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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadowedsoul 22-08-2010 07:00 PM

Hugs all. Damn it I really want to hurt myself,being on such a high this week, it's kind of being stressfull, so had to keep everthing together, but now it's finished so it's all come flooding out. Curls up and hides.

MammaMia 22-08-2010 07:37 PM

*curls up in a ball and cries* Can't stop crying. Can't stop feeling so low. I'm so fed up of it & everything. I just wish I could see my best friend. I already miss her, she hasn't gone yet (she's stopping at her aunt's for a week starting Tuesday)..

nicole94 22-08-2010 07:41 PM

*huggles helen*

MammaMia 22-08-2010 07:52 PM

*hugs Nicole* How are you?

Doikers 22-08-2010 08:01 PM

*Hugs Helen*

one_step_closer 22-08-2010 08:38 PM

*hugs everyone*

I really want to overdose. I can't get it out of my mind.

time to change 22-08-2010 08:44 PM

hey everyone!

you might have guessed from my lack of posting over the past few days, i ended up back in hospital. it was horrible. there were some things that happened (not all surrounding self harm, a lot of the things the staff did, which really, really upset me) which has made me even more determined never to be admitted again i have gone back on my medication, but am suffering really bad with shaking as a side effect...

i have read all the posts since i was last on, but my head isn't really in a place to reply to everyone, but have been wondering if you are all ok, sorry some of you are feeling so crappy. *massive hugs all round*

yeah, so life's pretty **** atm, but college interview on thursday, i hope so much that i get in, its the only thing i am really hanging on to.

anyways, so i am back


shadowedsoul 22-08-2010 08:45 PM

hugs one step closer try not to Hun, please stay safe. Hugs everbody else.

Doikers 22-08-2010 08:46 PM

*Hugs Lindsay*

Please Try not to Overdose Lindsay :S Could you do something to distact yourself , Chamomille tea is calming , or normal tea , Just the act of making it could distract you . Or maybe a relaxing bath with bubbles!!:) or a shower if your not a bath person , then a pretty early night and maybe tommorow will be brighter ?

MammaMia 22-08-2010 08:46 PM


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2457477)
*Hugs Helen*

*hugs Mark*


Originally Posted by one_step_closer (Post 2457531)
*hugs everyone*

I really want to overdose. I can't get it out of my mind.

Please keep safe Lindsay *cuddles* I really want to harm too but trying not to.

Doikers 22-08-2010 08:49 PM

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Steph* I'm sorry you got put in hospital and had such a crappy time there . Are you on Lithium , that makes me shake , well my hands at any rate ,You don't have to answer that question. I don't shake ALL the time hmm.
GOOD LUCK With your interview :)!!

one_step_closer 22-08-2010 08:50 PM

Thanks everyone, and i'm sorry that you are struggling with thoughts of harming too Helen.

Part of me wants to do it just to get into hospital so that I can be looked after. I feel like no one can look after me emotionally but they can look after me if I am physically unwell. I feel ashamed.

Doikers 22-08-2010 08:56 PM

OH Lindsay *Hugs* I know the feeling of wanting to be looked after, It can be very lonely living alone and being triggered :(

time to change 22-08-2010 09:02 PM

no, i am back on venlafaxine.

i know none of you are going to really be interested in this, but i cant stop thinking about it... on my first night in the psych ward, i didnt sleep at all and was really struggling, and i had everything taken off me, wasnt even allowed a bottle of pop!!! so if i was in view of staff i asked if i could write down how i was feeling. they let me. in the end, i wwrote 5 pages of A4! i cant usually write stuff down, well not as much as that anyway. so when i finished it, i asked the staff to put it through the shredder for me, because i didnt want any of the their patients finding it in the bin etc, and also asked them not to read it or put it in my notes, as it was merely a distraction technique, and it was extremely private. so last night i was going through all my careplans with m named nurse when i saw some paper, and recognised a sentence in my file. i couldnt believe it. it was all that stuff i had written the night i was admitted. they had obviously read what i had written, the night i did it, because some of the stuff i wrote, they would think they knew what it was about, but it has nothing to do with anything they know about me, but what they think it is, is really rather personal/between me and one of the staff. and they were all laughing that night after i had asked them to shred it. it has really hurt me, especially as they said they had shredded it. i think i might ring the manager of the ward tomorrow to complain. one good thing though, my named nurse destroyed the paper before anyone else could read it, with 3 other staff as witness, but thats not the point.

anyway, sorry for all of that, really needed to get it out.

*sends love and gentle cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 23-08-2010 12:00 AM

I feel awful right now... :( ...just ate more than I have at one sitting in the past 3 days and I just want to purge... won't... but still, that urge is right there and it is so ****ing strong. :'(

I'm scared to talk with my NP about all of this when I see her on Wednesday. Scared that she'll want me to keep looking into res, or even worse, want to put me into a hospital ASAP. Which wouldn't do anything good at all. Just make me worse. I don't know. :crying: I just want to give up.

I see my therapist tomorrow... :( ...am scared of that as well since things have taken such a downturn since the last time I saw her. I wish I could just make it all stop. :'(

I'm sorry I've been such a "bad" wardie lately, without doing my usual individuals... but... guess I "needed" to let y'all know how I am doing. :(

Kahlia1981 23-08-2010 12:18 AM

*huggles everybody*

We watched two movies yesterday. Eyeborgs and Robots. hehe. Sorry, my brains on the fritz. At least I got some sleep last night, even if it took 2 Mogadon and 1 Xanax to get me there and I still woke at 04:30. *sigh*

anarchistl0ve 23-08-2010 05:51 AM

*Finds puppy Sinclair and hugs him wrapped up in her hello kitty blanket.* I am at a very low place for me.

flutterby butterfly 23-08-2010 08:50 AM

*hugs everyone*

Hope you're all ok & had good weekends.

Kahlia1981 23-08-2010 09:00 AM

*huggles all*

Made a bus trip to Centrelink after getting an almost straight answer about my problem with a claim form. The oven guy is coming tomorrow morning . . .

Doikers 23-08-2010 10:06 AM

*Hugs Steph* That SUCKS that they read what you wrote , you should totally complain to the ward manager I reckon :S

*Hugs April* Good luck with all your appointments this week :)

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Becca*

*Hugs Unicorn Tears*

Scarletdreamer 23-08-2010 12:53 PM

Good morning everyone... *cuddles*

Am not doing well... still. Fourth day of not wanting to eat/not really eating. :( I'm terrified of being hospitalized. While not likely (yet), I can almost guarantee that I will be shaking & quivering at my therapy appt later today for fear of that. :( And same at my NP appt on Wednesday. Damn anxiety... but then... wouldn't everyone be afraid/worried? :-/

Nothing else going on really, at least in my head. This rules all. :crying:

nicole94 23-08-2010 12:59 PM

*huggles everyone* i REALLY just want tomorrow to be over.

MammaMia 23-08-2010 01:00 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Feeling low & already really missing my best friend :( But she doesn't go away til tomorrow for a week instead Fri-Mon. Meh. 6 weeks til I can see her myself mind you...

MammaMia 23-08-2010 01:01 PM


Originally Posted by nicole94 (Post 2458464)
*huggles everyone* i REALLY just want tomorrow to be over.

What's happening tomorrow? *cuddles*

nicole94 23-08-2010 01:09 PM

*hugs helen* GCSE results. im scared because i know ive failed :( and also school is one of the worst things for making me panick and i have to go in to get them...... :(

Doikers 23-08-2010 01:24 PM

*Hugs April* I would be worried yes , but like you said it is HIGHLY unlikly that you will be hospitalised , I remember a few weeks ago I was SURE I was going to end up in hospital but it wasn't even bought up . What I mean is that we build these things up to be worse than they turn out to be in our heads .

*Hugs Nicole* Best of luck going to school to collect your results tomorrow :)

*Hugs Helen* I'm sorry you miss your best friend already , I miss mine , I haven't seen her for 8 days , missing people sucks :(

nicole94 23-08-2010 01:27 PM

*hugs mark* thanks. im not sure im gonn actually make it into school or not, and also, its supposed to be really hot here tomorrow, i dont wanna wear a big jumper :(

Doikers 23-08-2010 01:30 PM

Nicole, Do you have any thin material blouses/shirts you could wear in the hot weather? Or like a long sleeved T-shirt?

Scarletdreamer 23-08-2010 01:31 PM

Missing people does suck. I miss my bestie and I saw her on Saturday. >_< So yeah. *sigh*

Mark, yeah, I remember that. You're right, we do make things out to be worse than they actually are... but... I'm just scared that no one's going to be able to get me to eat, including Jarrod, and I'm just... not interested in food, really, so yeah. :( It feels really dumb to say that, but... I don't know. I feel like such a waste of time & energy. :'(

Nicole, I'm sure that you did better than you think you did... and even if you did fail, you have a good reason for it - you've been struggling so much lately. It's really hard to focus on school when you're fighting your own personal battles (trust me, I know, experience speaking here)... so maybe if you failed you can retake them when you're in a better place mentally??

Hels, I'm sorry that you're not feeling the best right now, love. :(

I'm still feeling shitty. :( I need to do my therapy homework but I really don't want to. It's gonna be hard and I can't decide whether to do it on paper or in my LJ. Ugh. I'd rather be able to type it up, and doing it on the comp and printing it off isn't an option as I don't have a printer really easily available to me. GRRRR. I really need to get more ink for mine... :(

I'm getting back into the habit of wearing baggy clothes... even though I have a tonnnnnn of weight to lose before anyone notices anything. :( Fat April. Yucky April. Nasty April. *sigh*

*hides in the warren and cries softly*

nicole94 23-08-2010 01:38 PM

*hugs mark and april*
mark-no i dont have any long sleeved T-shirts. i was talking about this to my mum the other day actually, its weird that im a self harmer yet i have no long sleeved T-shirts and only 2 jumpers....
april-i suppose so. and i didnt even turn up to half my exams cause i was having such a bad time, i just want it to be over and done with, my mum said she will throw me a party if i do ok.

Scarletdreamer 23-08-2010 01:42 PM

Hmm a party sounds nice, but hon, please don't beat yourself up if you don't do well. As I said... when you're struggling as you are right now, it's really really difficult to do well at anything. :( *hugs*

nicole94 23-08-2010 01:49 PM

*hugs* i know :( its just so annoying that i had to get really bad when it was time for my GCSEs, why couldnt it of been when i was younger or older?!

nicole94 23-08-2010 01:59 PM

*hugs* i suppose, i just really want those results.
anyone in the UK flooded right now?

Doikers 23-08-2010 02:08 PM

Not flooded here Nicole , although it is raining , are you flooded?

nicole94 23-08-2010 02:15 PM

no but talking to some people online and they are, bit worried because im prone to floodng. not raining here at the moment but are forecasted heavy rain all week......

shadowedsoul 23-08-2010 02:21 PM

Hugs all. Being a crazy and damn stressful week, feels like I'm going from one stressful thing to another lately. Kind of strugging to keep it together, really want to hurt myself badly. Really stuiped thoughts running through my head. Just want it all to stop.

Doikers 23-08-2010 02:38 PM

*Hugs Jill* I can empathise with wanting to harm , I really do to :( I hope that your week improves :)

I Should get out of the flat or I'll harm, but I can't stay out indefinatley maybe just a quick walk will jolt my head out of the bad thoughts , sorry :(

MammaMia 23-08-2010 02:55 PM

Nicole, I'm sure your results will be better than you expect and if you haven't done so well, please don't beat yourself up, you have been through a lot of struggles in the last few months sweetheart. I know when I picked up my GCSE results, all I did was pick up my results, went to see a couple people and walked out. You could just get the envelope and then walk out of the building & read them?? Maybe wear a thin long cardie if it's hot & you have one??? *cuddles*

Mark, that sucks. I live far away (well just over 3 hours on trains) so I haven't seen mine in person for over a year now. But get to for a week in October :D (6 weeks today) It does suck though. I'll get through it, have to really. Hoping this week flies past that's all.

April, I'm sorry you're struggling so much but glad we got to chat quickly on facebook *cuddles tight*

misskitty112 23-08-2010 03:50 PM

this thread moves so much!
*hugs all* I'm sorry, I just can't do individuals, it's so overwhelming.
I had an absolutely shitty Brit Lit class today. I'm just not good with Middle English or anything before Shakespeare to be honest. I feel so incompetent, and I desperately need a good grade in this class.
So... now I'm triggered, and I still need to finish my Creative Writing assignment so I won't stress over it tomorrow. And I don't know. Maybe uni just isn't a good thing for me.

Sorry, I know it's a small thing compared to everything else in this thread, I just absolutely hate not having awesome grades and being the best in everything.

Doikers 23-08-2010 03:57 PM

*Hugs Felicia*It's not a small thing, Uni is important ( I wish I hadn't been so messed to go , not the point) , What I mean is you obviously care about it so it matters . Man I hope I came over ok , sorry.

Doikers 23-08-2010 04:23 PM

Oh April I JUST noticed that I missed you on Facebook hours and hours ago , really sorry :(

MammaMia 23-08-2010 04:34 PM

Having awesome grades and being the best in everything isn't good thing to aim for honey. NOBODY is best at everything!!!! Try your best at everything you don't but don't make yourself ill/stressed over it, it's not worth it. I also agree that this thread can move quite fast sometimes, so it can be hard to do individuals...

Mark, you're not too messed up to go I'm sure *cuddles*

FlyingNy 23-08-2010 04:55 PM

Hey guys. I'm back Holiday was ok. Fam drove me insane. Cousins are lovely (and mental). I only cut once. I deserved that. Also have GCSE results tomorrow and am dreading it.

How is everyone?


SoMuchMore 23-08-2010 05:08 PM

*tackle hugs lia* Glad that you are back hun! Good job on only cutting once.

*hugs nicole* I hope that your GCSE results turn out okay.

*hugs mark* how r u doing?

*hugs april* I'm sorry that you aren't doing well at all. I understand about the anxiety thing though. I hate anxiety. Try to stay safe with your ED stuff... don't let it take over.

*hugs helen* i'm sorry you miss your bestie already. only 6 weeks until you see her though! You can hang in there until then, I know you can :-)

*hugs felicia* i understand stress over uni. I stress a lot about it too, and start classes today actually. And helen is right, nobody can be the best at everything.

*hugs jill*

*cuddles crimson b/c i spy you*

*hugs everyone else* sorry if i missed you... those are all the individuals I can remember right now.

Nervous about class today... Stupid social anxiety. I always freak out... hopefully i can avoid a panic attack. Feeling a little better physical health-wise though, no fever today, more like a cold now.

Doikers 23-08-2010 05:26 PM

*Hugs Laura* I'm glad you're fever has been downgraded to a cold , Soon it will be gone ! Hooray! :) Sorry you are so anxious though.

*Hugs Lia* WELCOME HOME!!! Good luck for your GCSE results tomorrow .

I WANT to Harm SO badly it's ridiculous or drink but I'm on Antabuse so I'd have to wait a week until it is safe to drink . I just want out of my mind tripping me up all the ****ing time . Sorry.

MammaMia 23-08-2010 05:28 PM


Originally Posted by IceQueenHasAHeart (Post 2458774)
Hey guys. I'm back Holiday was ok. Fam drove me insane. Cousins are lovely (and mental). I only cut once. I deserved that. Also have GCSE results tomorrow and am dreading it.

Liaaaaaaa *hugs* Good to see you back :) Glad you only cut once. I'm sure you didn't deserve it. Good luck with your results ^_^


Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2458798)
*hugs helen* i'm sorry you miss your bestie already. only 6 weeks until you see her though! You can hang in there until then, I know you can :-)

Nervous about class today... Stupid social anxiety. I always freak out... hopefully i can avoid a panic attack. Feeling a little better physical health-wise though, no fever today, more like a cold now.

*hugs Laura* Yeah, you're right, I can & I can't wait to see her!!! Being very impatient aha. I know I've already said it but thank you for yesterday.

I'm sorry you're nervous, hope you can avoid a panic attack & it goes better than expected. Glad your physical health is getting better *cuddles*

Mark, harming or drinking won't stop your mind tripping you up. Please fight the urges. It's not worth hurting yourself. *cuddles*

Doikers 23-08-2010 05:44 PM

Helen I know harming or drinking won't stop my mind tripping me up (does that make sense? but it's the only way I can think to say it) But Drinking would blur it out and harming would just......give me something else to focus on , It WOULD help although only temporary . I'm fighting the urges really hard.........hmmm

nicole94 23-08-2010 06:06 PM

*huggles everyone.* i need ice cream.

taz35 23-08-2010 06:09 PM

*hugs everyone*

Am still high as hell, figured it would be a good escape... but 2 days straight obviously isn't doing its job. Will be back later.

MammaMia 23-08-2010 06:12 PM

Mark, glad you realise it will maybe only help temporarily, keep fighting the urges.

Nicole, you can have some of mine, god knows I have 3 tubs to get finishing!!! *hands spoon and ice cream*

Taz, I hope you're ok *cuddles*

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