RYL Forums - I can't go...

Ok so my great grandmother passed away a few days ago. She was 100 years old so my family has been kind of waiting for it I guess. That sounds awful to put but its true. Anyway her funeral is this up coming Monday. My sister told me the times and where it’s going to be at. But the thing is I really don’t want to go. Not because I just don’t want to but because the last funeral I went to I ended up for days after self harming and not eating I got very sick. I just don’t want to go though that again. So I let my sister know that I might not show up and I told her why. She understood and didn’t have a problem with it. But it’s not her im worried about. I know today my dad is going to call me and ask if im going. Even if I tell him the truth he still is going to get upset with me and tell me things like “You need to do this for the family stop being selfish.” Or “suck it up and go.” He just really doesn’t understand how this will bug me. How am I going to tell him with out making him mad…well the rest of my family for that matter? I feel like crap now because I think my family is just going to see me being lazy and not caring... But it’s the opposite I care to much! I hate seeing people cry because I don’t. So I hold it in the whole time and come home and self harm. What am I going to say to them? I really hate talking about my self harm with them too. So I would rather not say anything about it. But yet I don’t really want to lie either…ugh im stuck between a hard place and a rock. Any ideas?