Sorry I'm typing this post. =.=
 

First off, you don't have to read if you don't want to. I'm just pathetic and not worth the attention. I don't deserve it. If someone posts back, I'll be surprised.

Whatever...

Well, my own pathetic self was being stupid last night and stayed up all night, and now it's 5:45 am and I am tired. I'm considering cutting to wake myself up. I know I'm being a stupid self-centered brat.

I shouldn't have stayed up, but I wasn't thinking. I was just doing things on the computer, then I fell asleep for about 30 minutes--woke up gasping for air. Then I fell asleep again in a sitting position, and woke because of pain. I'm such an idiot! I should have gone to sleep when I needed to.

Now I'm just pretty much showing how much a loathe myself at this point in time. Great, huh? How much one person can wanna hurt themselves so bad over a little lack of sleep. Well...

I guess this is all I have to say, and I bet ten bucks that by the time you read this I will have cut like the stupid effing moron I am!

Good day, Brianna

Gosh, now I sound like an attention whore, that is wallowing in self-pity. Ughhh!

You are NOT an attention whore. You deserve to be listened to, you deserve to be happy and healthy.

Why did you stay up? Did you not want to go to sleep? PM me if you need to talk.

Take care, and as Gonny said, you do deserve to be listened to. Heck, thats what this site is all about. We're here because we care and want to offer support. Which, i know right now might not seem much help, but sometimes, just knowing that someone cares can help? I dont know...but alls you can do is try to get through the day and try to get a good nights sleep tonight. Dont beat yourself up over it. I hope you're ok, and if you ever need to talk, i will always listen xXx

BTW I you guys owe me ten bucks. haha. But I didn't go to sleep because I wasn't thinking. I Didn't look at the time til around 4 then just stayed up after that.

And I feel better after slipping up.. And I feel no guilt for slipping up either, as horrible it is. I'm dreading school.. But whatever.

And sometimes I don't feel I deserve anything.. I feel that way a lot.

you deserve to feel better.
what is it that you don't like about school?
why were you gasping for air when you woke up the first time? bad dream? some kinda physical problem?
i may owe you ten bucks but it's no can do. i only have pound sterling :P

What do you get out of hating yourself so much?

*hugs*

I got out of hating myself so much becuase I try to focus on something else or I'll distract myself. And about school.. Somehow EVERYONE know's I cut, so I'm their little cutter. I also cut more at school this afternoon. I am just a disaster.

What if you started focusing on what's good about you instead?

I can't! When I try to think pretty, my brain sends a message back 'ugly'. skinny 'fat' and so forth... I don't know how to talk sweet about myself. I can't do much right. Not even cutting. I always cut shallow and one kid in school looked at my wrists and said 'Those aren't cuts. Those are scraps.' I dunno why are care so much about that but I do... In fact, I started cutting deeper since then... More sub-consciously though.

Maybe try and think about all of the things that are good about yourself inside, looks aren't everything.

Take care,

xxx

It takes time to re-train your brain, to re-programme it. Something I have to constantly work on, too. But it is possible.

Brianna - no way are you attention seeking :( msn me when you are next on and we can talk about it ♥ stay safe x