i'm a crazy little piece of work.
 

i'm spacey.
and shakey.
and panicky.
and i jump from being okay to not in a matter or moments.
i'm a crazy little piece of work.
and i feel guilty about it.
isn't that stupid?
i actually feel really guilty that people have to put up with me.
because i'll be fine for a week or a month or however long...
and then all of a sudden i'm having a paic attack and they don't know what to do.
and they thought this was over.
or i was over it.
or whatever.
and there i am again ruining things for them.
so sometimes i wish everyone would just leave.
for themselves...
so they wouldn't have to put up with me.
because i know it'd be so much harder for me.
but i don't know how anyone deserves having to deal with me.

and i don't want to think like this.
but right now i can't get past it.

There isn't a day gone by when I don't think my friends are mad for putting up with me.
I think the only thing you can do is explain your problems to them - people are more understanding after that.
Never let them forget how much their supports mean to you.
If they wanted to leave you, they would. Everyone has problems. But, with friends, the good outweighs the bad. The good makes the bad worth it.
Because that's what friendship is. :)

Many many people suffer from panic attacks or at least some form of anxiety. You're not a burden, I'm sure. You're not ruining everything.
A good start would be to track what might be triggering the episodes. That can help you gain some more sense of control.

You shouldn't feel guilty at all hon. You can't help being how you are. It's good that you have decent amounts of time where you are okay.
Have you any idea what sets off these panic attacks?
You aren't crazy you just have some issues and they can be overcome or managed :)
Feel free to message me if you like.
(hugs)
xx

i have social anxiety disorder. and for the most part i have it managed. but when i don't. i don't. so a lot of times it's that. that or an OCD thing.

and thank you. all of you.
this is helping.

I have social anxiety too so I can relate.

it's like i've done so much to handle it already. like that's what i've spent the past year on. and now...sometimes it feels like it was all for nothing. like whatever i do it's not enough to actually help. because there will still be those days like back then.

and my OCD has been off the wall lately. probably because i'm frustrated and freaked out. but still. i get so mad at myself for it.