so pathetic...
 

she's not been gone more than two hours and im into the drink and pills
what a waste
i disgust myself, but i keep doing it
(and keep posting it so you have to suffer it too...how very nice of me...bitch)
romp

dear sweet romp...
im so sorry youre suffering.
but you keep posting!!!!
just as you told me to.
youre not causing anyone to suffer.
i wish i could help you so bad.
im with you in spirit hunni.
love you.
xx

hey sis, *huggles* read my thread that i posted. mand x

Hunni I'm so sorry
*hugs you tight*
Please take care...

hey romp, keep posting as much as u need to, thts wat we're here for. we all act to stresful situations in different ways. For a lot of ppl tht means reverting to old behaviours tht have 'helped' us thru in the past, even if ultimately it is destructive. Try not to be so hard on ureself sweetheart, you're strugling and trying to fight using the only way u know how at themoment.
keep strong and as i said before, keep posting!
much love
Dani
xx

love you romp
stay safe
xxxlily

Diving back into the drink and pills may not be a good answer but that doesnt make you pathetic. It simply shows that you are not coping. It shows you are in pain and it shows you are in need of some love.

I dont know who you are referring to cus ive been out of the loop for some time.

Usually when someone leaves for whatever reason and we react badly it is because of feelings of rejection or a lack of love. It is often because we put our whole lives into the lives of others and then wonder why we cant cope by ourselves.

when the right help comes along Romp (and im sure it will) you will learn how to start loving and likeing yourself again. Things will get better.

Just remember that no matter what you do or how you do it that YOU ARE LOVED!

Loves and hugs and a growl of some big fat slash pipes

Matthew xxx

thx all. To clarify it was my daughter going away fro the summer like she always does. She has a great time at her grandparents. (Her old friends are still there ans such)
But the problem is , she was my brake...the reason i couldnt hurt myslef, drink out of control, etc...i HAD to be a mom for her.
And her leaving when she did came at a really bad time. I thought i could handle it. This is beyond just the missing her...this was my sole reason to keep safe, to keep 'normal'.
And suddenly she was gone, so i couldnt do it for myself, i dont care about me enough to do that.
So things got really bad and (as said in another post) i ended up being in hospital for a few days for a bad suicide attempt. I'm lucky they let me go. I kind of lied and said i could have a friend check on me, I had been drinking (lie at that tiem) and didnt really mean to, anything to get out of beign admitted really. ANd that my hubby could leave work whenever (not a lie) if i needed.
I think the fact i will soon be in out-patient care played the biggest part in my favor.
The damn darkness has settled quite nicely tho. I have read several posts but cant seem to get words together, or thought, to reply...i'm sorry. My head is still a bit messed up.
I'm glad this is finally happening, the help that is. Because i have felt this way before and it led to being sectioned the last time and near constant SI, OD's etc...i dont want to go there again. I honestly dont think i could survive it all again. And i cant put my hubby thru that again. He went thru absolute hell..only now am i learning just all he went thru; i lost many months and he is slowly telling me what happened....its scary hearing the things i did, the things he saw....
ANd thru it all, he would work his 10-11 hour day, leave work and come right to hhospital to see me till the end of visiting hours, never once did he leave early. ANd home to fall asleep , exhausted onthe couch...no dinner, he was too tired to make any. ANd up to face another day of the same....the hell ihave put him thru..its hard not to hate myself for it.

anywyas..wow..sorry went off on a tirade there...
*shutting up* lol

romp

Romp!!! It'll be ok. You were so positive in your other post!!! You just have to think about the future and know that things are going to change for the better. You husband loves you and he is a very dedicated man who just wants you get get better. You can do this YOU CAN!!! You are a great person who is worth more then you give yourself credit for. YOU CAN DO IT!!!