Wanting to go back to hospital
 

This is a stupid post because no one can really answer it but I just want to get it out. 2 weeks ago I was discharged from a psych ward and ever since then all i've wanted to do is go back. I dream about it, daydream about it, everything that I see reminds me of hospital and it makes my heart ache. Hospital is the only place where I am cared for and looked after. I like the 'forced' routine and being away from my family. But, when I was in hospital, I wanted to go home because it was making me feel agitated and trapped. There is no winning in this situation. I don't know what to do. I'm hurting so much.

I had that when I was discharged. It really hurt, I wanted to be cared for too and at times I hated the hospital but really missed it when I got discharged.

It does fade over time.

I can understand why you feel this way, and I'm really sad that your only comfort has come from times spent in psychiatric wards.

What helped me was engaging in day services. It's almost like I built another "safe place" with the help of the staff and other clients. It feels good to be able to connect with people there, but also to be able to leave whenever I want and to go home at night-time, knowing they will be there the next day, or in a few days, or whenever I'm due to see them next.

That support may come from NHS day services (although not all areas still use those, and those that do tend to be more heavily structured around groups and time-limits) but often there are also day services run in the community, by social services or Mind.

When you have managed to settle in there, which can take a while, you get the best of both worlds; care, nurturing and support from other people, and also the opportunity to self-nurture when you are away from the service (days off, night-times etc.)

I can really relate to this. I was in hospital for quite some time and all that time i wanted to get out. But I've been out for 5months now and sometimes still yearn to go back. I miss the routine, the feeling of being protected from work /family pressure, feeling part of something - like, for once, i fit in, that there were always people around.

Not stupid in the least; as you can see, many of us feel the very same way.
I hope you can find a day program of sorts.

I feel like this. I have got work experience which has helped. I also see my parents regularly. But the thing that is helping me the most is being in supported accommodation.

Sorry for bumping this, i'm just feeling so low and everything is reminding me of hospital. My clothes, the shower, songs...I can't do this. Hospital is the only thing that is going to make things better for me but I am well enough to be in the community right now and I obviously don't want to get more unwell. Also, I couldn't stay in hospital forever. I don't know how to get through this.

*cuddles lots* I know exactly how you are feeling right now hun, I am feeling like hosp would just be better for me too... only slight problem - everyone thinks I am doing really well:(

your not alone, here if you wana chat at all

I wish I could be back in hospital too, I also feel I need to be as I feel insane at the moment with derealisation, but my nurse thinks I'm doing well. Lots of things remind me of hospital too, and I think of what I'd be doing if I was in there, I too like the security and being cared for, and having people visit me and bring me things, doing the ot every day, having other patients to talk to, yeah I miss it, even the layout of the place. The first time I was in I absolutely hated it, yet once I got out all I could think of was being back in so you're not the only one with that either. Hope you're ok and I'm sorry this is hurting you.

Hmm, I do not think this is a silly thing to be thinking or feeling at all.

However, I noticed that one of the things you liked about being in hospital was the structure it provided. Perhaps, if you could sit down and create a time-table, a structure of your own to do outside of hospital, perhaps building in visits to a day centre, or to the local town centre so that you do have some form of routine and can find a level of security and consistency in that.

I do not know much about ward stays, but I know that routine and structure can help a lot.

*hugs*

I echo Roiben. When I was messing about all day, I felt v v depressed and generally rotten. Now I am doing work experience, going to the library to study and trying to go out with friends, even though I rarely feel like it. Its helped me so much having structure in my life.

I think what I want the most is to be away from my family and to have care and support. I can't get that outwith hospital. I wish I knew how to move forward. I actually can't wait until my next relapse so that I can go back to hospital but at the same time I know that when i'm in hospital I won't want to be there.

I feel so ashamed.

You don't have to be ashamed. I feel the same, though I think for very slightly different reasons.

It confuses me a lot. Do you have someone you can talk about it to? They might be able to give a different perspective on things.

Love. xx

I'm scared to tell anyone in case, when I do have to go back to hospital because I am unwell, they think that I am playing up so that I can get into hospital. I would never do that.