dont want to do it anymore

Is your speech not making sense or can you not understand your thoughts?
I know how horrible it is, but you have to stick it out, it'll get better, trust me it will, I know it seems horrible at the moment, i totally understand, but it will get better, you just have to give it time.
I know that's the last thing you want to do, but it'll be necessary