-please read- i feel so weird..
 

Hey honey.

If you re-read your post, from an objective point of view, notice what you wrote. "when i was feeling **** ... happier then." Where you really happier then? What is it about being 'back there' that you want, is it the pain, scars, attention, concern, comfort, care? Those are just some of the things I used to crave when I first started giving up self harm.

When you figure out what you are wanting to get from the self harm, you can then figure out another way to get that same feeling. Especially if you were cutting really badly, that can be very dangerous and damaging for you and I really suggest you try and avoid the urges and substitute it with something else. Have a look at this link, it might be of some help to you.

Keep talking - we can work through this. xxx

I think perhaps it was more "all you knew" than about you "being happy" am I right?

Self harm can become a huge habit, you can come to depend on it for everything. Without it, you can seem a little lost. At least that is how I felt when I stopped - like I'd misplaced my comfort blanket.

It clearly isn't healthy to feel this way about something so harmful but I do understand where you are coming from.

Think really hard about what self harm really did for you. I think you'll find the list to be very minimal. Think about what self harm lost you...think about all the negatives. Write them down if you wish and then look back on them when you start craving SH again xxxxx

i know what you mean about it, when i was in hospital it was like i was alloud to be the real me and do what i wanted without argument, but with affection an care form the nurses...

Now I feel like i have to do everything with my own strength and i have nothing or nobody to fall back on... its like im on my own and i was wondering whether that was kinda how you feel.

I know its hard but you will get stronger,

please try to stay safe.

jen xx

Oh i know what you mean I think.
Thats a really weird feeling, I know.
I feel like when I am not SI'ing that I am.. like.. pointless. That no one has a reason to care about me, that no one has a reason to talk to me or try and cheer me up because I have no problems. I felt like I was on my own. (even though EVERYBODY obviously has problems and need support and love and care) You deserve support and love and care whether you are cutting or not.
And like said above, I find if you make a list.. the cons of cutting outweight the "pros". A life without SI is clearly the best choice for all of us, but it is really hard to get to for most of us. Were you really happier when you were cutting? Try and rememeber the bad things... hiding\guilt\embarrasment.. things like that.
I really hope you are ok
You aren't alone

Thank you all for such nice replies and taking the time to bother with me. I think I will make a list. I still feel the same at the moment. :(

ooo, I know what you mean!
It's because you're so used to feeling like that. You weren't really happy back then, sweetie. Do you just miss it? Is that what you mean. I can relate - you're not alone. Hope you're alright. I'm here if you need anything. xo

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow :(

how do you feel about the doctor?
i think its a good idea that you are going!!!
its very brave
xo

They put me on meds. I'm scared. x