A bit horrified and upset maybe? - shocked
 

At my appointment today i have just been asked by my CPN to do other things first before contacting her when im having a hard time in future.im a bit shocked.i barely ever contact when im in crisis and when i do its cos im really really struggling and as a VERY last resort like after ive taken a large OD and slept 24 hours.i dont understand.i suppose im shocked more than anything.i find it so so hard to contact the services and ask for help.i have tried so much to cope on my own all the time.It has nearly been the death of me.im just shocked.Not even so much angry.Just shocked.Clearly im not trying hard enough to cope on my own......

did you tell them that you only contact them as a last resort as it is?


I'm sure that they didn't mean that you are not trying hard enough, maybe they just really don't realise that you do try other things before calling...

Yes i did tell them.im just totally shocked they didnt realise.Given the situation im in [i cant explain it all in detail on here].

Hun I don't think that's right *offers hugs*, my CPN reassures me that he's my first point of contact if I'm feeling unsafe/having a hard time. Even on the phone, he even said we could have a catch up on the phone because I'm so unwell with swine flu... so basically who are you supposed to contact in case of feeling unsafe/at risk?

I'm so sorry they said that :-( *safe hugs*

*Hugs* I'm sorry to hear your CPN said that. It was very thoughtless and unfair of her. Please try not to take it personally, I know that sounds like a ridiculous thing to say but we all know how hard you are trying and it isn't your fault that your CPN is unable to acknowledge this. I've read a lot of your previous posts and can remember how hard you find it to contact them. I hope your CPN is able to recognise this soon :) xx

I'm sorry your CPN said that hun

don't have much words right now but just wanted you to know I read your post and your not alone

Thanks so much for the kind words and support.i dont think its a bad thing she said it.im just still shocked.i just really cant get over this.i just thought she knew me and my struggles better than this thats all.But its my fault.Maybe i thought it would be obvious when it isnt maybe.

I think it'd be really good if you were honest to her about how it made you feel. She might be able to explain herself better/differently, and I imagine you're the kind of person who wouldn't want to upset anyone and therefore might push these sorts of feelings down or turn them on yourself, so it would be a good move forwards to tell her that you feel upset and let down. Maybe it isn't that she doesn't want you to contact her when you're feeling very bad, but that she wants to encourage you to use other skills as well as getting in touch with her, so you can develop a wide range of things/people to turn to incase she isn't available or isn't able to help. It's like having a big "crisis toolbox" kind of thing. I can really understand why you'd feel doubtful here though. Plus it's okay to be angry. xxx

*cuddles Kath*

That does sound shocking.

However, maybe she was trying to suggest developing coping mechanisms and people or places you can contact before you get to the stage of having taken an OD? like e-mailing Samaritans or contacting a friend?

I think it would help to sit down and talk with her about how it made you feel and ask for some clarification on what she meant.

You are fighting incredibly hard and knowing that does make what she said sound harsh, as I know you do not like asking for help until you really really do need it... maybe the point is to try and ask for the help a little earlier and build up a support network of people and places you can go.

sorry, rambly.

*hugs*
Roiben x

Hi yeah thanks both of you.i know what you mean and im not saying the best at those types of things either.Always room for improvement.And i do get probably whats shes trying to say.Its cool.Maybe i was being oversensitive!i was a bit shocked though and still am.But then i realise maybe i have not been communicating very well at just how much i am struggling and how much i have been trying to do.i guess people cant know unless you tell them!i just thought it would be obvious.Didnt even think about it.But then of course how can these things be obvious to other people so its not really fair.Anyway i have written her a letter now and will probably post tomorrow unless i change my mind and decide not to send it.But hopefully we can communicate a bit more and i can become better at distracting, coping and supporting networks and things and we can sort it out anyway!