the demon
 

I hate me
You know that


I wish I wasnt so tied to words that I could say what I wanted to.

I wish I could say what is holding inside. BUt it wont come out.

I have a demon in me. I will relase it tonight. I must release it or risk worse.

Seclusion again. I am in a one person world butting heads against me. I dont expect you to understand, although maybe it is I that doesnt understand.

What has happened to me? Why am I gone again?

It is this demon.

Someone set me free.

It must be me.





Rain

We understand you Rainy.
You have beenhere before and so you know that you can still escape.
Keep fighting it hunni.
Even if you only start breaking your seclusion by posting and talking on here. Its a start. Remeber those baby steps. Take each day at a time. You can do this.

i just want to give you *gentle hugs*
please try and be as safe as you can.
much much love.
xx

i couldnt do it
am i stronger than i think?
maybe because it would ruin the plans of vacatoin next week
i have given myself a goal
yes
a goal
i havent set a positive goal in quite some time
a goal
until we get back



i called my counsellor and told her i held off
it wasnt right
not yet
maybe
just maybe
i am getting there...to the stronger me

i have other things working for/against it, but for now no cutting.

*shakes someones hand to seal the deal.


Throws a frog (cause I am good at that)

Rain

*hugs tightly* im here if you need totalk xxx

YAY well done Rain!
You can hold off, but find another way to get the feelings out. be it writting, drawing screamming, running aroud naked if it works for you.
But your right, this is a step in the postive direction.

*lobs frog back to you* :o)
you ARE stronger than you think...i have SEEN it time and time again...i beleive
i am here for you hunni tho i guess it doesnt seem it does it?
so sorry
luv you girly
romp

ever feel everyone knows something you dont? or that they are so sick of you that you become paranoid? or that you cant cut off limbs and still survive? or cut to the bone and not bleed? or that a demon is in you and that you have to slice open to let it out so you can see reality? or that if you do what you want to do, no one will understand? or they would be mad? or you would be locked away?


Or that you are smart enough to know the difference, dont do anything (trying not to be cryptic so states ___CUTTING YOURSELF) and feel like such a loser cause you dont know what or who to turn to or trust in life?


when i make a promise to someone else it became easy to say 1 more day... now, it is hard not to 'TOY' around one more hour.


drawing pictures of what to be?
writting out how it will be?
burning it away so there is no "evidence"

darn Rain,

Darn this is hard




shuts the **** up and leaves you alone.

Yes this is hard, but your still here fighting it.
Things are always easier if you know you have friends at your side. And we are here to help you fight. Do something you enjoy. Listen to music, dance around your living room, decorate your house. Do something which might lift your spirit.

No shutting up for you m'dear. You need to keep at this talking rubish. No matter how hard it is. Do a little of it everyday. It does get easier. But if you leave it, every time will feel like the first time all over again.

(ha, right now im listening to Christmas songs. Hows that for getting up and dancing.)

offering more *hugs*
much love.
xx