the triggers
 

oh my god. everywhere i turn. triggers. flashback triggers. flashbacks to finding him.
in such common place things. things of brightness and joy for so many, twist me inside and make me ill. show me what i saw that day. what haunts me.
balloons. helium balloons., just typing it, makes me feel so sick. so ****ing sick. my head hurts.
so many triggers. so so many. so common place, so triggering. ****, i cant take it sometimes
i cant escape them
someone make me forget what i saw. make me forget how he was. it was too horrible. he didnt look peaceful
he didnt look like he was sleeping
i feel sick
going to go blank my brain

Oh Erin sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what to say, but drinking to blank it out isn't going to help sweetheart. Doing anything to blank it out won't help in the long run - it'll still be there to deal with when you sober up or whatever.
You know where I am darling.
Go wrap yourself up in your duvet, put on a hoodie. Read a book or something just to escape in a natural way for a bit.
xxx