Am I depressed again or just normal?
 

Hello everyone,

I used to be a member of RYL for a while but I’ve been away for about 2 years now and now I’m back with my old problems.

First briefly about my history; In my past I have suffered from anorexia nervosa, depression and anxiety attacks. My problems first started about 4-5 years ago, when I was in high school (now I’m 21) and since then I’ve gone through a series of therapies and also been hospitalized once (because of SI and depression). I’ve been on anti-depressants, but after 2 years I stopped taking them last spring because I had managed to get my symptoms under control and was in a good condition.

Now I’m living in my flat with a roommate, I have an amazing boyfriend who I’m crazy in love with, a job and I’m studying to be a nurse. For the last year or so I’ve been feeling fine overall and just normal and happy and balanced for the first time in a really long time and it’s been great. I am seeing a psychiatric nurse once a month and so far it’s been ok.

But the past few months I have started to experience lack of energy, tiredness and just plain hopelessness. I’m tired all the time. I cry for no reason. I feel like I just get angry and annoyed really easily. I feel like my moods are out of control and my behaviour is out of control. I have no interest in anything anymore. I’m scared coz now it’s slowly starting to affect on my relationships.
I just start a fight with my boyfriend for no reason and then just cry and cry. I have no energy to do anything anymore. Even school feels like too much right now.

At first I thought maybe my hormones are just a little bit out of control and it would settle but now I think this has been going on too long. I still have some good days but there are more and more bad days all the time.

But I don’t know what to do or where to turn to. I would appreciate your opinion and advice. Thank you for reading this whole vent through. I don’t wanna trouble anyone but I’m getting desperate.

laura

It does sound like you're experiencing depression symptoms again. Have you told your CPN what's been going on for you, and if not, do you feel able to do this?

I havent yet but I am thinking about it.
I dont know if i can do it though. I'm not sure what i should say or if there's anything to say or do really.

You could tell her what you've told us.
She could recommend medication, and/or perhaps increase your level of support for a while.

I just don't know how to deal with this in the mean while. I still have about 2 weeks to go before my next appointment with her and I can barely make it through the day but it's definitely struggling. And I'm scared coz I know that if i carry on like this my boyfriend is not gonna wanna be with me anymore and my friends will get sick of me always venting and i'll start failing at school. I can already see it all happening and I don't feel like there's anything I can do to stop it.

You could make an appointment to see your GP in the meantime, or speak to your uni's counselling service, perhaps?

I know I could but it's just really really hard to go and speak to a new person and go through everything from the beginning. I'm not sure if I have the energy to do that.

see my post below! Posted the same one twice somehow so I'm deleting this...

Hi Laura,
These are symptoms of depression as I imagine you know:Feeling a bit like this sometimes is fairly "normal" - but if it's been going on several months and really starting to affect your life it's time to do something about it.

I know it's hard to go through it yet again with someone new - but seeing a GP could be a good idea. You could print out what you've said above and show them?

Think about how important it is to keep hold of the good things you've got in your life now - worth the stress of having an appointment and explaining stuff. It doesn't mean you are heading back to how things were before, just that you are still a bit vulnerable to mood problems and need to take that into account to carry on doing well
xxx

What you say here is really classic depressed thinking - it may not happen the way you imagine andthere are things you can try and do.

Thanks for all your guys advice.

i'm not sure what i'm gonna do yet but i'm thinking very hard about maybe starting intensive therapy and perhaps even getting back to my medication. I feel like I'm very out of balance and I hate the way I am right now.