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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadowedsoul 23-07-2010 06:39 PM

Huggles everyone. Sorry I know I'm not explain what's going on.
This is to no one here just Need to vent.
How much more bulls*it do I need to take before you back the hell off, do you know what your doing to me. No because you don't care. This whole thing is sh*t and you know it, so why wait let's get this over and done with so at least I know were I stand then, you are been so damn petty and I'm really past thepoint of caring. So let's do this

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 07:34 PM

It feels like I am alone, though, because every time I post in this thread (or so it feels, hah) no one else is in it. :-/ Stupid reason for feeling alone, I know, but oh well. :(

Lia, I hope that you enjoy yourself!! *hugs gently*

Hels, are you feeling any better? *cuddles*

Jill, I hope you're doing okay... If you like - although it's not unwelcome here - there is a place in the Serious Discussion forum (I believe) that's basically a thread for the stuff you just posted. Just so you know. :) *hugs gently*

Today has been a weird day. Jarrod's getting ready for ICC10 (a raid on WoW) for which he's finally geared up enough... makes me feel kind of blah & left out, I don't know. I... yeah. :-X Am a jealous bitch. :(

I'm so tired, too. I took a near-2-hour-long nap earlier today and could take another now, but I'm not, as that would probably guarantee me not getting to sleep at all tonight. Hah. Not like that would be a bad thing... but it would be frustrating & I don't need that. :( Sorry...

*hides in warren again* :'(

misskitty112 23-07-2010 08:18 PM

*hugs everyone*

Sorry, I won't be around much until Sunday night. The play is taking a lot of energy out of me.
I'll be starting a picture thread once I have time though =) I love you all and am always thinking of you.

Doikers 23-07-2010 08:19 PM

*Hugs April* You're not alone :) and you are certanly NOT a bitch , you are totally loveable :-)

Doikers 23-07-2010 08:22 PM

Oooh Felicia , Hows the play going ? A midsummer nights dream no ? I was in that as a child , well a short version of it , I was Bottom and also The Wall with the chink :)

misskitty112 23-07-2010 08:38 PM

Mark, it is A Midsummer Night's Dream. We did wonderful for opening night, the chemistry between us actors is amazing!

My profile pic is from the play if anyone would like to see.

Also, I forgot to say, Bottom is an awesome role!

shadowedsoul 23-07-2010 08:40 PM

Sorry guys, I'm pass can't even say my heads in a mess.emotions are all over the place I don't have the faintest idea what the hell I'm going to do. This whole thing is messed up. if I'm honest I just want to die as I can't see a way back from this. I'm so screwed,big massive mess. =(

Doikers 23-07-2010 08:41 PM

Ohhh you are twirling? (in your profile pic) . I am glad it went well on opening night :)

Doikers 23-07-2010 08:41 PM

*Hugs Jill*

misskitty112 23-07-2010 08:44 PM

Yes, I am twirling! 'Tis my favorite part of the mushy scenes in the play.

Jill, *hugs* I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

FlyingNy 23-07-2010 08:44 PM

*Spies Jill and Mark.*

I know what you mean April. People offer me support a lot, but it's always when I really need it that there's no one there. I kinda hover here most of the day, but am doing other things and forget to check, I'm not ignoring you. You're not a bitch either, you're the first person I've ever opened up to in what feels like forever, so go you! Aren't you the lucky one? :P

*Hugs Jill* Don't have a lot to say, but just to let you know I'm here :)

Hey Helen, how are you now? x

How's it going Felica? Anyone dressed as a giant marshmallow? << never mind, you already posted. Just didn't see that, it wasn't there when I begn writing.


katnovia 23-07-2010 09:53 PM

Lack of thoughts. I have nothing to say. I wish I did. I feel crap for not helping anyone.

Doikers 23-07-2010 10:25 PM

*Hugs Kat*
Don't feel crap :S You are going through a VERY stressful time and you have to take care of yourself first and foremost :)

MammaMia 23-07-2010 10:42 PM

I think we also all need to stop apologising/feeling crap when not replying/doing individual posts. It's not a rule that we MUST make posts for everyone or anything. It's quite saddening people apologising when they're struggling so much. We're all in the same boat with struggling and know that sometimes we can't even make a post. But please remembers guys, we're all here for each other. Even if it's just for a hug, giggles, support, whatever. We'll try our best to give it. But please know that it's okay to not support others etc when you're struggling. Got to look after ourselves even more before anyone else. We won't get upset with you or anything.

*cuddles for all*

For those who've been asking, I'm still low but I'm still hanging in here. Just want to be happy :(

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 11:43 PM

Well spoken, Hels. Thanks for the reminder. I think it's just that we want other people to remember that we've not forgotten them, that we're just unable to do individual replies at that time. But you're right, we shouldn't feel like crap (or however you want to put it) because we can't. We should feel free to post whenever... even if we're not doing well. *cuddles*

Lia, yes, I do feel honored that you opened up to me - and I do sincerely mean that!! I've seen just how difficult it is for you to open up and it does mean a lot that you PM'ed me. Know that I don't judge you in any way because of it, or think of you any differently - you're still the sweet, kind, caring person that you were prior to opening up. And don't worry, you can't scare me away. :) *cuddles*

*cuddles Kat* What's up, sweetie??

Felicia, so glad that opening night was wonderful!! I bet that the play is taking a lot out of you, it would me, that's for sure. And I will definitely check out your profile pic. :D *gentle hugs*

Mark, thanks for telling me that I'm lovable. :) That means a lot. How are you doing tonight?? *cuddles then curls up next to* :)

I'm... I don't know. I just joined up with a WONDERFUL guild on Bronzebeard-US, and they're being so sweet & generous with my baby pally (who just dinged level 10 after /played about 5 hours :D). So that makes me really, really happy. I know that WoW is just a game & all, but it really does touch my heart when people are kind on it... probably because I know there are sooo many idiots and unthoughtful people who play it. (Not saying that of ANY of you guys in here who play it, though!!)

Anyway. Ummm, what else... Jarrod & I went out for lunch this afternoon and that was about the only time we spent together today. And it doesn't look like it'll be getting any better in the hours to come. :( He's playing WoW now and is so focused he can't even talk to me, much anyway. So I'm trying to come up with a schedule of stuff I can do by myself tonight... it's just lonely. :( I have a feeling I'll be on here a fair bit.

*sighs, then hides in the warren again & cries softly*

xXMessedUpXx 23-07-2010 11:48 PM

I'm sorry to invade but i am in a very bad place right now.

I've been dumped by my bf who isn't even in the same goddamn country as me cos i didn't tell him something cos i was doing it to spare him worry and pain. But apprently that makes me selfish.

I want to cut. I want to drink. I want to die.

So far i'm trying so ****ing hard to keep this together but i am so scared right now of what i might do. The only other person i can talk to is away and i can't get in touch.

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place, i just don't know what to do :(

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 11:55 PM

*gentle hugs* I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie... about your boyfriend, I mean. Have you tried explaining yet? or maybe wait a bit til he cools down some, I don't know, then try explaining again? :( It sounds like a truly shitty situation... wish I could help somehow other than offering platitudes (from which I will spare you, hah).

Oh, & it sounds like you're in the right place for this. The VPW is a supportive environment filled with caring people. :) You won't always get individual replies, but people still do care. And btw, I'm April. :)

MammaMia 24-07-2010 12:05 AM

*cuddles you both*

Scarletdreamer 24-07-2010 12:06 AM

*cuddles Hels* I wish I could make things better for you, love. :( Someday you will be happy, I can promise you that. Just keep seeking health, and happiness will come. ♥

xXMessedUpXx 24-07-2010 12:27 AM

Thank you, (i'm Beki)

He rang me but hung up on me, then i tried to call him but couldn't and he told me never to call him again. I texted and try to explain but he hasn't texted back. I've written him a letter explaining it but he won't see that until he gets home (we share a flat :( ) i rang my mum earlier and she said i did the right thing and that i was really brave trying to deal with it on my own without worrying anyone else.

Basically i've got Bells Palsy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell%27s_palsy) and was worried so called NHS Direct who said i had to come in and be checked to confirm it. They sent an ambulance cos i was on my own. I didn't call him cos i was told they were 99% certain of what it was but i had to be seen to diagnose it, same reason i didnt call my family. They would have assumed the worst and been so worried. When its a minor problem really.

It was terrifying for me as the last time i was in an ambulance and in hospital i nearly died (cos of an OD) and i cant believe hes blaming me for this. It was so hard last night but i did it alone so he wouldnt worry, he's on holiday in france and there would have been nothing he could have done.

i just feel like i dont deserve this :( i was trying to protect him

FlyingNy 24-07-2010 12:43 AM

You don't deserve it Beki, and if he won't listen to you then perhaps he's not worth your time of day. I understand completly about not wating to worry people, it's part of the reason I am so shut off, I don't want people to worry about me when they have so many of their own problems, among many other reasons I'm the 'Ice Queen' that I've been labelled as.

I've had a situation like this before where somone's told me not to contact them again, but it was completly unjustified so I decided I wasn't having it and they had to at least give me a proper reason, so I ignored the no contract rule and commented on their blog telling them to at least explain to me what the **** was going on and it turned out to be a misunderstanding and it was never them who sent the message in the first place.

Anyway, the point is he might understand if you do manage to explain. Have you pushed him out before? Because it can get very frustrating, as I have learned from the people around me who are ready to kill me right about now. It must be horrible watching someone you love hurting with no idea what's even hurting them, let alone how to help.

You're always welcome on here, whatever your problem. We're a pretty multi cultural group, so there will always be someone around depending on time differences and sleep problems.

Take care sweetie. *Hugs*

*Hugs April* I'm sorry about the way you are feeling right now. It can really suck to feel lonely, especially when there's someone in the house because then there's no logical reason for it. I can be in the middle of my English lesson, surrounded by people and feel so incredibly alone. You have us though, we're here :)

Spies Kahlia and Oliver, how are you two?


FlyingNy 24-07-2010 12:56 AM

Oh guys, this is a goodbye for the next week. Which scares me in a way. I need the support here, I know I don't ask for it a lot, but it's a comfort knowing it's here. I'm gonna be screwed for the next week. Ah well, I'll live. I'll have distractions, but it worries me that I'm taking my blades and 'emergancy' pills.

Hope you're all ok, and I don't want to come back to find anyone's left us! Yes, that is a threat. Mwahaha!

*Hugs to all.*

Thanks for listening to me the other night April, it's really appreciated.


frenchhorn 24-07-2010 01:01 AM

Hi Beki, I'm Oliver. I'm sorry to hear what happened, but like Lia said if he isn't listening is he worth it. sorry don't have any good advice *hugs*

*hugs April* I'm sorry you've been lonely today, it really is the worst when your lonely but surrounded by others, but as Lia said we're here and sending you lots of hugs.

*hugs Lia* how are you tonight/today? hope the week goes ok, please stay safe. Where are you off to? (really sorry if you have said, brain like a seive me)

*hugs Hels* how are you doing now?

*hugs* all other wardies who have popped in at some point, sorry to not name you all, but hope your all ok.

**** I'm stressed about this weekend and its for pathetic reasons.

Kahlia1981 24-07-2010 01:18 AM

*huggles everyone*

Still alive and kicking Lia - though still as anxious as hell.
The beta-blockers are doing absolutely nothing for me. . . . with the possible exception of making me tired.
I see my psychiatrist this coming week - hopefully we can nut something out ... maybe.
Am going to email the advocate-person as well this weekend hopefully to explain what I need to know and when I need to know it by.
Hopefully it will be an easier week this week - but I won't hold my breath.
Still, as I've said before ... a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step . . . but so does falling down a flight of stairs . . .

Scarletdreamer 24-07-2010 01:54 AM

The following content has been hidden - Reason : may be sui trig
Someone I knew & grew up knowing, went to school with (he was a few years ahead of me), etc... found out that he just died. As in, between today & Wednesday. Not suicide, I don't think, but what a perfect ending to a perfect day. /sarcasm


frenchhorn 24-07-2010 02:08 AM

*cuddles April tight*

Scarletdreamer 24-07-2010 02:20 AM

*cuddles Oliver back* I... don't know how I feel. Stunned, I guess. Out of it, definitely. Just... I don't know. It doesn't quite feel real.

And on top of THAT, I'm anxious. DAMN YOU, ANXIETY!!!!!! :crying:

frenchhorn 24-07-2010 02:26 AM

*cuddles April* sorry you feel so anxious, anything to calm you, green tea? something fun to do? sorry i'm not more help

Scarletdreamer 24-07-2010 02:28 AM

It's okay. I think I'm going to go take a cool-ish shower, then read in bed for awhile. Am reading a lot of books right now & one of which is one that I can lose myself in quite easily... so yeah. Should be good for trying to forget about that news... :( It's too warm for tea but I might try it later if I'm still awake & the apartment is cool enough.

*cuddles all*

frenchhorn 24-07-2010 02:30 AM

ok *cuddles April* i hope the shower and reading help and that you can sleep.

risenfromperdition 24-07-2010 04:26 AM

bet its not pathetic whatev reason you're stressed bout wknd oliver <3

*hugs april tight as possible <3*

hidingme 24-07-2010 06:56 AM

sarah was referring to my xanax. we take lexapro daily but xanax is only for when the anxiety/panick sets in strong.

MammaMia 24-07-2010 10:13 AM

*cuddles all*

Sorry to hear about your friend April :(

Doikers 24-07-2010 11:10 AM

*Hugs April* I'm sorry to hear about your friend too April .

*Hugs everyone else*

Hi Beki * Waves * I'm Mark .

Scarletdreamer 24-07-2010 11:24 AM

Good morning everyone. *cuddles all*

Got to sleep after reading for about 15 minutes, was exhausted. Jarrod came to bed around 2am. GRRRR. :-X Stupid WoW. Anyway...

Today we're gonna go to a museum in the area, since it's gonna be a horrifically hot & humid day. That should be kinda fun. Anyone else have any plans??

*extra cuddles*

Sorry, am not very talkative as I just got up. :(

frenchhorn 24-07-2010 11:42 AM

*hugs April* museum sounds good, I love museum especially if they have lots of gruesome historical facts, or have loads of stuff about the Tudors!!
I hope you have fun. I'm off to my grandma's 80th bday party, abut 40 people, mostly all over 50 other than me and my sister, thats what I'm stressed about, lots of strange people n a small area. Although I'm driving there, about 1 hour 30 mins down the motorway.
I also spy you hehe *glomps*

Spies Mark *glomps* how are you this morning?

*hugs Hels, Heather, Hiding, and all others who have been in over the night/day for you*

Doikers 24-07-2010 11:48 AM

OOhhhh I stayed in bed too long this morning , stupid lack of motivation and general numbness :S

What kind of museum is it April? I Like museums , at least I think I do , haven't been in one for a while. I have no plans heh , I'm going for a walk just for the exercise and so I can put it on my "Daily Diary" for my nurse , I could lie and say I did it and not do it but thats just not me ....

*Hugs Oliver* Have a good time at your grandmas 80th birthday , I hope the drive is ok.

Scarletdreamer 24-07-2010 12:42 PM

It's a glass museum, but it currently has a show on about medieval glass. :) So I'm looking forward to that... should be nice. Plus, it'll get Jarrod and me away from the computers & a warm apartment for awhile. >_< He did a raid on WoW last night, which is why I said "stupid WoW" - I don't know... it just pissed me off that he was doing that, without me especially, when we had hardly done anything at all yesterday together. :( I guess the quote on my FB profile is right: "Loneliness is not always being alone. It is also lonely to be without love. I am not lonely because no one loves me, I am because I do not love myself." I am so lonely, even when Jarrod's home... I don't know. It's just frustrating. :(

Anyway. Enough whinging about that... I should go & take my meds & get some breakfast, get dressed, etc. :-S I hope that today goes well, as Jarrod's planning on raiding again tonight. :(

shadowedsoul 24-07-2010 02:01 PM

Hugs everyone.
Hmm heading to glasgow for the weekend and normally I'm excited but I really can't be bothered at all, got 4 days off and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and hide. =(

hidingme 24-07-2010 04:02 PM

hey beki~
my aunt had bells palsy for a short time. (sorry if i seem excited or something just never heard anyone else mention it before)

my aunt has breast cancer that warped into bone cancer.. not sure if it was the chemo that cause the bell's or just coincedence..but she only had it maybe a few weeks.. i think i remember her saying something about it being triggered by the chicken pox virus that we carry in our bodies from childhood??
*shrug* not sure.
anyhow hope you dont struggle too much with it. from what my cousins told me.. it is sorta scarey.. cause well they thought my aunt had had a stroke.

take care hon

hidingme 24-07-2010 04:04 PM

we did hav plans but wel it to hot outsid to go zoo. i kina sad cuz i waz reeli cited to go zoo, but it ok cuz we hav werk tomoro cuz boss is a big meenie hed.

misskitty112 24-07-2010 05:10 PM

*cuddles everyone*
My cast is going out to eat after the performance today... and I'm so nervous.

Doikers 24-07-2010 05:19 PM

OOOhhhhh Have a good time out Felicia! :) *Hugs*

Grr Sarah , I'm sorry you didn't get to go to the zoo but maybe you can go another time soon.

pea soup 24-07-2010 07:03 PM

hi guys and girls,

i dont know any of you right now. ive been away for a while. and well...my life has taken a turn for the worst and i just dont care about doing anything. i managed to do some dishes, laundry, and vaccuum last night, then i took care of the kid this morning....i would have preferred to do none of that. but i had to. now, i havent slept all night....im exhausted and simply cant sleep....so im just hanging out on RYL to stay occupied. thanks for letting me share. and nice to meet you guys.

Doikers 24-07-2010 07:38 PM

Hi Pea soup *Waves enthusiasticly* I'm Mark :)

misskitty112 24-07-2010 08:25 PM

Hi pea soup! I'm Felicia! Feel free to stay around as much as you'd like to. I'm sorry that life's giving you a hard time *hugs*

katnovia 24-07-2010 09:14 PM

Hi peasoup, i'm kat *waves limply* sorry not much enthusiasium...mind wont stay still. *curls up and hides*

Scarletdreamer 24-07-2010 09:16 PM

*cries softly in the corner* :'(

katnovia 24-07-2010 09:24 PM

*crawls up to april* cuddle?

Doikers 24-07-2010 09:38 PM

*Hugs Kat* It sucks when your mind races sometimes , I hope it calms a bit and you sleep well.

*Hugs April* :( Whats up ?

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