Woah.
 

I don't know if I should be posting this or if this is the right forum but..

I am struggling. I have my own things going on. My moods and my eating and my temper. And then there's my insecurity and paranoia.

I've just spoken to my boyfriend. He's just come back from holiday and he's got his own stuff going on. He has chronic depression, bad IBS and family problems and it's rather serious.

I can't handle my feelings. I can't handle caring so much about someone but having all these problems come along with it, it feels utterly numbing. It is not a case of him or leaving him or anything like that. (Though however much he reassures me I fear that happening) It's just way too overwhelming and I don't know how to cope let alone what to do.

I feel like I'm totally alone because he does not want me to worry at all. I can't talk to my parents, I need my independance from this relationship there, I need some privacy there. I can't talk to my friends, I have no real-life ones except ones that he is quite close to to. I have my support worker coming to see me soonish.

It's hard, so ****ing hard and I don't know how to deal with his depression. I've been sheltered in my life, in a strange way in that I've spent most of my teenagehood in psychiatric hospitals where there is a lot of illness going on and friendships but I have no responsibility for making it better. That's someone elses job. And after my 6 months or whatever that's it, I go home, and I always know I'm going to go, and I'm always in the same position myself.

I really feel crushed. Like I'm falling. I am helpless to help him. I care about him so much and then I'm angry too that things can't be ok for us. I'm not asking for miracles, just normality and it feels so unfair.

Can anyone relate? Can anyone help?

(And sorry that I didn't know what title to put)

Edit: And I'm sorry, I realise lots of people's lives here are pretty ****, but I am struggling, don't know where to turn.

I think it's important here that you aren't too harsh on yourself for situations that you can't really do anything about. You really need to look after yourself in order to look after others as well otherwise you can end up making yourself more ill. If you feel that other people are in control of your recovery, where exactly is your role in your recovery? What do you want to gain from this? I mean it's very easy to say "I just want everything to be ok" but it's really really important to break this down and maybe make a list of what it is you want to achieve.

If you say you have seen a number of health professionals, what is it that was beneficial to you? What was a negative experience for you? Is there anything that you could possibly take from what you have been through before that helped you that you could modify and use to help you now?

When I was feeling really down there were things that were important to me and it was vital to my recovery that I never forgot these. One was maing sure that I went out and socialised with my friends even if I didn't really feel like it and then there were other things like making sure I went into work but didn't do too much overtime. I think that making a list of what was really important to me really helped.

I hope you start feeling a bit better soon, it can feel like your whole world has collapsed but it is possible to get through this.

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time *hugs*

I know it can be REALLY difficult to deal with not only your own problems but the problems of a significant other. Unfortunately often there is very little you can do to help the other person. It sounds like you're already just being as supportive as you can by being there for him when he needs someone to listen and I hope you can try and recognize that, that is really all you can do and there is nothing wrong with that.

My best advice is to focus on yourself right now. And in turn that will likely help your boyfriend as well. Do things that make you feel better and help you if you can. Reach out to the resources you do have. Post here just like you have when you need support. If you're in school, a school counselor may be another resource. Mental health hotlines can also be a resource.

*hugs*

Miranda <3

I'm sorry this is hard for you. I understand. I always have a really hard time dealing with other's problems on top of my own. What is really important is that you put your own problems first and just do your best to be there for him. All you can really do is support him when he needs it and listen to him when he wants to talk. You really should put the most focus on yourself though hun, you are most important.

Love you,

Jess x