*Hugs the ward and Especially Helen*

Hey how is everybody?

Ooh Beki Hi again :) welcome back

cuddles all.
erm not sure i can do this anymore. sorry guys =[

*Hugs Jill* You can do this hun , you are stronger than you give yourself credit for .

*huggles everybody*

Well it's nearing the end of my birthday here and, to be perfectly honest, it has felt just like another day. I have to remember to send my sister her birthday wishes tomorrow but then it's all basically over for another year. We had a joint birthday breakfast this morning and my brother got called in to work (he is an ICU/emergency nurse so this happens quite a bit). Thankfully he was able to stay for some of it as I don't get to see him very often. *sigh* I know that 29 isn't all that old but I'm definitely feeling it at the moment.

Sorry for being so self-centred and the lack of individual replies but there have been quite a number of posts since I was last in here and I don't want to get you all confused.

*leaves hugs and safe love and care packages for all in the common room*

*Hugs Kahlia* Happy (Possibly belated , sorry) 29th birthday :)

*hugs everyone, especially helen* i'm sorry if you feel we've been ignoring you hun, we dont mean to, honest! is there anything you want to talk to us about?

Happy lateish birthday Kahlia. x

Mmm *thinks* I'm gonna try to do indivs but I will probably forget some of you... blah. :(

Hels... Well, all I'll say is *hugs* :)

Lia, hon, you are NOT a selfish bitch and we all would NOT like it better etc. if you were dead!!! We'd miss you a ton. Please don't "do anything stupid." You're worth more than that and someday you'll get to see that, I hope. *cuddles*

Mark, how are you this morning/afternoon? *cuddles*

Jill, Mark's right, you ARE stronger than you know. *hugs gently* You'll be okay too... just keep hanging on.

Crimson, I know you posted yesterday, but just wanted to send a shout out to you to let you know that I MISS YOU. :) Work sounds awfully busy and I hope you're getting some rest today... *gentle cuddles*

Heather, you're not ugly, not at all, and also, as Felicia said, try not to get yourself down about the NEDA Walk in NYC. I wish I could go... :( ...but can't, boo hiss. But... even if you ARE surrounded by "tiny people" (I got the funniest mental image of what that could be, all these miniature people that are about six inches tall all marching down the street with you in the middle of them, normal height!! :P but I do know what you meant), you will be able to show that even people who aren't emaciated can have EDs. Fair enough? :) *hugs gently*

Kahlia, happy birthday!! Sorry we kind of forgot about it... :( I'm sorry that it felt like "just another day" and that you feel old... *cuddles*

There. I think I got (almost?) everyone... those to whom I didn't reply, oops, I'm sorry!! Not ignoring you, promise, just missed you. :) *extra cuddles for all*

I've just gotten up about half an hour ago after a very weird set of dreams. First, I dreamt I was going into the army with an old crush of mine from high school... it was just an all-out weird dream, I wasn't acting like myself AT ALL. :-/ Then I dreamt about WoW and that my dad starting playing, but apparently a patch had just come out that changed it so you get mounts at LEVEL ONE (normally now it's level 20 that you get them) which pissed Jarrod and me off (in the dream), and also that they changed one of the race's major characteristics (which also pissed Jarrod and me off, heh). Weird. Weird, weird, weird. It's like I ate pizza right before bed or something, which I totally didn't do. :P

I'm "meh" this morning, Jarrod's off at work again and I'm trying to figure out something to do. I'm not gonna go to church because, well, it'd feel weird without him with me and I don't really know anyone else there that would sit with me... don't want to feel like a loser & sit alone. :-/ I don't want to/can't hang out with my parents because my dad's still sick. And no one else is around that I really want to hang out with or anything, which is very ugh. :( So I guess it's another day of reading and journaling. Or something. I really don't know. So ****ing lonely. :'(

That is all.

Erm this is turning into one of these days again. Great just great.

*Hugs April* You always have us to hang with :) I know it's not the same, but I hope you see us as better than nothing :).

*Hugs Jill* What's wrong honey? We're all here to listen if you want us to.

*Hugs Mark and Nicole* How are you both this afternoon?

*Hugs Heather* Gah, that energy. I'm thorsty, but making tea would require going all the way down the stairs...

Sorry about my rant last night. I hate this self hatred of mine and I'm sorry that you always get landed with my self rants. I'll try and stop that because to me it just seems as if I am throwing all your efforts to make me feel better about myself back in your faces and I'm not I do appreciate it, really I do, I just can't believe it. The way I see it, it's everyone else who's under the dillusion and I'm the only one who can see me for what I am. And my mum and sister maybe.

I shouldn't have said anything about that either. I should have kept it to myself, I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry that I once again have something to be sorry for.

*hugs lia* y'know, i'm really not sure how i'm feeling today.....i mean, i have college tomorrow, and i love college now, but at the same time i dunno, i'm just scared because i have told people at college how much i am struggling, but i'm still scared they're gonna turn on me and treat me like the teachers at school did :(
and lia sweetheart, you dont have to be sorry about anything, i think we all suffer with self hatred at some point, but you just need to beleive in yourself, we all do.x

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Jill*

*hugs mark* how're you today?

I'm feeling okay today Nicole Thanks A bit anxious but managable. I think your college people will be more understanding than your school people . I think college people can be more mature :)

Sooooo cold! I am wearing: black clothes including jeans, a cardiagan, my huge furry dressing gown, my fluffy winnie the pooh bed socks and the duvet. I also have a cup of tea and am still freezing!

glad your feeling ok mark, and ok so the students at college should be more mature than at school, but surley that rule shouldnt apply to the teachers aswell? :/ they should all be mature, no matter where they work, idk, i mean they have been really good about it so far, i'm just scared they might turn on me :/
lia-i know right, i'm freezing! i might go make myself a hot chocolate if i can be botherd to get up XD

OOhh Lia , I hope your not cooking a cold :S *Hugs*

*Hugs Nicole* You either :S

Nicole- I'm sure they won't turn on you, but I do know the feeling. I'm scared of admitting my feelings to even myself. I'm all out of hot chocolate :(

*Hugs Mark* I already have one, and it's just about -100 in my house. Gah, winter! ALthough I actually like wrapping up in about a million things, and it means Christmas is coming! :)

*hides in the warren where no one can find her and cries softly*

I.Am.So.Sick.Of.Life.

And lonely. Lia, you're right, you guys are definitely better than nothing - DEFINITELY!!! - but at the same time... not quite the same as having someone right next to me with whom I can chat. Anyone care to be teleported here?? :) We can... ummm... clean my apartment. Yeah. :P (I know, sounds like fun, right? haha...) And make pancakes for lunch (dark chocolate chips, anyone??)... and talk... and go for a stroll perhaps, down my road if we can do that without getting hit by a car. :P

Anyway. Yeah. I'm lonely. *stops whinging and hides again*

*hugs mark, april and lia*
mark-i already have a cold too!
lia-i know they shouldnt turn on me, ahwell, will find out tomorrow! and i'd better not be out of hot chocolate :/
april-aaw hun, sorry your feeling fed up, i will be teleported over :D (but i cant be botherd with cleaning, we could just teleport all the dirt away somewhere?) lol