*cuddles lia and sarah* thanks sarah *hugs* i know what you mean, the people in this ward have saved my life countless times, i love you wardies <3

Yeah same. Is lovely here. *cuddles*

*hides* secretly wishing someone loved her... understands y they dnt tho

*cuddles*
oh god. i really don't think i can handle going to college tomorrow.

LJ is it? I'm sure you're loveable, everyone is, honestly. *hugs if its okay*

*cuddles Nicole* I can't face uni right now, I just can't focus :(

*cuddles sarah* i know, it's so hard, i really wanna give up tbh, but if i gave up college i would have to get a job and would be in exactly the same position so i need to stay. i mean i have support at college but i find it hard to tell people when i'm struggling. eurgh. i suppose i have to go in tomorrow. if i have one day off i wont ever go back, so i suppose i need to keep going :(

Yeah, is best to keep going at it hun *cuddles*

*cuddles* i know it is, and same for you too with uni. idk, it's just that i hardly left the house for 8 months, then i go from that to going to college 4 days a week. i'm finding it hard to adjust.

Same really, and I can't focus at all, when I try to my head is fuzzy. Its hard. :(

Heading off for the night. Thank you wardies *cuddles all* <3

*cuddles* i know the feeling! yet somehow i'm getting through all my work :/ idk, i think it helps that i told the college about my MH issues and SH so they are supportive and help me a lot. i'm just really panicking about college tomorrow for some reason :/

*cuddles all*

Sorry not been about for a bit... Mark, 's true, you are amazing, as are you, Lia, and Sarah, and Felicia, & everyone else!!! :) <3 You ALL (yes, even the newbies!!) are wonderful!!

Ohhh and Joc, welcome back!! (I know you posted quite a few pages back but... wanted to send welcomes and cuddles your way!!) *big cuddles*

*hides in the warren to cry where no one will hear her* :'(

cuddles all.

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Nicole good luck at college today*

*Hugs Sarah* Good luck at college for you too .

*Hugs LJ*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Jill*

Well I just got up to find last nights meds still sitting in their cup waiting to be taken , Oops! , So I took them , then I took this mornings meds , I don't feel as groggy this morning and I forgot one particular med that makes me groggy last night , coincedence? hmmm. I took it this morning , I mean I took ALL my night meds as I won't be taking them again until tonight.

*cuddles all* I don't want to leave the house today, I tried, I just can't. I don't have the motivation to get dressed. :(

*Cuddles Sarah*

hugs everbody. nevermind being stuiped. curls up and hides hoping no one will find me.

*cuddles Mark* my Fiance and I had a bit of a row this morning, so my day freaking sucks. Seeing my counsellor this evening though.

*cuddles Jill* you okay hun?

I'm going to Creative Writing. I'll have to read a scene from my story, none of which are finished cause they're so damn painful to write.

Then I go to counseling. Today sucks.

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Sarah*

Sorry I have no words right now , I cut and I want to again and again. I don't like myself right now:(

Mark, sorry to hear that you're feeling so, well, poopy. :( *cuddles* Is/are your cut(s) okay? I mean, taken care of etc.? You're usually pretty careful about that but I thought I'd ask anyway. *extra big cuddles*

Sarah, sorry that you and your fiancé had a row. :( That bites. Hopefully it can be remedied?.... I don't understand people who say that they don't want to be around their "friends" or family because those people are feeling low and that brings the other people down. If you LOVE them then shouldn't you WANT to be around them, help them the best you can, etc., etc.? Or am I just weird, because I want to help people & see hope for everyone? :( I don't want to think that, because that means that this world is in an even sorrier state than I thought... *cuddles tight*

Felicia, I hope that the reading aloud of the short story goes okay. :( Was that the short story that had something to do with the skeletons in your closet, so to speak? I'm sorry, memory is like a sieve. :( I also hope that counseling goes okay. I go tomorrow... finally... after 2 weeks without, it's going to be a relief to see her again and be able to blab about stuff. I know that I NEED counseling and am lucky to have found a wonderful therapist. :-/ I just hope that, well, it goes okay for both of us. :)

Hee, I'm listening to Christmas music. ^_^ It makes me happy inside, all warm & fuzzy. :) I love Christmas, love love love LOVE IT!!! and it can't get here fast enough, although I definitely am NOT looking forward to the snow... bleh. I mean, I can't wait until the first snow, but it's a pain having to clear off my car before I go anywhere, and being careful driving around here. So many hills, which I adore, but... can be a pain since neither Jarrod nor I have 4WD. Grrrr. But I <3 snow... so pretty. I just don't like the annoyance that it brings. IF that made any sense I will be astounded. :P

I woke up feeling fine then having some GI issues... ugh. But I'm feeling better now (don't worry, no puking, and also, I don't think it's infectious, am pretty sure that it was just nerves about my upcoming job training ACKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Erm anyway, am doing okay now. Have had some ginger tea (omnomnom!!!) and some canned peaches for breakfast (weird I know but I'm being gentle with my tummy, lol). *sigh* I'm nervous still though, feel kinda like jumping out of my skin even though I've had a Klonopin. Bleeehhh. I've journaled some already today as well so I think I need to journal some more... :-/ It really helps with getting out my "blah" feelings.

*cuddles all not mentioned* I hope Hels is having an okay time at her bestie's. :)

cuddles all. erm no not really, dont really care tho, so its all good

*Hugs April* The cut is taken care of if a little sore , It will leave another little scar , fantastic :S (sarcasm)

*cuddles Felicia*

*cuddles Mark* Hope you're okay :(

*cuddles Jill*

*cuddles April* It should be easily sorted, he needs someone to talk to that isn't me about all of this, so I just hope he gets that. Its been such a hard day today. I just wish everything was okay again, so he didn't have to resent every happy couple he sees or my friends and family because I can lie to them so easily... I don't know what to do anymore :(

*Hugs Sarah just because*

Thanks Mark. I'm calming down now. *hugs*

hugs mark back.
hugs ribenalion. curls up

*hugs mark, sarah, april, nicole, lia, jill and everyone else*

I know i havent been around much.. im sorry anyway.

that's all for now. *hides away*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Laura*

I'm so triggered , sorry.

*hugs mark* here if you need to talk.

Hey Laura :) I injured cak-handedly , I'm odd today , maybe because I didn't take last nights meds until this morning , thats so unlike me to forget totally to take a dose even if it's later that same day but to totally forget is odd .

How are you Laura?

*hugs* im sorry that you injured. I bet not taking your meds could be making you feel off today... sometimes people just forget though... don't beat yourself up about forgetting, it was an accident. Hopefully, getting back on schedule with them will make you feel better.

I'm... well.. not good, but okay... i won't do anything too bad. Just very overwhelmed and feeling under appreciated at both of my work places... plus my social anxiety stuff is getting worse, always replying situations that have happened throughout the day that nobody even would normally think anything of, but of course, i work myself up into a very embarrassed state. stupid.

That's not stupid Laura , I do the exact same thing , mountain out of a molehill yep all the time . Please try and stay safe , you said "i won't do anything too bad" which sort of implies that you might do SOMETHING so please be careful , I'm a little concerned for you :S

I hate that i do the mountain out of a molehill thing. It makes things so hard, i'm sorry that you struggle with it too :-/ And don't be concerned. I just dont know if I will SI or not. Ive been having battles with myself about the decision. It won't be anything worse than usual though, and i'm always okay. Sorry, i didnt mean to worry you.

Don't be sorry Laura , I know Exactly the battle with myself over S.I. , it's tough *Hugs*

*hugs mark back* while im glad that someone can understand this.. i'm also sorry that you do. Also, i think i kind of hijacked this conversation with stuff about me when you said you were triggered, i didnt mean to... hope you arent upset about that. If you need to vent about anything I am here.

*glomps helen because i spy her*

Helen!*Spots and hugs* How was your day with your friend ?

Laura , I'm not upset with you at all , really , don't worry about it , I don't even know what to vent about I just WAS triggered and it built up all through yesterday and today it was just too much .....

It wasn't just a day Mark, I'm stopping with my bestie til next Monday remember?

*hugs you and Laura*

I'm good, not very well, AGAIN!!!! >_< Hopefully will be improved enough to get out & about tomorrow.

*glomps Laura, Hels, and Mark, 'cause I spy all of you!!* :D

*sighs*

*curls up & hides out of sight, because after all, "out of sight out of mind," right?*

OOh Of course Helen!! :) I hope you have a great time and feel better soon.

*cuddles helen* im sorry that you arent feeling well, i hope that despite that you are having a fantastic time with your bestie!

*hugs mark* ok, i just wanted to make sure you werent upset that i started on in about myself heh. And the build up of stuff can be so hard to deal with sometimes, i can definitely understand that. You can beat those urges though, as can i. Its tough but we can both do it right? :-)

*hugs april* i dont want to keep you out of sight or mind. Are you okay?

*Squishes April* You okay hun?

Yes , We can both do it Laura:)

Out of sight, doesn't always mean out of mind honey :( *cuddles tight* Don't hide. *returns glomp*

I will thanks :)

*cuddles Laura* I am having a fantastic time with the bestie. She is rather amazing after all :woot:

sorry guys feeling crapy again. trying to distract myself, got way too many thoughts running through my head. just want to do something really stuiped. how can i be mad at this person also sad at the same time. sorry heads screwed up again. curls up.

*Hugs Ya Jill*

Feeling crappy at the moment the devil keeps telling me to kill myself
trying to drown them out

*Hugs Ryuu* Thats good that you are trying to drown them out , keep going you don't have to listen to them

*Hugs the ward night night* Stay safe everyone :)

hugs mark back, goodnight stay safe.

G'night Mark, sleep well, pleasant dreams!! *cuddles* <3

I'm... okayish. Dunno, started the day out weird but I'm feeling better now. Heh. But kinda lowish at the same time, I don't know. I just want to lie down again... and yeh... I did lie down today because I was so freaking exhausted, and was also cold - we still don't have heat in the apartment. So I was in a hoodie, sweatpants, and under a sheet and a really warm blanket. Haha. I stayed warm & listened to the radio. :P Didn't really sleep but rested which is almost as good. :)

But the lowish bit... could do without... ugh. :(

*hides again after cuddling everyone some more*