triggering drug addiction? something im not exactly sure
 

i hadn't done anything besides drink lately.
then i made a stupid choice and asked old friends who use to come hangout...
i did cocaine.
what the hell was i thinking?
im SUCH AN IDIOT
and im lying to everyone
i was only 90 days from drugs
i didnt tell anyone i still drink.
im a f***ing lying sack of s***
i know how to stay sober
but i wont help myslef.
it also doesnt help im bipolar II.
hella rapid cycling, and it only got worse
when i am under the influence of these things.
coke wasn't even my drug of choice,
what the hell.
if im going to relapse can it at least be on meth or heroin
those were the main two.
if im going to relapse it should be better than a small amount of coke.
drugs were the worst thing i ever started.
they made me even more a piece of crap than before.
ew.
im a disgusting tweaker.
:sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad::sad:
i think i need advice i dunno
im going to hella counciling.
so i dunno.
just nothing he says click's.
help :/

i cant say much on thios apart from its a good thing that you didnt relapse onto heroin.xx

you can live sober. i know for a fact that you can. my best friend is also extremely bipolar. she cycles about every hour. her d.o.c. is also heroin, but of course anything would do. she now has over a year clean and sober. 90 days off drugs is wonderful. a little slip with cocaine is not that big a deal. it is much better to slip with that than heroin or meth.
i understand how drinking can help keep you off of the other drugs, but i would suggest that maybe you should stop everything. once you detox everything out of your system it is better.
you are not an idiot. you are not a lying sack of s**t. you are just a person with substance problems. i would suggest being honest with everyone. tell your counselor. if you goto any recovery groups, tell them too. if people know what is going on then they can help you more.
*big giant hugs*
take care and pm me any time you want

as a partial tweaker myself ( read url name) your honestly setting yourself up when you drink. for some reason, maybe the fact that alchohal messes with your judgement, you think " oh, ill just do a line" but it doesnt work that way in reality. trust me, if your going to be drinking be sure to be away from other drugs

Does it help to beat yourself up over what happened? You got 90 days clean and imo you don't lose those 90 days cuz of a a slip. :-) Hang in there. *hugs*

Marte