Going insane. *Triggers Drugs*
 

Just recently my mom found out how serious my cutting was. I mean, she knew about it, but then she made me show her my cuts and it was horrible. I felt so degraded.

Ever since then, she's been doing random checks, taking me to a bunch of stupid evaluations that make me show my scars and cuts.

I haven't cut in about a month and two weeks. June 30th was my last cut. I think I'm going insane. Not being able to reach two inches away and grab my blade without knowing that my mom will find out.

Since I haven't been able to cut, I've become a very bad chain smoker. I've smoked for about six years, now I'm just getting worse.

I'm about to crack. It's horrible. I want to cut so badly but I'm so afraid. After six years of cutting and then not being able to do it without people finding out and sending me to a mental hospital is killing me!

I really don't know what to do.

First off Well done for going so long without cutting. Even if it because you're worried about the checks atleast its making you stop :)

I knoww its horrible and hard but this is probably the best thing, knowing you can't because someone will find out is helping you to stop and soon you'll be stopping because the urge will go away, and it will in time.

Stick with the no cutting but try to think about doing it for yourself rather than anyone else.

As for the smoking...I totally uped my smoke intake too when I stopped cutting. It's just a way to deal I think, swapping one bad habbit for another. I also took on some other not so nice habbits which i'm dealing with myself.

PM if you need anything:)
Well done && stay strong.
xoxo

I don't think the smoking thing is anything to worry about, my therapist actually suggested I start smoking (of course I got there a bit earlier than she did!)
But just stay strong and don't panic, if you panic about it, it will get worse and the urges will become stronger. You can get through this!
PM me if you need anyone to talk to! Well done for going so long without it!
You can do it!!! Take care :)

I've started smoking a lot more since I've stopped self-harming for a month. In fact, I was going to quit but decided against it because I feel like i need the cigarettes to cope with stress.

Even though cigarettes aren't the most healthy thing they do help and are a whole lot better than SH.