:crying:

*cuddles April tight*

*cuddles Oliver back* I... don't know how I feel. Stunned, I guess. Out of it, definitely. Just... I don't know. It doesn't quite feel real.

And on top of THAT, I'm anxious. DAMN YOU, ANXIETY!!!!!! :crying:

*cuddles April* sorry you feel so anxious, anything to calm you, green tea? something fun to do? sorry i'm not more help

It's okay. I think I'm going to go take a cool-ish shower, then read in bed for awhile. Am reading a lot of books right now & one of which is one that I can lose myself in quite easily... so yeah. Should be good for trying to forget about that news... :( It's too warm for tea but I might try it later if I'm still awake & the apartment is cool enough.

*cuddles all*

ok *cuddles April* i hope the shower and reading help and that you can sleep.

bet its not pathetic whatev reason you're stressed bout wknd oliver <3

*hugs april tight as possible <3*

*cuddles all*

Sorry to hear about your friend April :(

*Hugs April* I'm sorry to hear about your friend too April .

*Hugs everyone else*

Hi Beki * Waves * I'm Mark .

Good morning everyone. *cuddles all*

Got to sleep after reading for about 15 minutes, was exhausted. Jarrod came to bed around 2am. GRRRR. :-X Stupid WoW. Anyway...

Today we're gonna go to a museum in the area, since it's gonna be a horrifically hot & humid day. That should be kinda fun. Anyone else have any plans??

*extra cuddles*

Sorry, am not very talkative as I just got up. :(

*hugs April* museum sounds good, I love museum especially if they have lots of gruesome historical facts, or have loads of stuff about the Tudors!!
I hope you have fun. I'm off to my grandma's 80th bday party, abut 40 people, mostly all over 50 other than me and my sister, thats what I'm stressed about, lots of strange people n a small area. Although I'm driving there, about 1 hour 30 mins down the motorway.
I also spy you hehe *glomps*

Spies Mark *glomps* how are you this morning?

*hugs Hels, Heather, Hiding, and all others who have been in over the night/day for you*

OOhhhh I stayed in bed too long this morning , stupid lack of motivation and general numbness :S

What kind of museum is it April? I Like museums , at least I think I do , haven't been in one for a while. I have no plans heh , I'm going for a walk just for the exercise and so I can put it on my "Daily Diary" for my nurse , I could lie and say I did it and not do it but thats just not me ....

*Hugs Oliver* Have a good time at your grandmas 80th birthday , I hope the drive is ok.

It's a glass museum, but it currently has a show on about medieval glass. :) So I'm looking forward to that... should be nice. Plus, it'll get Jarrod and me away from the computers & a warm apartment for awhile. >_< He did a raid on WoW last night, which is why I said "stupid WoW" - I don't know... it just pissed me off that he was doing that, without me especially, when we had hardly done anything at all yesterday together. :( I guess the quote on my FB profile is right: "Loneliness is not always being alone. It is also lonely to be without love. I am not lonely because no one loves me, I am because I do not love myself." I am so lonely, even when Jarrod's home... I don't know. It's just frustrating. :(

Anyway. Enough whinging about that... I should go & take my meds & get some breakfast, get dressed, etc. :-S I hope that today goes well, as Jarrod's planning on raiding again tonight. :(

Hugs everyone.
Hmm heading to glasgow for the weekend and normally I'm excited but I really can't be bothered at all, got 4 days off and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and hide. =(

hey beki~
my aunt had bells palsy for a short time. (sorry if i seem excited or something just never heard anyone else mention it before)

my aunt has breast cancer that warped into bone cancer.. not sure if it was the chemo that cause the bell's or just coincedence..but she only had it maybe a few weeks.. i think i remember her saying something about it being triggered by the chicken pox virus that we carry in our bodies from childhood??
*shrug* not sure.
anyhow hope you dont struggle too much with it. from what my cousins told me.. it is sorta scarey.. cause well they thought my aunt had had a stroke.

take care hon
Hiding

we did hav plans but wel it to hot outsid to go zoo. i kina sad cuz i waz reeli cited to go zoo, but it ok cuz we hav werk tomoro cuz boss is a big meenie hed.
Sarah

*cuddles everyone*
My cast is going out to eat after the performance today... and I'm so nervous.

OOOhhhhh Have a good time out Felicia! :) *Hugs*

Grr Sarah , I'm sorry you didn't get to go to the zoo but maybe you can go another time soon.

hi guys and girls,

i dont know any of you right now. ive been away for a while. and well...my life has taken a turn for the worst and i just dont care about doing anything. i managed to do some dishes, laundry, and vaccuum last night, then i took care of the kid this morning....i would have preferred to do none of that. but i had to. now, i havent slept all night....im exhausted and simply cant sleep....so im just hanging out on RYL to stay occupied. thanks for letting me share. and nice to meet you guys.

Hi Pea soup *Waves enthusiasticly* I'm Mark :)

Hi pea soup! I'm Felicia! Feel free to stay around as much as you'd like to. I'm sorry that life's giving you a hard time *hugs*

Hi peasoup, i'm kat *waves limply* sorry not much enthusiasium...mind wont stay still. *curls up and hides*

*cries softly in the corner* :'(

*crawls up to april* cuddle?

*Hugs Kat* It sucks when your mind races sometimes , I hope it calms a bit and you sleep well.

*Hugs April* :( Whats up ?

thanks mark, though i dont know if it will. new antidepressants, and some of the side effects include restlessness and inablity to fall asleep, just great! *hugs*

Hey Rach, you probably remember me...

*cuddles everyone espically April* What's up?

*cuddles Kat, Mark, Hels*
*group cuddle!!*

Umm, just petty stuff again. Feeling unwanted/unneeded, etc. Stupid stuff really. I'm just too sensitive these days. Really shouldn't be so damn sensitive... but I can't help it. Can't blame it on the meds either, I think it's just my point in recovery + where I am in my "cycle" if you get what I mean. :o

Stupid April, stupid stupid stupid. :-X

*Hugs April* you are NOT Stupid :)

Thanks, Mark, for the encouragement, but the "little voice in my head" says otherwise. I should know by now not to listen to it, oops. :(

I'm really concerned about a lot of you, you're struggling awfully & it feels like I can't do a single thing about it. Just know that my PM box is open ALLLL the time.

I'm honestly exhausted. Just want to go to bed. Jarrod will be staying up late to raid again though. I just don't feel good enough. I'm sidelined. I'm... not good enough. I don't know. I suck.

:crying:

Hugs everyone. Hmm mabye going down and coming back up from Glasgow wasn't the best idea. Got a three hour drive ahead of me now in the pitch dark in the rain. Great......not.

Take care of yourself, Jill. *gentle hugs* How're you doing??

*hides in the warren*

Huggless April , hmm I'm not great right now I'm n a bit of pain and my chest is hurting because I'm coughing so much. Were about an hour away from home and it's 1am. Sorry being a whiney sod.

Awww. You're not a whingy sod, not at all... *more gentle hugs* That's late!! Hopefully you get some good sleep tonight once you get home... :( I'm sorry that you're in pain & coughing so much. :(

I just got run through a dungeon on WoW (Deadmines) on my level 12 pally. :D It was good "girl-time" even though it was a dungeon run-through. :) It made me happy, hehe, because most of the time it's just Jarrod running me through places and that is definitely NOT girl-time... lol. But we had a good time, I even managed to laugh when my toon died... so yes. :) Definitely a good guild on Bronzebeard-US. :)

Anyway. I'm really warm & need to take a shower shortly... but it's only 8pm and I don't want to go to bed just yet. :-/

*cuddles all*

I spy Oliver... *glomps* :D

*feels alone - STILL* :(

I'm here April....

Really really struggling.....

*huggles all* - Sorry it's not more. :-(
Feel a bit like I'm letting all of you down ...

Had a chat to my housemate last night. Told him I felt like I "wanted to disappear". He said he could see why - with the anxiety and everything. We had a chat about stuff. Was kind of cathartic really - getting things out in the open.

I do have some good news, but I feel kind of bad sharing it with everyone struggling. :-( Anyway, I made it to my 23 month SI free milestone this morning.

Now I want to give:
Jill: *big hugs*
April: *big hugs*
Helen: *big hugs*
Everyone who is struggling and can accept them: *big hugs*

oooooo go you =D thats AMAZING =]
*hugs everyone who wants*

Kahlia, congrats on the 23 months! And I'm glad you could get things out in the open.

*hugs everyone else*

I need to go to bed. Last performance and second cast party tomorrow. Also I just had a huge fight with my fiance and I'm fighting urges, using the "do something else for five minutes and see if it's still there" method. I need to sleep before I completely destroy myself.

I love you all.

*Hugs April* Hee glad you enjoyed running through that dungeon. Also I'm sorry I left chat so fast on FB last night :( I was pretty tired ....

*Hugs Helen* I hope you feel better today*

*Hugs Heather* How are you ?

Hugs Kahlia* 23 Months is huge! way to go !:-)

*Hugs Felicia* I'm sorry you had a fight with your fiance , I hope you patch things up soon :)

*Hugs Jill* I hope you got home safe and sound :)

I'm exausted, I crawled ( almost literally) out of bed not long ago , I'm really struggling to function some days , especially before 3 pm or so , sorry.

Kahlia, congratulations, I'm 5 months free today *cuddles tight*

Mark, not really, but hey.

OOOhhh Helen I'm sorry you are still feeling crap:( *Hug*
5 months is a pretty huge acheivement , congratulations!! :-)

I got forgotten about and didn't get any dinner. This is not a good thing on top of the su urges I've been graced with this evening. Nothing has even been said about it. Not even an 'oops, sorry'.

I'm sorry you're not feeling any better, Hels. *cuddles*

Mark, it's okay that you left chat so fast, I understand being tired & wanting to get to sleep while it lasts. :) *curls up next to*

Kahlia, glad you had that chat but sorry you're still feeling icky... :( *holds you gently*

Felicia, hope you made it through okay... and also hope that you patched things up with your fiancé today somehow. *cuddles*

Heather, how are you?

I just got up & I'm not sure how I'm doing... this is the latest I've slept in, in AGES!!!! So I'm not sure how I feel about that either. Hah. I'm just a mixed up mess I guess. >_<

*hides in a hole*

Aw, Jess, I'm sorry. :( Sorry if this is a dense question, but couldn't you have gotten your own dinner? (no condemnation or anything in that question, just curious) Anyway, am sorry that you got forgotten about etc... that sucks... not good for your ED on top of everything else!! *gentle hugs*

*Hugs Jessica* I sorry you didn't get any dinner , It sucks to be forgoten about , oddly enough a very similar thing happened to me a while ago whilst visiting my parents so I know how it feels :( No fun.

*hugs April and Mark* Thanks. It's not the first time it's happened. My housemate absolutely assured me that it would not happen this evening. I double checked in case I would need to make something instead. My stepdad used to do it to me a lot when I was living at home so it makes me feel a fair bit worse about it.

Aww. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say than what I already said, but in any case - *gentle hugs* I hope that today goes a bit better for you. :)

Just got off WoW... *sigh* I've considered taking a break from that game but I don't think I could... hah. :-X So yeah. I don't really know. I mean, I "need" the social interaction from the game but it's driving me absolutely wild now (compare snare with level 80s and how many people in my main guild on Silvermoon have, etc., etc...)... so yeah. I'm taking a break from that realm and working on a toon on Bronzebeard instead. :-/

So damn over this. All of it. :(

*cries softly in a corner*

*crawls into the warren* *breathes deeply* I'm trying to stay calm. everything seems to have kicked off over the last week. I have so many appointments coming up i'm completely overwhelmed. I feel like there's someone who's tugging on my right hand and mind, but they're not 'coming out and i cant figure out who they are. *curls up in a ball and hides*