This morning sucks. I got breakfast (and have money to eat out for lunch instead of having to bring a lunch for once) and I can't even eat it :(
****ing anxiety! Just go away! *curls up in a ball*

*Hugs Felicia* I am sorry you are so triggered :(

I got my CRB check in, although I handed over the form only to be told the forms have changed and I had to fill in another . My hands were shaking and I coulden't think :S but it's done . Then I got some (Unexpected) training at the cyber cafe , met a LOT of new people most of whom's names I've already forgotten . It was intimidating being around so many people who knew each other but everyone seemed nice , I am going back tomorrow afternoon .

Oh and I posted Hayleys card signed from everyone today :)

*Hugs Crimson* I'm sorry about your anxiety :(

I'm feeling so ignored and unnoticed.

I'm glad you're OK April.

*hugs claire* im sorry you arent feeling well. anything we can do?

*hugs lindsay* its okay, we understand. hope you are alright.

*hugs mark* sounds like the CRB thing went well despite your anxiety! thats great! Glad that you don't have lithium toxicity although the side effects still sound concerning even if they are just regular side effects :-/

yay for hayley's card in the mail! :)

*pounces on april* I'm sooooo glad youre okay!!!!! good luck at the nutritionist. I'm sure the appointment will go alright.

*hugs crimson* i'm sorry that your anxiety is so bad today. i hate anxiety it can be so horrible. Hope that it settles down soon, try to do something nice for yourself.

*hugs felicia* i'm sorry that you harmed, hope that you managed to not do it again. april is right, it really isn't worth it in the long term. (i know im being hypocritical). Hang in there hun.

*hugs lia* I'm not ignoring you hun. whats up?

So i found out last night that my paper is being used as a discussion point in my class today = anxiety through the roof. He only picked 4 out of 30.. why did one of them have to be mine? I dont like having my life picked apart by people in my class... it was a "tell me a story about yourself" essay... its not like i wrote about anything i can't discuss, i wrote about the time when i was 16 and I hurt my foot and wound up having to go back and forth to the hospital 8 times... but just talking in general makes me so nervous. I hate it.

*hugs Lia*

It's just that...well, it doesn't matter about specifics, but on the rare occasions I try to tell someone something, IRL as well as on this site, that no one listens anyway. So it doesn't matter. I can't expect people to anyway, people have their own problems.


Sorry you're feelin nervous Laura, but take it as a compliment that yours was picked :) It was obviously good to get chosen.

Sorry about the anxiety Crimson. I don't have a lot of advice on that. Is there anything you usually do that calms you down?

*cuddles lia* we always try to listen in here. or at least i know that I do and several others do. Yes, sometimes people can get a little swept away in their own problems, but you can always come here and talk or PM me or any of us for support. I know that none of us in here would mind that.

and thanks, i know its a compliment.. i hope.. unless i am an example of a bad essay.. but i feel like that would be really mean of the professor. I just get so anxious anyway, stupid social anxiety disorder.

Cuddles all. Sorry about yestarday.feel very tierd and folishn and not really with it=\

*Hugs Lia* I hope I haven't made you feel ignored :)

*Hugs Laura* I definatley think having your paper picked is a compliment.

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Crimson*

Not that would help right now. I'm trying to ignore everything and just keep working though. Waiting to hear from my mom, gran is in surgery right now.

^this

Laura I'm sure it's a compliment not an example of a bad essay. That would be rather juvenile for a uni prof., I'd think.

*hugs everyone*

I've been throwing up since 4am :( Starting to get better though.

Oh & Lia, I did finally hear last night, turns out the phone had broken. Also she was woken up today & is doing really well :D

Glad to hear it Helen :) I said it would be something like that- I was right, as usual :P

It's OK guys, that was selfish of me. Doesn't matter. I consist of minute particles.

xx

*Hugs Helen* I'm happy your friend is doing better. However , It sounds like you need to look after yourself as well , perhaps you should make a Dr's appointment.

*Hugs Lia* You don't JUST consist of fine particles , I care about you as I'm sure the whole ward does , You can PM me anytime, My advice could well be crap and I may take a while to get back to you but I'll do my best :)

Lol, thanks Mark. 'I consist of minute particles' is my way of saying I'm Fi*e as I've been banned from the word. I looked it up in the dictionary, and that is one of the definitions I got. I know people here will listen to me, but you know what I'm like. Useless when it comes to my own feelings. I just don't think I'm worth listening to or people's time. I've been told I'm not. Last time I tried to talk to someone, I got 'hurry up I haven't got all day' so I clammed up and said nothing and haven't made a proper effort since.

How are you Mark?

xx

How is everyone? Not really in the right place to read back.

I'm alright Claire. Surviving. How about you? You sound like you could do with a vent. *Hugs*

Surviving. Just. *hugs* I'm just anxious and confused about life and feeling very blergh.

*hugs Claire, Lia, Mark, April (WELCOME BACK!), Hels (glad you heard from your friend), Lindsay, Jill, Felicia, Crimson, and anybody else I might have skipped*

Was going to attempt more detailed individuals since I forgot to take my meds this morning, but my mind is jumping around and I want to do everything at once so I'd probably get everybody mixed up :/ *leaves big apology letters and calorie-free cookies for everyone*

Lia - you can always PM me if you need to talk or vent <3

Actually, that goes for anyone :) Although I'm not good at giving advice, as I've said before... but I like to listen :) Or read, if you want to be technical...

My back is super sore at the moment, it's the only downer part of today. Took some painkillers for it and hopefully it helps... we'll see.

*hugs each and every person*

I'd would prefer not to answer that right now Lia , sorry.I also am reiterating (sp) my offer of a PM if you EVER need it.

*Hugs Claire*

*hugs Mark* Just going by your status, but sorry you're feeling triggered :( I think you mentioned that your meeting went alright though? I'm proud of you for going when there's so many people :)

*hugs Hels & Jill because I spy them*

Thanks for the hugs Taz and Mark. I think I need them! My head is killing me right now, it's just come on all of a sudden as well.

*hugs Claire & gives magic headache-away pills* Any idea why? Stress? =/

I have no idea why. I do have a bit of a cold, may be related to that. But really, it's more of a minor annoyance right now.

Cuddles all, erm yesterday, it was a bad reaction to somthing I took. Hmm won't be doing that again. Still feeling the effects of it now.=(

Ugh.

Still need to process what my nutritionist appt was like, so can't give details, sorry. Brain hurts. Neck hurts. Don't want to think about anything relating to the appt really, but... :(

*cuddles all*

Oh & Lia, I'm sorry I wasn't here to respond to your post(s). But I am here now :P and if you want/need to PM me, feel free, okay? <3

Heard from my mum... gram is out of surgery. so far so good but she just got out.

*Hugs Taz* Thankyou.

I e-mail a residential place about sending me some info . they don't produce such info they sent me a couple of S.I, e-mail address's though , which was thoughtful of them.

*Hugs Crimson* I'm happy your gran is doing okay.

*Hugs Jill* are you okay,What did you take ? it's okay if you don't want to say.

Glad your gran is doing okay, Crimson *hugs*

*curls up in the corner & cries*

*Hugs April*

What's the matter?

What's wrong April?

I'm hurt. Jarrod is... not being very understanding, in fact is being pretty harsh. I just got off the phone with my bestie and that was good but now I wish I could have things back the way they were a week ago when a hug from her or my parents could help things be better. Now it's like... the only person I have to depend on IRL is Jarrod and he's definitely being a disappointment in not even trying to understand EDs or ED behavior. He's just charging along in his own fashion and being himself, ordering me about and thinking that I'm going to follow his "orders" ... it just ****ing hurts. I ****ing hurt. And it feels like no one IRL cares.

:crying:

This has been an epically awful week (from Friday-today, so not technically a week, since they start on Sunday/Monday depending where you're from, but still...).

FML.

Updated my r/v. For anyone who cares.

FML FML FML FML.

I want to die.

Big bear hugs april, please stay safe. Mark hmm yeah I'm okay,would rather not say.sorry

I'm sorry April *hugs* it really sucks when people just won't listen to you. I have a friend like that, thinks she knows what's best and doens't give a **** what I want or think. Damn, she's pissing me off now. I don't have much advice other than something that will likely turn into a shouting match, which won't help. Sorry.

Can I kill her? Actually, can I go on a murderous rampage and kill about four different people?

*cuddles Lia & Jill* Thanks for the hugs, guys... also... *glomps Crimson 'cause I spy her!!*

Am still feeling quite ****. Sorry for the lack of individuals, and also sorry, Lia, that I don't have any advice to give. :( I really... don't know what to do about the situation(s) I am finding myself and I was supposed to call my therapist about how the appt with the nutritionist went but I'm really scared to do that... I don't know why. I guess because I... well, I don't know. ARGH. I hate it when I'm being irrationally irrational. :( For what sense that makes. And I have ****ing nobody to talk with IRL about this, minus my bestie... but she's busy right now & anyway, I don't want to bore her or make her sick of me as well.

:crying: Feel so ****ing alone.

*cuddles April*

*giggles at being glomped* you got me while i was reading your r/v. :P

*hugs Lia* If you could get away with it, why not? :P I don't recommend it though. Surely there's better ways...

*hugs Mark* At least they tried =/ That's more than plenty of other people will do...

*hugs Jill*

*hugs April* Sorry to hear Jarrod is being such an ass about all this. I don't have much advice to give but you're strong and smart I'm sure you'll work through this and figure something out <3

*hugs Crimson* Hope your gran heals up well!

Oh great. Jarrod just seemingly "had a go" at me.

Not what I needed.

No one to talk with.

****.My.Life.

*bear hugs April* What exactly happened? If you feel like telling me, either on here or by PM. If not, that's fine too <333

Updated my r/v if anybody cares.

Cuddles april. Hmm I think my lip has twisted on one side, or it deff droping on the left side, thought I was imaging it. But it deff has. ****

*cuddles everyone*

Jill, please get looked at :'(

Jill, it could be Bels palsy, or whatever it's called. It's where one side of you face drops and goes numb, as if you've had a stroke, it can last a few weeks at a time and comes back at random intervals. It can be a thing by itself or a sign of something more serious. I suggest going to a doctor. There are tablets you can take to make it better and clear it up quicker. *Hugs*

*Hugs April* You always have us lot. We're not going to judge you or make you do anything you don't want. I know how you feel. I have no one IRL. I feel so horribly alone sometimes. You can always PM me though if you want. *Offers love.*

*Hugs Taz* haven't read your R/V yet, but I hope you're OK, or at least safe.

Great about your Gran Crimson. And your bestie Helen. :D

*huggles everyone before running errands then home*

*huggles everyone*

Just dropping in quickly to offer *hugs* before I disappear up to the hospital. Meh.

*hugs Jill* Please, PLEASE get looked at by a doctor! I can't stress this enough... if your face is drooping even slightly on one side it can be a sign of neurological damage. It's not something to joke around about... and I'd hate for anything bad to happen. <3

*hugs Kahlia* I hope you're alright... if you don't mind me asking, why are you going to the hospital? No pressure to answer, of course.

*hugs Lia* I'm safe for the time being. Have a relaxing next couple of days planned which should work out nicely :) How are you doing???

I wanna be pretty again :( I dont like the fat cow i am. yes I am a fat cow http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs385.snc4/44822_148523695170573_100000388314677_311577_18172 21_n.jpg

im the thing in purple