I DONT WANT TO DIE ALONE...but im alredy dead
 

im already dead inside so will it relly matter if i kill myself. my body is covered in scars and it discusts me. no one relly likes me. i have mo friends and the people i live with only put up with me because there payed for it. i need to be honest before my life is over, im sorry im not strong any more. im slowly going over the edge im too far gone for saving. i fantasise about killing myself and hoping she will find me, with a note next to me saying i did it for her. just to know she cares. or just before i die her finding me and as i lay in her arms dieing telling her i did it for her. all i know is i want to die and i want her to find me. not out of spite but shes the only one i want there. i cant deal with life any more maby if she dosent find me she will find this on here. if she dose then kelly im doing this for you. i dont want to lose you so u will lose me. i dont know how long ive got left this is just to hard do deal with. i want to die

*hugs* i know you're going through a lot. but dying really isn't the answer. i'm sure people do like you. but when you're depressed that's hard to see. try and think about how much it will hurt kelly when you die. she cares about you. i know you may not be able to be around her for much longer, but someone else will come into your life. this really doesn't have to be the end. you're not too far gone. nobody is. with the correct meds and support you can get better. so please don't hurt yourself. you can always pm me if you need to talk, and if you'd like, i can give you my instant messenger info.

yeah i guess it will hurt kelly if i did do anything. yeah ill pm u if u are ok with that. i know it seems like im over reacting but it dostent feel like that to me. thank you for talking to me it helps. but i still feel the same way. when she comes in to work i cant look at her and i barly speak to her. other staff over the last few weeks have said i have manipulated her in the past and that hurts because i didnt mean to. i dont want kelly to think that.

It sounds like you're feeling as if all your life is sucked out of you by this relationship problem.
You feel so empty and confused and hurting.
But you can replenish yourself.
The pain is taking all your strength right now. I also hear how much it aches that your intentions are misunderstood.
You can come back from the edge, it'll be ok. The raw feelings will subside and you can start to feel safe again. But you need to be open with those around you to help this along.

but how do i do that. they think im just using her. what do i do???

Tell them what you think and feel.

i cant. they wouldnt understand. i guess its to late now anyway.

It's never too late to help someone understand.

*hugs* i agree it's never too late, and yes you are definitely welcome to pm me. i'm sure they'll understand that you care for her a lot and are hurting by the fact that you will have to let her go.