hey I remember that photo from when I first joined - and I can officially tell you now - you are beautiful - there's no if's or buts about it. Thank you

I changered it.
Save your eyyyyeeesss.
And now....I sleep.
Night guys.
Take care of yourselves.
I love you all so much
*hugs all round*

Offt :/
*tries to believe you*
*fails*
sorry :(

You know that's not what I meant!!!!! and we al know it only makes you feel good for a very short while - and then you feel worse for having done it again. Don't do that - or I will have to blame myslef for using the word release. I've been away for 3 days as I didn't have the confidence to say the right things on here - so I really need you to decide not to hurt yourslef - especially over a word I used.
Loads of hugs to you though x x x x

No worries Alex - I know it's really hard to have people complimenet you - but I honestly mean what I say. I just wish you could beleive it too - maybe one day.
Idea: I alwasy thought I was really fat as a kid - now I look back at photos and see how slim I was (I'm fat now!) did you alwasy think you were ugly - if so find some old photos and try and imagine a kid looking just like that asking you what you thought they looked like - I bet you will think they were pretty.

it's not your fault...it's my own f***in screwed up mind's fault.

I got one of those minds too - but you have to try

I am trying... and failing miserably :(

What is that animal (or whatever it is) in your signature? I like it. It's cute.

I have to go now - but I will be back tomorrow - feel free to pm me if you want to. I've had 2 nights of sleeping in a car and I am struggling to keep me eyes open right now - I bet I get to bed and sleep doesn't come - but I'm going to try. Night everyone - take care x x x x

It's a 3 toed Sloth - and they really are cute and so cuddly - I went to a sloth sanctuary a few months ago (unfortunatly I couldn't fit one in my bafg to bring home.

I absolutly love animals - they are the one thing that love you no mater what - they never angry with you - and they never break you trust.

*hugs Katch and Amanda*
Night Katch.
Amanda, I've woke up like that too sometimes and it sucks. Hang in there hun *snuggles*

I think I've quit drinking. Drank six in an hour and then was sick... Have three more but...

Ugh.

Guess who's got a very bad headache. Stabbing & sharp pains in my head. Not nice :(

*snuggles Helen* I did too. Alcohol helps. And water. Water is good (that came before the alcohol, because of the headach). Shouldn't you be asleep?
______________
I swear my cat knows when I'm going to cut. I start going through my 'kit' (includes first aid stuff as well as my harming stuff), cleaning it out so I can find stuff easier... And I hear 'thumpthumpthumpthumpthump' as down the stairs he comes... Lol weird.

aww ally, tis cos he loves u :)

sorry u hav a headache helen. that exam reminds me of when i did art and had 10hr exams....are u allowed to eat and talk during it? that makes it much better.

hi amanda and katch.

i am struggling a bit today.
just depressed for no reason.

argh.

Cloe hunni, you've got a good reason... We in the field of psychology like to call it 'depression' lol ;-) sorry you probably don't want any teasing atm *snuggles* I'm sorry you're struggling luv, I hope it gets better.
-----------------------
Arggg, I can't even cut right any more! I found some nerves on the one on my wrist... G*d it hurt like hell and still aches... But I can still use my hand so it's all good. And the other one didn't bleed like I wanted it to:-( I know, sick, right? *shrug*

we in the field of psychology huh?! haha.
well in my esteemed opinion, depression sucks.

please be careful around nerves hun.

*thwap**swats Cloe with a pillow then pounces on her and gives her a hug*

Yes, 'we' :-D I'm going (hopefully) to have a BA in psychology in a few weeks. As for your esteemed opinion :-D I totally agree, it bites, big time *snuggles* I'm sorry you're having such a time of it hun.

As for nerves, thanks, I stopped shortly (though not immediately:pinch) after I felt the first twinge.

*sigh* I'm going home for Powwow tomorrow and since I'm only going to be gone about a day and a half I'm not taking my cat (he hates to travel). And I'm already a bit down thinking about not having him. Silly Ally.

*sits in corner-rocking* oh god oh god... oh god... this cant be happening!!!!!

What's happening Amanda?

I just purged... and saw blood!!!!!!!!!

Alright sweetie, calm down. Is this a new habit (purging) or have you been doing it a while? And are you sure it's blood? I recently had a similar scare myself.

I don't do it often... maybe once every few weeks

Hmmm. I'm thinking it's probably not connected but you should probably talk to a professional (instead of a 24 year old psych major ;-)) if you're worried *hugs*

I sure hope its not connected

I do too. But like I said, it might not have even been blood... I hope you talk to someone about it though. *hugs*

I've got to go to bed... Have a 3 1/2 hour drive tomorrow morning... Woo-hoo...

Take care hun

hey amanda,

blood often does happen with purging, unfortunately, along with a host of other nasty things as well if u do it frequently and continuously.

how much blood was it? like, a little spot, or several drops? if it was a few drops i would go to a doctor to check you don't have a little tear in your throat or anything, and if it happens again DEFINITELY go to the doctor. better to be safe than sorry.

- wasn't meant to worry you too much hun :) just in a tell-it-like-it-is mood i guess.

night night ally. be good ;)

*peeps in*

welcome in erin!!!!

Hi everyone. Hope you're all doing okay this morning.
The crisis team stayed with me for a while last night and made me take my meds so that I'd fall asleep. I slept awfully, and I still feel exactly the same as I did last night. I'm really scared that I'm going to stab someone today. Seriously, the urge is way too strong.
The crisis team are coming over in ten minutes and I'm not going to work today. Wish me luck? x

I wish you all the luck in the world - but I also wish you strength to get you through this - you have to be strong right now Zowie and fight any urges you have - you should also tell the people that arrive just how bad the urges are - if they can understand you completely they will be in a better position to help you - don't hide from them.
Hugging you tight, xxx

good luck zowie!
please just carry on being strong and dont let beth take charge cos YOU can be in charge hunny!
hope u have an ok day.
i suggest eating chocolate and watching funny movies

My headache is gone and I frigging girl pains *whistles* instead >.< Men really don't know they're born :blink: Anyway....well when we're in the exam room we can't eat. Um like we do two sessions of two hours a day (kinda drives you crazy if you're tired) and in that you can't talk, listen to music, eat or drink =( Probs cus it's at a computer and like you could put your mp3 or whatever onto it and use files on there to cheat. Meh. Hopefully the exams I'll have at uni might be better =D I need painkillers and don't have any >.< Well the last one that was there I threw away....cus it brought memories back!! Guh. Silly Helen :pinch:

Hells - I am so glad I am past exams - I hated them and couldn't cope at all - 20 hours sounds a nightmare even if it is split up in 2 hour sessions - it sounds impossible to me - good luck to you - and think how good you will feel when it's done with. What do you want to do work wise - eventually?
Sorry about your pains - have you got a hot water bottle - that sometimes helps a bit - then curl up into a ball and chill as much as you can. Hope you feel a bit better soon.

Damn time difference:-( Zowie I hope it all went well for you sweetie. Please stay safe luv, let them help you *snuggles*

Helen, I think throwing away the pain meds was a good idea. It sucks not to have them now *massive hugs* but it was probably the right decision for you at the time.

I'm off to finish gathering my things for the weekend and then setting out. I'm not all that crazy about going home but Powwow will be fun and I do like the drive... Just me and my music for 3 1/2 hours...

Take care all

*waves to Erin and offers hugs and drinks around to everyone*

Zowie, I hope that things went alright with the crisis team today and that you were honest about how bad things are for you. I am glad that you were safe last night and that they were there with you. How are you doing?

Helen, am glad that your headache has subsided. The hot water bottle suggestion does help. Getting rid of those pain killers was for the best at the time, maybe get a small packet to help with this bout of period pain?

Ally, I hope you have a nice journey and enjoy Powwow. (What exactly is Powwow btw? lol)

How is everyone today?

I should be happy that my house is most likely coming off the market right? I'm the one who didn't want to move. I was the one who was hell bent on living here for ten years. But then I was the one who got used the idea and started getting excited (bit more than my mum tbh) and stuff. Now I just...don't know what's wrong with me. I think it's cus I've accepted it all now and I've been so angry at my dad about it...I've spoke loads and stuff. I have throughout all this still had that part that wanted to stay here. Ah well I'm glad we're staying here. I don't anyone else living in this house (other than fam obv) yet. So I'm happy I guess...

I'm back to being lightheaded from sleep deprivation. I hung out with a friend last night talking to her. I'm not sorry I did though.

Zowie, how are you doing?

Ally, have a safe trip over the mountains. Driving hung over is not good. Yes, I do know from experience. Sometime if everyone can stand a story, i'll tell y'all about it!

Helen, can you take a hot bath or better yet, a hot shower then turn the shower head to massage? My cramps hit me in my back below my waist though. Those exams sound brutal. Is that the normal thing for university where you are? Here at worst we have one final exam for every class and it only is maximum two hours, or three hours if it is a night class.

Chloe, as you said, I do too much. It is so I don't have to think though or at least as much.

I've only been up for a couple of hours and I'm already on my third diet pepsi. My vision is swimming. I need to close up the house too, the forecast is for another 100F/38C degree day.

I think I'll go close some windows and curl up next to my hubby and maybe I can doze for a bit.

Hugs to everyone!

I guess I could take a bath. I don't take them often because I like showers instead...I kinda have a small fear of baths now :| Just cus once....I tried to do something silly in it. But I much prefer showers now anyway, have before that happened. My cramps tend to hit my back if I'm at college because the amount of walking I do, but those are ok. It hits worse around just under my stomach, which is the right area I supoose :blush: The exam feels brutual. It takes it out of me. It's like last time...I couldn't stay awake some days....but had to try and do so. Even on nights I slept well, the exam made me wanna sleep. :doze: I dunno, most exams taken here are between 1 & 2 hours to my knowledge...it's just drama exams are assessed through a preformance and written paper I think. But that I could handle lol. I don't think we're allowed. I know rules are that no exam can go on longer in one day that 3 hours I think? But I think we get away with it because we break it to two sessions a day (lasting 2 hours each) and the fact there are other colleges doing this 20hr exam. Fortnately (and unfortnately) we're the last year to do this course as they're replacing this one YET again with an exciting new course....and they're involving my old school (and others...I think?) So yeah, thank gwad I'm not re-taking the exam I had in Jan, 20 hours on that too, that would kill me completly. But I can't wait cus Mon marks our last lesson (YESSSSSS!) and then after the exam (should hopefully finish on thurs/friday) and then I won't have to do IT ever again at my college anyway >.<

I'm just writing a longish post in my thread.

Helen i hope you are feeling better - i have period pains today and it sucks! So you defo have my sympathy *hugs* x

Zowie hope things are a bit better and you managed to tell the crisis team what was going on, its so hard to do but worth it so they can help you *hugs* you too hon x

I just want to curl up and sleep forever but feel so panicky and can't settle.

*snuggles Jo* Peroid pains are not needed!!!! WHY? Why do we have to have pains aswell? Obviously the fact we have to have them is not enough...

*hugs both Emmas, Jo, Zowie, Alex, Susan, Chloe, Carole, Ally, Katch, Jermery and anyone else I've forgotten*

Hi everyone - hugs to you all.
Scared of saying this but I am feeling Ok and fairly positive at the moment. I'm scared of saying it because everytime I feel better the knock down after it comes twice as hard. Also I think if I don't come on here and say Help - then people might think I don't need chatting to as I am not asking for advice - but just to clear that up I do - I really want to stay feeling like this and know that if I did I would be a lot more help to others, So if you feel like saying Hi, sending a hug or chatting I'd love it. I'm here for you all too. xxx

Hi Katch, I won't be here long, am just checking in on everyone and especially looking for an update on my 17 year old friend. I'll be checking every hour or so. But then I don't know when you like to sleep. Like Ally said, tiresome time zone difference. I'm in the same time zone that she is, Pacific.

That said, I will be checking in every so often, likely every hour, including the psych ward while I'm here. So it isn't a chat but maybe it will help. Sorry I can't do better than that. I want to finish sewing two shirts for a client, He works odd hours and hubby and I leave for holiday next Saturday so I want time to make an appointment so he can pick them up. Travel money, yay. I'll be in and out, in more in my evening, lessee, 6pm+8 hours is 2am. Snort. Sorry I can't do more.

Hello Katch, I'm happy to chat :) What have you been up to today? x

been making loads of cups of tea for the men that are helping to sort out some of my dads belongings - exciting life eh!!! how about you?

Katch, if you wanna talk you know I'm here with everybody else :) Have you taken my advice btw?

Wow....:blink: I've been away not even a day but its like....years in here...
how is everyone *huggles*

Wow, that is exciting...well, not really. Mine hasn't been much better lol. I've been tidying my room and working on an assignment for uni. Have smoothed things over with one of my flatmates, Enny, after an explosive argument a couple of weeks ago so had a long catch up too :)

Feeling fairly despondant atm tbh. I just wonder if I ever will get better or if I'm doomed to spend my life on an emotional rollercoaster :(

You'll get better Carole....it just takes time m'dear ^_^
but we are here for you all the way :D

huggles you baclk - and everyone else.

Hells - sorry I couldn't I really don't have any proof and it would just be my word - if anything else happens I will try and get the proof and then I will. I really hope I am wrong - but my intuition is usually pretty in tune and I'm worried that I'm not. (Sorry everyone else I know that doesn't mean anything to you)

You know me I love chatting - it's wierd though as it feels like I shouldn't be coz I don't want to hurt myself - I want to put part 2 of my story in soon as well - must be feeling strong...

If you want to hun...then go for it :)
If not...theres always another time :)
*hugs you*