talking about it for the first time
 

I am currently trying to get an earlier appointment with my counselor but I am freaking out. Do to a class memories of sexual abuse surfaced and I am feeling like I want to explode and I am dirty and just ugh. I am very scared about talking to my counselor about it. If any one could me some suggestions or even support it would be nice :notsure::ermm:..... Sorry, I am freaking out right now.:crying:

so I'm going tomorrow and am freaking out.

It's a really positive thing that you are going to talk about this with a counsellor. They are there to help you and help you understand things. I know it is scary, but you are at the stage of thinking this will help you improve (and hopefully it will!). I'm sorry I don't have many words, but I wish you luck tomorrow. Take your time.

ok...so I wasn't able to tell her much... I went and froze.. She understood and asked some questions....she wants me to write down what I can....ugh, why did I have to remember?

You may have remembered because it was time - it probably doesn't feel like there is ever a time for something like this -- I know. It is very hard to talk about but for me it did help to talk - it was scary and at first I didn't feel different but it did help. You are very brave. The brain is a strange thing - it can hide things from us for a long time and then, for no reason apparent to us, bring it back as though it just happened. Just a suggestion - maybe write it down and destroy it. Then write it down again. Repeat this until you feel like you don't need to destroy it. This helped me - I bur5ned the papers, ripped them up, stomped them - it seemed to relieve some of the rage. You are not alone - others have been there. *leaves you hugz for if and when you need them*

Thank you... I wrote it down for the first time tonight and hated it... Tomorrow I see the counselor again.. I like the idea of writing it down and destroying it. I think after I see the counselor tomorrow I'm going to do that.. I'm feeling hesitant on showing it to her. My emotions are very messed up and astrew(right word?) right now. I was in another class tonight and for some reason got flashbacks and hated it. I know that it will help in my recovery but I wish I hadn't remembered. I hate it right now.

I hope that you feel a little more comfortable with your counselor today. Writing things down is always good for those rabbit in the head light moments.
I can understand that your emotions are messed up at the moment, its ubderstandable, but maybe as nailz said, its the time for you to start processing this thing. Locking it up inside will only make it worse.
try and let your counselor know your concerns.
thinking of you.

k x

I saw here and ended up not showing her what I wrote. Thankfully she understands that I am not ready to talk about it. She told me that I need to let her know when I am ready to talk about it out loud... I just don't know if I ever will.... thats the only problem

Im sorry I havent got any words of advice for you.
But I just wanted you to know that youre not alone
feeling the way you do. I too am at the same stage
as you of discussing issues and Im not ready either.

Much love and hugs xx