i cant take it any more
 

i really need to get this out
i cant take it any more
here is my story... (btw im sorry if its kinda all over the place)

three years ago in seventh grade when i was twelve, i was starting at a new school, i thought i would have so much fun but i was wrong
my mom made me join band, and because i hadnt practiced i was in the "bad band" and i ended up sitting next to this guy, lets call him josh, id rather not use his real name, well josh creeped me out a bit, he was always staring at me in class
one day in class he started rubbing my leg, i told him to stop, but he didnt, i didnt know what else to do, i was wearing a skirt that day(we have uniforms so i do everyday), and he started putting his hand up my skirt IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS, i hit him really hard and told him to stop again, so he did
a few weeks later i was staying after school for a club, and i was walking outside by myself, i had left a book in my locker, we have all these fancy courtyards and paths in our school with lots of bushes and flowers and stuff like that, well i was walking along one of the paths, and he was walking past, he grabbed me and threw me into the bush, it was particularly late, so NO ONE was around, usually there are people there but school was absolutely deserted
after he threw me into the bush he went up my skirt and pulled down my underwear
he mollested me, i was lucky he didnt rape me, but im still scarred for life from this, he did this repeatedly over the course of that whole year, i dont know how he caught me alone so many times, but he did

at the begining of this year, he came up to me and apologized for everything he did, he really seemed sorry, i mean i was still scared of him and never went anywhere alone, but i let my gaurd down a little
then, my brother and his brother graduated this year, and he somehow managed to get me alone and he mollested me again, AFTER he apologized

i havent been able to talk to anyone about this
i hope i didnt trigger anyone, sorry if i did

*hugs* dont apologise for posting your story...
what this guy did to you is criminal, and it really doesnt matter that he never raped you, it was still assualt. and the only reason he said sorry was to make himself feel better. he never cared how you felt before and he still doesnt care.
are you able to see a counsellor about this, at school maybe or privately?
or have you thought about reporting what he did to you. find someone close that you trust to talk to, it might help.
take care hun and remember you did nothing wrong here
xoxoxox

I agree with what bloodletting said, what he did was inexcusable and criminal.
You'd think that after he had apologised that stood for something but unfortunately there are some sick men out there.
I'm sorry it had to happen to you sweetie.
Please try to get some help, whether it be telling a friend or talking to a counsellor.

Take care
.x.
PM me if you need to talk

i actually tried to go to a counselor about it but i couldnt really get anything out, i just told her i was abused and she wanted a meeting with my parents and everything, it was such a mess
and im going to try telling someone soon, i can just never bring myself to say it, i just choke up

*hugs* im sorry you had to go through that
maybe you could try writing it down if youre having trouble getting out words?

i kinda of have more to my story, im not sure if i should post it here, but heres how a conversation went between me and my EX-"best friend" had in the begining of the year
we were in the cafeteria afterschool waiting to go to swim practice and "josh" walked in, so i hid my head, hoping he wouldnt notice me, which of course he did anyway, and purposely walked past me and "accidently" touched my shoulder as he did so, then he left and heres the conversation
carly: whats wrong with you? why are you so scared of him?
me: *deep breath* *thinking: so ok here goes nothing* carly, i have to tell you something...swear you wont tell anyone
carly: yea, of course
me: carly he... he um...
carly:...yea
me: he...touched me
carly: so...
me: no carly, you dont get it...he touched me
carly: no, i do get it, he felt you up, so what? whats the big deal? jesus michelle your such a ****ing drama queen.

that was the last time i considered her a friend, i got so depressed after that, i started cutting again (i had before because of him)
i just dont know what to do anymore

*hugs*
i'm so sorry. he is lucky that i live in alaska. *shakes fist* i'm having a hard time thinking of what i can say because my thoughts are fit for posting. please report him. i'm sorry about your old friend. she obviously mis undestood and did not care that you were so upset.
*many more tight hugs*

Maybe you should tell someone, like someone at school like a principle or hell maybe your parents or the police, I'm sorry I didn't say something in my PM I forgot about your thread until about 10 minutes ago.
*hugs*

erm telling someone like a teacher you really really trust or is usually really nice to you might work, good luck in whatever couse of erm...action you choose ^^ *hugs*