Feeling the fall before the trip...asking you for support
 

Ongoing conversation in my head

Brain
Self

Why don’t you?
Do what??
You cant.
I can.
Then why not.
Because it has been over two months.
It didn’t stop you before.
I am trying to stop.
So?
So what?
Just do it.
I cant.
I told you.
If I do I wouldn’t stop.
Try.
To stop?
Just a little mark.
But I don’t want to.
Yes you do.
I know.
So do it.
No
YES
I said NO.
I wont tell.
The mark would.
Just do it.
Maybe.

*SIGH*

I need support!
Rain

Am behind you rainy. You Can do this! I know you can! You're doing fantastic things and i'm proud of how far you've come over the last few years. Sometimes things get hard, and having had the option for a long time its hard to let go of that. But you don't need to let it be an option any more. You've seen better, you know you can do it, and i'm confident you can. Kept it up lady! Lots of love xxx

*hugs Rain* sure you can do this, keep saying NO, you can win, hugs, Hannah

love you rainy
keep on saying NO
you can do this
hugs xx

It's difficult when you get into fights with your brain like that, it can be exhausting. Keep at it though, you are in control. We are all here to support you. Take care.

you got my email hun; pls use it.
(phone isnt so great right now...sorry)
romp

You can beat this Rain, keep talking to us we are all here for you *Hugs*

you can do this rainy. Keep fighting, i believe in you.
Look how far you have come an be proud.

I'm so glad that you've come on here and asked for support, you've done so well. Keep fighting the urges, I know its not easy, no one says that it is when we're trying to stop. Just do your best and we're all here for you. *huggles*

*cuddles Rain*
Sorry I've been away so long sweetie...

Anyway I am SO proud of you for trying to hold out inspite of the desire to give in. Keep arguing with your brain sweetie, you CAN win, really. The desire to stop will be stronger that your silly brain trying to get you to do it, I know it will.

*massive squishes*

*breathes*

I am taken back by the encouragement you have given me.

I believe this will be more of a struggle on a daily basis without the meds. (something I just cannot afford even with insurance) I am fully involving myself in work to keep my mind occupied, but every breather my head gets consumes the battle.

I have been more open in feelings towards my husband, telling him how low I feel, but not about the desire to cut.

I see no real reason to cut, other than the fact IT makes me feel good for the moment. Key word for the moment. There are just a few people that I am unconfortable with seeing my scars. My scars of the past six months are still very purple/red raised, and on two even show the stich marks. From my elbows down, a pattern of life emerges. A pattern of survival emerges. I have come a long way, I see that. I just cannot seem to let go of the want.


Rain

Hey Rainy *gentle hugs* i dont have much to say except that i understand, and that i'm here listening.

*hits head on wall*

make it stop, please someone

You know rain, I'm 7years free and still have the thoughts, images voices - yet I know that when in the past I gave in and self-harmed this only made them more frequent and more horrendous.

My way of dealing with those thoughts, voices and images today is just to acknowledge them (like passing clouds in the sky). If I argue with them, they will argue back even louder, even more intense. Yet if I say "oh look there goes another self-harm thought" - they just pass without causing me too much distress. I guess it's like standing at a bus stop, just because a bus turns up - I don't have to get on it, particularly if the place it's going to take me to isn't very nice.

Acknowledge the thoughts are there, but don't argue. Say "there goes another self-harm thought"

That's how I cope with them, one moment at a time - and when I do this they have no control over me anymore. I accept that I cannot control my thoughts, so I don't argue with them and this way they cannot control me

Hope this makes sense. This is what has worked for me
best wishes
Maria