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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

zowie 22-06-2009 11:31 AM

Ugh. I had a horrible dream that just reminded me how snubbed I feel by my ex and how bitter I am that he dumped me for a girl he hardly knew after being together for three years.
He's a ****.

shadowedseraph 22-06-2009 11:36 AM

*hugs to all on the ward* Well its monday again, and although its sunny outside here on the ward it is a nice moderate temeperature. *slumps on the sofa and cries quietly*

realflifefaerie 22-06-2009 11:37 AM

*hugs Rainbow* I'm glad things are going well.

*hugs wildly insane* I'm so glad you had a nice holiday, hope you feel better this morning.

*hugs Damnation* was a brave thing to do.

*hugs MammaMia*

*hugs Kahila* Good luck with you're surgery.

*hugs BigBear*

*hugs zowie* I can sympathise with you about horrible dreams, however it sounds like you're better off without him honey.

I feel rubbish this morning I have the shakes and all sorts.

*leaves hugs for others lurking around*

zowie 22-06-2009 11:45 AM

Thanks secrets.
*Hugs* Hope you feel better. xx

shadowedseraph 22-06-2009 03:51 PM

*Hugs secrets* Hope your feeling a bit better

*hugs zowie* how are you feeling now hon?

zowie 22-06-2009 05:13 PM

Much better thanks. I had a nap on the sofa for a couple of hours and all the bad thoughts have passed. For now.

shadowedseraph 22-06-2009 06:02 PM

I'm glad your feeling a bit better :)

wildly insane 22-06-2009 06:17 PM

I'm trying so hard not to do anything to myself I feel sick and I just want to give in :(

*hugs Arwen* he sounds so not worth your pain hun

*hugs shadowedseraph* hope you are okay

*hugs Secrets back* feeling worse :( hope you're feeling better though

*hugs Katie* thanks :) how are you?

*hugs Kahlia* good luck with your wrist, hope you are okay too

*hugs Helen* hope tv tonight is good :P

*hugs Dayna* hope it's okay with your mum

*hugs everyone else, sorry it's not more*

*curls up in a corner and buries her head under a blanket*

realflifefaerie 22-06-2009 06:37 PM

Argh I'm so so stressed.

I don't want these panic attacks again

~*Rainbow*~ 22-06-2009 07:50 PM

*hugs Secrets* - Why you stressed out sweetie??

zowie 22-06-2009 08:12 PM

Thanks guys.
Yeah, he's really not worth it. I just can't seem to stop loving him and wishing he was with me :(

Damnation. 22-06-2009 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zowie (Post 1702529)
Thanks guys.
Yeah, he's really not worth it. I just can't seem to stop loving him and wishing he was with me :(

I. Know. How. You. Feel.

That **** who backstabbed me keeps invading my ****ing dreams again. He was in one last night, saying he missed he and all this ****, and even though he's not worth so much as the time of day, I still can't help but wish that things were how they used to be :/. That dream's ****ed me right up today

realflifefaerie 22-06-2009 09:35 PM

And so the day gets worse. Can I hide please?

zowie 22-06-2009 09:45 PM

Dayna - Yeah, I dreamt about him last night. About him snubbing me and kissing his new (17 year old) girlfriend in front of me.
Arrrrrrrghh. Really ****ed me up too.
Feeling a bit better right now, have been chain smoking all day to keep myself calm, so now my chest kinda hurts. But I'm probs going to watch a film with my dad tonight which is something to look forward to.

Will do individual replies tomorrow for anyone who posts between now and then.
xxx

youonlyliveonce 22-06-2009 10:26 PM

hides in the cupboard. this is all just a waste of time

HopeFades 22-06-2009 10:31 PM

*hugs* cherylwilson136

everybody has the strength to overcome their biggest fears, the greatest hurdle is to find the inner strength and belief to pick yourself up from a downfall, and know that you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it, because at the end of the day human beings are fantastic creatures with an amazing ability to overcome adversity. stay strong guys its all worth the effort ultimately xxx

MammaMia 23-06-2009 12:13 AM

Why does my ex have to screw up my head along with everything else. All I want to do is curl up and sob for a very long time and then die :(

Eclectica 23-06-2009 03:37 AM

Keep getting suicidal thoughts. They're getting stronger. Though I know I cn't die.

URGH. I wish I could either live without the thoughts or just die without any consequence.

But no. I have to live with the suicidal shittyness.

likelionsdo 23-06-2009 05:15 AM

*grabs a blanket, her stuffed kitty, and fluffy pillow and settles down on a big comfy couch*
Thought i'd stop by for a little bit. Making some chamomile vanilla tea- anyone want some?

wildly insane 23-06-2009 09:58 AM

gosh it does sound tough. I didn't give in, I have no idea how I made it but it was definitely thanks to some friends who for some reason think I'm worth it.

*hugs to everybody*

Hi Tara, make yourself at home :)

*hugs Kat* sorry things are so hard, don't give up

*hugs Helen* Men, pah,, they just don't leave you alone do they :P you are worth so much more *cuddles*

*hugs Cheryl* it isn't, one day you'll be glad :)

*hugs Arwen* hope you're feeling better and you had a good evening with your dad watching a film.

*hugs Secrets* hope you are feeling better today

*hugs Dayna* it's such a shame we can't just stop loving someone just because they treat us like ****, but it will get easier, hope today is better.

*hugs Gil* how are you?

*hugs Katie, kahlia, hannahbanana, Shadowedseraph, Jem, bex, Hayley, onestepcloser and anyone else hiding or dropping in*

right now for today ...

moonprincessanita 23-06-2009 10:20 AM

*grabs her stuffed teddy and sits in a corner with a comforter* away from other people. feeling suicidal. doesn't want to hurt anyone else

zowie 23-06-2009 11:40 AM

*Hugs Cheryl* What's up sweets?

Tat's really touching, Bex. Thanks for sharing.

*Hugs Helen* Aww babes, I know how you feel. He's not worth your tears, seriously. Forget him, try not to let him get to you.


*Hugs Kat* Suicidal thoughts are horrible, but I'm glad you know that you can't die because of the consequences and people you'd leave behind. When you get those thoughts, try as hard as you can to think of the good things you have in your life and hold onto that.

Hello Tara. Welcome to the ward. Glad to see you've made yourself comfy :)

Hannah - Well done for not giving in, that was really strong of you.

*Hugs Anita* We're all here if you need to rant or anything. Stay safe hun.

--------

I'm feeling alright today. Wishing I had something to do. Might phone my CPN as the stupid woman hasn't contacted me in over a month, tell her about the dark thoughts I've been having etc. I also want a meds review so I can ask her to arrange that.

*Leaves hugs*
xxx

realflifefaerie 23-06-2009 12:16 PM

I'm really sorry don't have time for individual replies.
Thanks for the hugs, I'm not actually feeling any better but hey.

*leaves hugs and biscuits*

~Kaytee~ 23-06-2009 01:49 PM

I should be happy for him right? I just don't know what to think or feel. Feel so confused about it. And I know one coffee doesn't mean ****. But what if it turns into something more? What if I get a 'new' mum? I don't WANT a new mum *sigh* Should stop being so selfish (Y)

shadowedseraph 23-06-2009 02:29 PM

*hugs BigBear* its hard to accept things like that, i think what your feeling is completely understandable and not selfish at all!

likelionsdo 23-06-2009 06:01 PM

Oh bigbear.. you're not selfish!!
My parent's divorce isn't final yet but my mom is living with her new boyfriend- she even wanted to bring him to my graduation and prom! I don't think i'm wrong in the least in saying I don't want the divorce to be final.. I'm afraid she'll marry him after... I don't want anyone like him in my life... and I don't know how to get her to see what a bad person he is.. ugh.

realflifefaerie 23-06-2009 06:14 PM

*hugs zowie* I can identify with that so much, although it doesn't bother me he tries his best to provoke me which does upset me. How did contacting your CPN go?

*hugs cheryl* what's a waste of time honey?

*hugs bex* thanks for sharing that.

*hugs Helen* you're worth more than he is honey, try not to let him get to you.

*hugs Eclectic*a* well done for having the strength to fight them, I agree with zowie, focus on the positive. Thinking of you.

*hugs Tara* Welcome, I hope you find it supportive.

*hugs wildly insane* well done for not giving in!

*hugs anita* Feel free to talk if you want.

*hugs Bigbear* it's understandable to feel that way, you aren't being selfish honey.

*hugs shadowedseraph and any other lurkers*

I just wan this anxiety to go now, it's become constant and is getting worse. I'm so so scared but I'm not sure about what specifically.

likelionsdo 23-06-2009 06:20 PM

if you have any tea, or hot cocoa that helps me when i get my anxiety attacks, secrets :) or a nice long shower helps too!

Eclectica 23-06-2009 06:34 PM

It's hard to focus on the positive wheneverything feels negative. Though yea, I can't die cause it wuold hurt my mum too much. Ick.

zowie 23-06-2009 06:36 PM

I finally managed to get hold of my CPN. She's seeing me Friday.
My dad and I are feeling pissed off that she left it this long and it had to be down to me to contact her. Plus I need to ask her to arrange a meds review, which should be every six months at least.
Ugh. Greenacres are useless.

Eclectica 23-06-2009 08:05 PM

I have the urge to get very drunk and hurt myself.

But I won't, cause then he'll rant at me even more.

Eclectica 23-06-2009 08:32 PM

He says he can't handle the stress of my problems, and threatens to break up with me 'cause of it. Maybe unless I start lying. But I don't lie.

And I don't even TELL him my problems! He watches the posts on here to look what Im thinking and how I feel! So why read it to see how I am, THEN COMPLAIN AT ME FOR STRESSING HIM?

He asks how I am on occasion and I say I'm fine.

AND I'M IN THE WRONG? Hah! It's just laughable now.

I'm in the wrong for doing nothing 'cept living and typing out my problems to a forum THAT HE DOESN'T USE.

Tell me i'm in the wrong. I must be somehow, else he wouldn't hurt me.

Damnation. 23-06-2009 08:35 PM

Ugh, wtf? Sense: that makes none x_x *hugs*

Eclectica 23-06-2009 08:40 PM

Fuming at how idiotic ans selfish guys can ****ing be.

IT'S PATHETICALLY STUPID.

I DON'T TELL HIM HOW I FEEL CAUSE I KNOW IT STRESSES HIM, SO I KEEP IT HERE, AND HE READS IT AND COM-****ING-PLAINS.

likelionsdo 23-06-2009 09:13 PM

my boyfriend's kind of like that too- i don't tell him when i want to cut and he just goes on about how stressed i make him... which totally isn't possible if i don't tell him my problems. I have a good guy friend I talk to once in a while about my problems so i don't stress my boyfriend out with them and then he tells me he doesn't want me to talk to that guy.
*rolls eyes*
boys sometimes, right?
eclectic*a he sounds a bit like a douche to you, and i'm sorry for that *hugs*

Strawberry.Bananas 23-06-2009 09:15 PM

*sobs in the corner* I'm sorry guys, I'm back again. And I'm in a state. I can't handle this anymore.

CrazyHayley 23-06-2009 09:22 PM

*group huggles everyone in ward*

Hey guys, I came back from my hols on sunday but only just got my laptop back off of my mate, so this is the first opportunity I've had to come on here. Am shattered and other things that I won't go on about right now, but I'm glad I've therapy tomorrow....

Anyhoo, nearly 10pages of stuff has gone on since I escaped the ward, so I'm sorry but there's too much for individual responses. I'll try and get back into the swing of things soon, but for now, I need an early night.

*snuggles down in favourite spot by the big pot plant*

wildly insane 23-06-2009 11:40 PM

*hugs* sorry that's all I can do right now

*hugs Hayley* welcome back, how was your holiday? hope the meeting with the counsellor goes okay tomorrow

*hugs Vicki* what's up, you can tell us :)

*hugs Tara* whatever you do don't stop talking to your guy friend, I find you need your real friends more than you need anybody else.

*hugs Kat* that is idiotic, don't listen to him, have you tried to make him see sense?

*hugs Dayna* how are you?

*hugs Arwen* cpn sounds useless :P hope the meeting goes okay

*hugs Secrets* hope the anxiety is abating, I finding concentrating on breathing helps, and going for a walk

*hugs Shadowedseraph* how are you?

*hugs Katie* it's perfectly understandable, but don't worry no-one will ever replace your mum in you or your dad's eyes, someone else is someone else always.

*hugs Anita* you can talk to us if you want, we're here to listen

am crying, don't want to fight anymore

Damnation. 24-06-2009 12:38 AM

Feeling utter ****. Not even sure why. I kinda want to go back to bed :/

*hugs all*

~Kaytee~ 24-06-2009 02:18 AM

That appt was crap.
Really was. Horrible
And I have to go back in 2 weeks.
Blah. Don't make me. Please.
I shouldn't have said anything =[
Let me suffer in silence :D

Eclectica 24-06-2009 02:59 AM

I'm giving up on relatinoships.

I get no privacy on here. I don't care now. I'll post how I feel and not think of the rants i'll get as a consequence. It's my choice to post here, his choice to cry aboutr it, just not to me.

I think I might go SH before bed or something. It helps. Not like people understand that too much.

I OD myself to sleep. I cut myself. I drink myself into a coma. I smoke like there's no tomorrow.

I do what I want. He has the choice to read or ignore it. Hurt or hurt. I have problems, get over it, OR HELP ME AND STOP WHINING.

To make sly threats through simple sentences about breaking up is LOW. And i've heard it over ten times. Which is enough.

I love him, but - as he says - DO I NEED THIS STRESS?

wildly insane 24-06-2009 09:42 AM

can today start again?

realflifefaerie 24-06-2009 09:59 AM

*hugs everyone*

I'm really sorry i don't have time for individual replies, I should be out the door however am not even dressed. Can anyone tell I don't want today?

*hides*

~Kaytee~ 24-06-2009 11:08 AM

Thanks guys for the replies before =]
Just.. confusing time :notsure:

hannah- i wish today could start over.. hope your ok *cuddles*

secrets- dont apologise, hope you have a good day, hopefully, take care *cuddles*

Eclectic*a- men ay? o.O *cuddles* sorry, i dont know what else to say xx

zowie 24-06-2009 11:13 AM

*Hugs everyone* I have read, and I care.
Thinking of all of you xxx

~Kaytee~ 24-06-2009 11:23 AM

*hugs arwen* hope your ok xx

MammaMia 24-06-2009 03:16 PM

Hands up, I admit it, I can't cope :'( I'm sick & tired of people throwing accusations at me, telling me I'm making up lies about certain stuff and so so much more :'(

[Fog] 24-06-2009 03:35 PM

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been around for a while. My head's been pretty crowded, there's a new Person called Ana, and my anorexia is spiralling out of control.

My birthday turned out really good (with the exception of a load of purging which I'm trying to forget ever happened). Spent the morning and lunch with my family and then went to my boyfriend's and they all made me feel really special, it was a lovely day. And my main present from my folks was a budgie, he is the cutest little thing ever!!

I'm struggling at the moment, SHed last night, food is always a problem... Saw someone from the EIT yesterday and we talked about anorexia and anxiety disorder but it didn't really help a lot to be honest. Today went to the GP and got weighed and I have to have a blood test and ECG done this week. Just want to conquer this bloody ED but it's just so hard.

Lots of loves and hugs to everyone, I hope you are all doing ok, thinking of you all xxx

zowie 24-06-2009 03:38 PM

*Hugs Katie back* I'm okay thanks hun, was just too overwhelmed by lots of posts to do individual replies :P How are you? x

*Hugs Helen* I don't really know what to say, except I know what it's like to be accused of lying about something that really affects me. With me it's the voices. Don't know what you're talking about, but I hope you feel better soon. x

----

I ****ing need a cigarette. I texted my friend who sells baccy cheap to see if I could get some of him and pay him next week. He's usually okay with that, but he hasn't texted back.
My sister has lost her job and her phone, so she's not a happy bunny. She phoned me last night (drunk) off her flatmates phone to tell me she'd lost her phone (because it was a phone I lent to her) and said she'd come over tonight for a drink. I don't have any cash, but she said she'd buy me a bottle of wine. But she lost her job today, so she may have to save her pennies. And she may have completely forgotten she said she was coming round, I told her I'd phone her and remind her, completely forgetting she didn't have a phone!

Wow. What was the point in telling you all that.
Ramblings.

zowie 24-06-2009 03:40 PM

*Hugs HannahBanana* I'm sorry to hear that the ED is getting so hard. Try to let the EIT help, I found them useful when it came to understanding my experiences and ways of overcoming bad days. Baby steps honey, you will beat this one day. xx
PS. A budgie! :D Pics?


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