thankyou, i dont know what to do. i dont know when my mums due back and even wen she does get back i cant tell her how i'm feeling, i'll wait till she goes bed more than likely then dissapear. i just wanna run and hide away from everything.

I'm..confused why Katch would be on a ship...but I'll gladly adopt you :D
We can sort it out via PM if you want when you fix your mouse?

And as for YOU Helen :P
I'm trying to save credit/save MONEY for credit...so hopefully I'll still have my phone...but we are moving in the HOLIDAYS so I wont even have the college computers :blink: *breaks down*

Katey...we are all here for you if you need the company. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling? *cuddles*

Hey Amanda....I'm sorry about your binge...but try not to worry about it too much...(as silly as that sounds) Take care of yourself xxxxxxxx

I know how that feels. I am here for you if you need to talk.

BTW...I forgot to mention....Katch...if the internet is so expensive on the ship...would it be better to get peoples phone numbers?
you are MORE THAN welcome to have mine if you want....
even if you want it NOW you are still welcome :)

i dont know how am feeling my heads just a mess theres so much going on inside of it. my moods really really low, and my thoughts well yeah theyr not too good, if i dissapear there'll b no1 around who knows me so therfore they cant stop me doing anything. i dont want to face anything anymore. i dont want to feel like this any longer. i cant do it i've tried and tried again and its got me nowhere. it never does

*cuddles* I understand... I feel like that today too

Hun...I know its hard...it is really hard...but you have to try keep fighting because one day you WILL beat this...and you'll be glad that you kept fighting...I know what its like to try and to not get anywhere...and its the worst feeling in the world...im sure many other people in here know what its like too...but if you can focus on something worthwhile...something worth fighting for...
how about your sister? or your family? or a best friend? Surely they are worth trying for.
you deserve SO SOOOO much better than this and if i could take it away and make it better for you then believe me I would...im here if you need to talk...
xxxx

thankyou *cuddles back*


i wish i could fight for someone else but i cant, i've hurt them all o much, my sister doesnt care me and my mum well yeah thats another story. i've upset my friends so much its not fair on them to keep getting hurt. if i'm not here then they wont get hurt any more they wont have to worry about me doing anything, or if wen i see them thats the last time theyll see me. i've not been glad, i used tot hink i was after i came round or i endd up in hospital or i'd fought another day was like yeah ok did that but it wares of after a while and unforutnatly its worn thin and theres nothing there.

i'm sorry i'm just rambling

:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

They might worry about you...but it shows they care! I'm sure it would upset them so much if you died!!
The fact that they are still around shows they care about you...and they will be proud of you for continuing to fight this!
You can do it hun.
I have faith in you.

it will i kno yeah it will upset them but i feel dead inside already so whats the point in fighting

Hun there was a point when i felt exactly the same...."Im already dead so why bother?" but there is ALWAYS a point....the fact that you're still here shows there is a point.
Theres gonna be a day...in the near or far future when you think "i'm glad im here..." and it might only be a day...or half a day..or an hour... but you need to hold on to that and use it to help you get through the dark times ok?
Please...i know its hard but trust me...

Yay!!! It makes me so happy that there is another Pagan on RYL :D
I just read your reply to "Pagan" by Steel Maiden Alexx :)

when i was last on the 'real psych ward' in March i had my uni nterview and yeah i got in. i wouldnt have been here if they didnt admit me to the ward, i was threatened to get sectioned and would have happend because been sectioned before. i went on a huge high from it, but it didnt fill n e thing i still felt crap just they saw the side of me that yeah wanted to go to uni and do the course. so many people decided that i was ok because now i was at uni. yeah wen i got in yes i was shocked and happy that i got in. i thought i could keep hold of that but its not there anymore so much has come up and theres nothing there

ahehe :P I was all confused for a moment then :P
but now i understand ^_^

It kinda sucks though...because of this massive depression bout...I feel very new to it again...its like when I took it up for the first time...but hopefully...when I start practicing again I will get back into it pretty quickly and start to feel better :D
Ive even pulled down all my books and things to a middle self in my wardrobe to encourage me to use them more so i can get back into it quicker :D

Is there nothing else sweety?:( nothing at all?
How about looking through old photos to find good times?
Surely there must be something :( but I know what its like when the depression kinda engulfs you and it feels like there is NOTHING good in your life what-so-ever...
I wish i could help you and give you something more Katey :(

Don't feel bad... I am relatively new to it myself... I was raised in a Christian home, but introduced to it in high school, but since I still lived with my very Christian parents, I had to kinda put my interest in the Craft on the back burner, and it wasn't until I married my husband (in May of last year) and moved out of my parent's house that I was free to explore.
So... we can be new together!!!! :tongue2:
If you want, I can PM you some good websites.

i cant find anything, i dont have that many photos that would bring good memories, mainly because in most photos from me being younger have my 'step-dad' in them whos currently serving a prison sentence for, well yeah not being a very good stepdad. and hes sort of caused bit of whats going on. only time i remebr is wen my grandma was alive and she died wen i was 7(i'm now 20) thats wen things atsrted to fall aprt. i dont have mnay photos of then either.

i cant find n e thing to fight for, my mums due back soon :(

Cool :D
I always love finding out how other people came across the Craft.
Personally...I was never raised in a religious home...and I felt kind of lost...but I always had strong views and beliefs...which didnt seem to fit other religions...apart from one day...whilst on the net...I came across Paganism and it seemed SO natural to me :D But it was then my nana started being "overly religious" and trying to put me and it down...which hurt alot...but I found solice in Paganism and never let her make me give it up...I've now been pagan for about 4 years?...even though at times I've practiced less frequentlly than I'd like to..

I'd like it if you PM'ed me some sites :) and if I come across any good ones I'll let you know too :)
xxx

I'm sure she'd hate to see you so upset though. She must have loved you so so much hun and that in itself is a good thing to hold on to?
You might not agree with this...but I believe and think that she's with you all the time...even now...and you can still fight this for her.
Maybe....one good idea might be to start a journal...and write about GOOD things in it...like if you go out and have a good hour or so...write about it...or take a photo...and keep it all in a diary. then when you feel down...you can remind yourself of the good times...it might be easier than just trying to think of good things of the top of your head.
Do you think that would help you hun?
xx