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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Louise 18-01-2012 03:32 PM

hugs everyone

m0nk 18-01-2012 07:44 PM

you say you wanna help
you swear you'll be right there
you promise you'll understand
you assure me that you'll care

but everytime I go to you, its all just in vain
you don't know how to help me
you can't take away my pain

you're only capable of love but love's not all I need
I need you to listen, to understand, these desperate words you should heed


I don't know whats wrong with me
how its all so damn @#%$ up
how last night I tried to take a knife
and make myself a cut

Another attempted scar upon my arm, blessed be for all to see
I need you to help me because
I fear I may drown in my own weakness and misery



maybe there is something wrong with me
put on display for all to see
but that's just fine
I'll sit and slit to pass the time
strip my sleeves and show my wounds
probably then you'd sing a different tune

months and years of strife and stress
repressing things that shouldnt be repressed
and all this @#%$ time you couldn't guess

didn't have a @#%$ clue
no idea what to do
sorry to say but that killed me too

can you even begin to comprehend
some of the things I keep locked within
safe and sound away so you dont do see
every little stab of inadequecy

when you go to bed at night do you dream like I
is the ceiling your sky
at which you gaze through translucent eyes
and realize with a soul charred by lies

your life is turning into a disguise

Disgusted, mistrusted, and all that jazz
smile and it wont seem so bad
yeah right.

you dont @#%$ know my plight
you can't understand "fight or flight"
fight a battle and surely lose
or run away to continue this exhausted ruse

Elsewhere.


im like at the far bottom where i can see my soul stearing at me ordering me to start again.
its so ****ed up i wanna be active again.
and my dads not making it any easier getting on the forth ground asking a ton of question with NO ****ING CLUE WHY just cause he wants to.
he has a vision i will break easily but i do.
and it still hurts to have eyes.
my mother never calls no one contacts me. should i break the contact indefinite?
no one wants my attention anymore even though dreams and hopes are all around me. twisting me like a pepsi twist. cant forget the taste cant forget the feelings cant do what i want to do.
i even feel the marijuana necklace burned in my skin watching over me in my dreams so that i always forget the bad side of how i met aliens the first and last time.
never getting lifted never getting appreciated
my "friends" are all tifted
my feelings are all sifted
to this twisted scar its a vision we need to heal

Laura2.0 18-01-2012 08:33 PM

*hugs Mark*
*hugs monk*
*hugs Louise*

Pretty.Reckless 18-01-2012 11:04 PM

Hi guys. I just came to sit. Things are so crazyy.

Doikers 19-01-2012 01:23 AM

*Huggles my wardies*

Laura2.0 19-01-2012 05:18 PM

*hugs Pretty.Reckless* (sorry... don't know your name)
*hugs Mark* how are you today?

Doikers 19-01-2012 10:47 PM

Freaking Out about my Benfits Medical Laura , How are you Hun ? *Hugs
*

one_step_closer 20-01-2012 01:34 PM

Hi everyone. *hugs for all*

Louise 20-01-2012 07:13 PM

hugs everyone - how are you all

Laura2.0 20-01-2012 07:44 PM

*hugs Mark* oh... I hate it when there is so much worry about money.
*hugs Lindsay*
*hugs Louise*

Do you know the feeling when everything is annoying? I'm so easily annoyed lately. I get annoyed of the way the blanket was touching my back. And I get annoyed when someone in the room is talking on the phone. I get annoyed when the page of my book makes a noise when I turn the page. I hate it when I'm getting annoyed so easily, it makes me want to sh because I'm getting annoyed with how easily I'm getting annoyed.

one_step_closer 20-01-2012 07:48 PM

I know that feeling, Laura. Is there something that you enjy doing that won't annoy you? Maybe listening to music would at least drown out some of the sounds that are annoying you.

I'm in so much emotional pain. Just want to die. So sick of considering how my death would effect everyone else.

Laura2.0 20-01-2012 08:01 PM

*huggles Lindsay* do you want to talk about why you are feeling that way?

I am listening to music, and being on the computer takes enough of my fokus so I don't get annoyed of other things. It's just the fact that I 'fled' from the rest of the family, because I'm getting so annoyed. I want to be more sociable in my family if that makes sense? I don't want others to be extra cautious because I'm getting annoyed all the time, so I'm spending a lot of time alone lately. I don't want to isolate myself though... meh.

daisy* 21-01-2012 06:24 AM

Hello,
anybody around at this hour?

one_step_closer 21-01-2012 11:45 AM

Hi Daisy, sorry for the late reply. How are you?

Doikers 21-01-2012 11:59 AM

*Hugs Daisy if okay?*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Louise*

one_step_closer 21-01-2012 12:17 PM

How's Mark today?

Laura2.0 21-01-2012 06:25 PM

*hugs Daisy if ok*
*hugs Lindsay* how are you?
*hugs Mark*

one_step_closer 21-01-2012 07:24 PM

I'm not too great at the moment. How are you, Laura?

Laura2.0 21-01-2012 09:14 PM

Tired. I spent almost the whole day with my best friend and now I'm exhausted.
Is there anything going on that's making you feel bad or did it come out of nowhere?

Doikers 21-01-2012 11:10 PM

*Hugs ward*

Laura2.0 21-01-2012 11:11 PM

*good night hugs to all*

Batmansx_xTeddy 22-01-2012 01:04 AM

I haven't been here in a while sorry about that but here is an update.

The last two weeks have been horrid my eating issues got really bad and I fell into my depression again and was having suicidal thoughts [I was having to deal with a lot of drama at home and things were just bad all around]. I did end up self harming quite a bit but thankfully the last three days I have been feeling much better. My eating issues are still a problem but that is fine for now and I am just feeling much happier lately. I have a wonderful friend who helped me through and listened to me be all depressing but her just listening really helped me out. She was very supportive and I really appreciate that she was there for me. So anywho things are better and I am much more in control now also things at home have calmed down quite a bit so that defiantly helps.

End of Update

Laura2.0 22-01-2012 11:45 AM

*hugs ward*

@ Atomicx xRocket: good friends are so important. I'm glad that you are better now.

one_step_closer 22-01-2012 11:57 AM

Hey everyone.

Doikers 22-01-2012 12:20 PM

*Hugs Atomic Rocket if Okay?*

*Hugs Laura*

*hugs Lindsay*

Laura2.0 22-01-2012 12:57 PM

*hugs Lindsay*
*hugs Mark*

one_step_closer 22-01-2012 07:00 PM

How is everyone today?

Doikers 23-01-2012 01:11 PM

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Lindsay*

YodaBearInterrupted 23-01-2012 05:38 PM

Make it stop :(

*cries* I am so tired of the family drama, the work stuff. My family always leaves me alone damn it. I am like thisclose to going off. Its annoying to be caught between a rock and q hard place... made to suffer and not be able to do anything about it

Doikers 23-01-2012 10:22 PM

*Hugs Matt*

one_step_closer 24-01-2012 12:20 PM

*huge hugs for everyone*

Cazki 24-01-2012 12:50 PM

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you hun?

*Hugs Matt*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Mark* How you doing Mark?

Doikers 24-01-2012 12:59 PM

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Ian*

How is everyone?
I'm pretty low :(

Cazki 24-01-2012 01:12 PM

I'm sorry your feeling low Mark. Do you know whats causing you to feel that way? I could be better. I'm fed up. I'm having a lot of hassle with this back to work programme thing i have to attend through the jobcentre. The staff treat you crap and are horrible. They dont care. It all started because i turned up before i was meant to. I'm meant to go at 1.00pm until 3.30pm but i was there from 11.00 am until 2.00pm.

She had a go at me and asked why i was early i said i was bored and needed someone to talk to which was why i came early to see my friend who also goes there. She said i needed to go at the correct time so i do now but they still have a go at me and treat me like crap. I'v made complaints but they just make excuses and talk round it. I ended up hurting my hand last night because it gets me down being at the horrible place. I just think its far to much to be job searching for two and a half hours!

Doikers 25-01-2012 12:25 PM

Oh Ian I'm So sorry they are treating you so awfully *Huggles*

Laura2.0 25-01-2012 01:58 PM

*hugs all* how are you?

one_step_closer 25-01-2012 04:17 PM

I feel like I have to kill myself. There is no other way that I can cope with all of the pain i'm feeling. My psychologist told me that if I start planning my suicide I need to call someone but there's no one who cares or takes me seriously since I have been diagnosed with BPD.

How is everyone else?

Laura2.0 25-01-2012 07:13 PM

Could you call your psychologist? It seems like he is taking you seriously. Do you still see him/her?

I feel like cutting again. But I have been free for almost 3 months. I never thought I'd make it that long without SH.

one_step_closer 25-01-2012 07:45 PM

Do you know what's making you feel like cutting, you're really well. I believe that you can get through this.

I'm not very good at making phone calls, i'm allowed to email my psychologist but not to say that i'm suicidal.

Laura2.0 25-01-2012 08:19 PM

why aren't you allowed to say that you are suicidal?

I'm not sure what exactly is making me want to cut again. It's been on my mind a lot. I put my tools somewhere hard to reach so I don't get tempted too easily, but at the same time I started to have one with me almost all the time.

one_step_closer 25-01-2012 08:47 PM

I find that when you're trying to give something up it can be on your mind quite a bit. What have you used so far to help you through the past nearly three months? Try and build on those things.

I'm not allowed to say that i'm suicidal because she might interpret it as meaning i'm going to kill myself right now.

Louise 25-01-2012 09:32 PM

hugs everyone

Laura2.0 25-01-2012 09:34 PM

*hugs Louise* how are you?

*hugs Lindsay*
Could you tell her that you are suicidal, but not going to kill yourself right now? Or instead of telling her that you are suicidal you could tell her that you are thinking about death.

I don't know what I did. I wasn't triggered and I dunno. I 'just' didn't do it, I didn't do anything instead though. I stopped when I went inpatient August 30th, but slipped 3 times during my time at hospital. Maybe I'm thinking about it so much lately, because I'm not allowed to feel bad here at home.

Cazki 26-01-2012 01:24 AM

I'm fed up with this place i have to go to. Its awful. So stressful. Oh well i guess il just have to hurt myself again if i get stressed. They havent caused any hassle yet but its just being there so long it drags and it makes me feel worse.

Doikers 26-01-2012 12:39 PM

*Hugs Louise*

*hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Ian*

one_step_closer 26-01-2012 12:51 PM

*hugs everyone*

I very carefully worded an email to my psychologist about how I am feeling and asked how to get help but she still misinterpreted it and said that I was threatening suicide. I feel like i'm in big trouble now.

Laura2.0 26-01-2012 10:05 PM

*hugs Ian*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Louise* could you write a reply telling her that you aren't threatening suicide, but that you need help and don't know how to get it? When is your next appointment with her?

one_step_closer 26-01-2012 10:43 PM

I told her that I wasn't threatening suicide. She said i'll just have to contact the people who would have the least worst outcome. I see her again in just under 2 weeks but it doesn't even help to see her, or anyone else.

How are you today, Laura?

Laura2.0 26-01-2012 10:48 PM

what does she mean with 'people who would have the least worst outcome'?

I'm impulsive today. I like it when I'm like that. I felt like baking cookis at 7pm, so I did that.

Doikers 27-01-2012 11:45 AM

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Laura*


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