One of my so called mates from up here. It's nothing, honestly, just I'm ****ing tired of it. Because of her I haven't been to sleep before about 3am for the past 2 weeks, trying to keep her safe from stupid people who she keeps lending money to.

It's like, she'll say one thing behind their backs, and then acts as if they're the best people in the world when they're around. Keeping in mind, that these are people that tried to kill her... make sense to keep hanging around with them????? Seriously??

*screams her head off*

PLEASE
MAKE
HER
LEAVE
ME
ALONE

WHY WON'T SHE GET THE ****ING MESSAGE?
STALKING ME ALMOST

*wants to cry*

I can't sleep at night because of her.

[[Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. ]]

but only if they let us help - you can only do so much - the rest is up to them.

Sorry i have to go - words are really hard for me right now - i cant do it.
hugs though and look after yourself xxx

wish i could help. hugs xxxx

Thanks, Katch. Hope you're doing ok sweetie. I've just realised tonight, that I was destroying myself in the process of trying to help her, and I've almost ****ed up 2 and a half months of not cutting several times this past week and a bit, yet tonight's been the closest I've gotten. I'm just... consumed by it. Anger at her, yet I know, deep down that I've got to let her make her own decisions.
*sigh*

*cuddles everyone*

i draw that, on paper, a lot. i think it's what a lot of us feel often. *hugs* haven't read the last few pages of posts yet so will write more in a bit

hi katch and hana :) sorry to hear you are both having bad days/times.
katch, if you want to talk about it, you know we're all right here.

alexx, im sorry that happened to you. sounds like you have great friends to help you though, please don't be afraid to talk about it to us if you need to. you're not draining hun!

helen, im sorry you are worried about this person. is there soemthing you could do to convince yourself you are safe from her?

ally, hang in there. you can get these papers done, i know you can. not much longer now sweetie and they will be done and handed in and you can rest.
i really want to see some of the stuff you've drawn!

i just spent a sessiion and a half (ie hr and half) talking about my father - something i didn;t even plan on talking about at all! i guess my psychologist knows what she's doing though cos she prompted me into it.
i dunno. there was lots of other stuff i wanted to say. i knew an hour wldnt be long enough....

I just started an "other forms of SH" thread...
don't know what in the world possessed me to do that...
it's like anyone will actually use it.
what was I thinking?

actually amanda there has been a discussion recently in forum and community (i think) about starting an OFOSH thread, so i think lots of people will use it hun :)

yeah... I was the one that started that discussion... but now the "what to post/what not post" in the SI forum mentions that we can post about other forms besides cutting/burning... so why would anyone wanna use my thread?

because its nice to feel accepted and to find people who do the same things as you, all in the same place.
give it time hun u might be surprised :)

Thanks for the encouragement
*hugs*

*nods in agreement with Chloe* She's right Amanda, it's nice to have a place you know is specifically for you. So whether or not you are allowed to do it elsewhere, having a spot... Well it feels like home, like the psych ward does to some of us (well, at least to me).

*snuggles Helen, Chloe, Katch, Amanda, Alexx, Jeremy and anyone else she missed*

Katch, what's wrong luv? Have I missed the story *looks around, confused* I suppose that can happen when you're working off next to no sleep. *snuggles* I hope things are getting better hun.

Alexx, how are you doing sweetie? Feeling any better? I really think you should talk to someone about this hun.

Helen, are we talking about your mom hun? Sounds like you're feeling pretty closed in *massive huggles*. I'm sorry, I don't have anything helpful to say.

Chloe, how's it with you hun? Doing alright? I don't recall seeing anything specific but please excuse me if I completely missed you in crisis or something :pinch: I'm working on three hours sleep and loads of coffee.

Jeremy, manage any sleep yet hun? *snuggles her sheep*

:yawn: I'm exhausted, shaky, triggered and WAY behind... And despite that I am not going to stay up all night... I can't, I'm just too tired :crying: I may ask for an extension on one of the papers... Just over the weekend... This gals been really nice about accommodating me, bends over backward... I hate to ask but I can't do this... My own damn fault I know but...

Oh. My. Goodness. Y'all won't believe this... My dad got married this weekend. He and his girlfriend (of less than a year) headed to the beach this weekend (Oregon coast, northern part) and wound up in Reno Nevada and decided to get married! For heaven sake! My reaction? I told him he'd just became a cliché :blush: I DID tell him congratulations at some point but I know I didn't show the enthusiasm he wanted and I'm the kid that he can count on that stuff from... I play family politics well... Good at faking it. But what did he want from me? Ok, I know what he wanted but come on... I am SO cutting my arm to pieces before I go to bed :pinch:

Oh yeah, Chloe, I started a thread in the Creative Corner... I think I called it 'My drawings, my feelings' and put a link to a slideshow of my drawings to date... I can't wait to draw this next one...

I have no idea tbh.

*snuggles* Nah we're not. We're talking about an ex friend of mine. :sad:

--------------------------------------------------------------

It's nearly ****ing 5am.
Can one sleep?
NO.
Is one tired?
YES.
I HAVE TO SLEEEEEEEEEP.
LET ME SLEEEP.
:crying:
I can't stop thinking about all this **** that's happened.
But I need to, cus it's triggering me so badly.
:sad:

*snuggles everyone*

*cuddles every1*

Yeah, i caught up on sleep hehe

WOOP.
dinner time so will reply later but just wanted to relish in being right :-D :hehe: :-D

lol *pounces on Chloe and gives her a hug* you're funny, I love you :-D

*hugs her super cool sheep* yay sleep!

yay! im loved! :p
how is that paper going ally? an extension would be good if u can get it.
meh, i have a massive headache, im blaming my psychologist for making me talk about my father for my whole session.....

LOL..u should of diverted ur psychologists attention to something else :P something that would benefit u

Hehe..wat u having for dinner there chloe? *cuddles u*

i had lamb korma. or, thats what the label said anyway. it was average.
i should have but it was kinda hard to get out of a big discussion. oh well.

ally what's your scarlet letter?

Mmm, lamb... I think we have some in the freezer *thinks longingly of real food*

:eyeroll: Psychs and their preoccupation with parents... I for one am thinking of NOT telling mine my dad ran off to Reno and got married like some hormone crazed idiot *shrug* save myself some trouble. Hope your headache gets better there Chloe dear.

Ah, and my scarlet letter. A big ol' red 'D' for 'depressive'. lol kind of funny, I was reading in my psych 101 book many moons ago and they used the word 'depressive'... And I got insulted! lol This was when only I knew I had been depressed for ages, no one else knew (with the possible exception of a friend or two). Anyway I immediately thought of The Scarlet Letter... Thankfully psychology is moving away from defining a person by their disorder (such as 'depressive', 'schizophrenic', 'bipolar', etc) toward a 'person first' mind set (a person WITH depression, not a depressive, or a person WITH schizophrenia, not a schizophrenic). lol and there's my long drawn out answer :-D hmmm, must be lack of sleep lol :yawn:

*retreats to her corner, curls up and hopes sleep comes soon*

Oh and the paper. Well I've got my reference page finished with the exception of two sources... I can site journal articles in APA format in my sleep but books... That's another story... Waiting till I can look it up online. And I've got 1/2 of a page written... Means I need another 9 1/2 pages at least lol. But the half page isn't even my full introduction, just all I could manage with the way my poor brain is working atm. Tomorrows goal? Finish this paper, get a good start on my paper for my History and Systems class, study for my Friday exams and train my damn virtual rat for my Learning and behaviour class... :yawn:

Night all, take care.

*pounces on people and gives them hugs*

I feel awfulllll :P

Morning everyone. Just checking in to let you know I'm still here.
After the assessment, they gave me some olanzapine (sp?) and sent me to bed. I have an appointment with my psych tomorrow.
Hope everyone's okay (didn't have time to read the latest posts). Take care of yourselves xxx

Sorry I haven't been around much. Too busy sight seeing and helping a friend.

*cuddles every one.*
*hands out s'mores pop tarts and diet pepsi*

I actually managed to walk around downtown Santa Fe yesterday! This is great for me! I warned my jumpy hare of a husband that not only was I a tortoise, I was a tortoise with asthma. So we strolled around the central square, peering into shop windows. When I started to wheeze or have a bit of trouble breathing, I just tugged on my husband's arm.

The only thing I couldn't live without is a beaded head band, hand made some where in central or south America.

Isn't sleep depravation a normal condition? It is for me.

*cuddles all around*

*cuddles everybody*

Seriously ally can you not get an extension on medical grounds or something? Good luck with the paper anyway x

Zowie how are you now? did the meds help? hope the psych helps you

Susan i am glad you are feeling a bit better *hugs* sleep deprivation is normal for me too, sounds like you are having fun anyway though?

*goes to hide in corner under a blanket*

tried to explain what happened yesterday in my thread 'can't be here for a while'. basically i lost it... sorry and thank you for trying to help.

*Hugs Katch* Hope you're alright hun.

The meds are helping a little. Beth doesn't seem so strong at the moment, so I'm feeling a bit stronger.
xx

*snuggles everyone*

Glad to her it Blondie-Mom :-) Hope you had a good time in Santa Fe *hums 'Santa Fe' from the most amazing Disney movie ever, 'Newsies'*

Katch, am going to try and read up on your thread... assuming I don't pass out from exhaustion or jump off the psychology building out of pure despiration. Hope you're feeling a bit better ther, my lovely RYL Auntie.

Zowie, good luck hun, hope the meds helped.

Jo... extension... I am pretty sure I could get one from the one instructor (she's been really nice, bent over backward for me... this is my third attempt at her course as I withdrew the first two) but I feel bad asking:crying: As for the other two... Well, I've known about them most of the term so really it's my fault... Good lord, I'm such an idiot :crying:

*snuggles everyone again and then retreats to her corner, surrounded by her course work*

Love you all, stay safe please

*snuggles Zowie* well thank God for that at least hun

Ally i'd ask her anyway, sounds like you could do with a bit more time then you could just focus on the other 2? Its not your fault you're struggling x

*hugs katch*

Zowie i so glad the meds are working, keep going hon you are so strong and doing so well x

Keep going Zowie hun.

How are you doing Jo?

Ally, hope the papers are okay.

Susan, sounds like a wonderful time

Everyone else okay?

Me? I want to brek down in tears. :'(

Glad your meds are working Zowie and hope you continue to feel better *hugs*

How are you doing Jo? Noticed you replying to everyone else but not seen about you, unless I missed it. Will go check your thread in a sec *hugs*

Katch, sweetie, take it easy yeah? I've replied to your thread but take care ok? *leaves more cuddles*

Well done BlondieBear! Glad you seem to be enjoying yourself xx

Lol, sorry Ally I know I shouldn't laugh but that thing about your Dad did. Hows the essay going? I'll trade you? Impact WWI had on mental illness with particular focus on shell shock and also Freud and the development of psychoanalysis? Sounds like you have got tons and tons of work though. I agree with Jo you should ask for an extension although I can understand why you don't want to. Either way take care of yourself yeah?

How you doing now Chloe? Sleeping well?

*pokes Jeremy and leaves hugs*

hey Helen!! (not ignoring you by leaving you till last, just easier since yours is the last post on the board). Why do you want to break down in tears? It's ok to cry *passes you a tissue* but I don't want you to be upset :(

*scatters more hugs and fairy dust*

aww Helen I'm sorry to hear you feel like that
*hugs*

Emmmmmmmm! Hehe you nut. Ah I wrote a long horrible post in my thread about why I want to cry. :crying: *has tissue* Hug too?

*hugs* I don't think anyone really cares anymore....not like they used to. :blush: Or am I being stuipd yet again?

*hugs Helen* of course x *goes to read thread*

lol actually Emma, part of the reason I put that about my dad up was to give someone a laugh.

*snuggles everyone*

How stupid am I? TOTALLY missed a lecture as I was working on my paper due today... And didn't even notice! *bangs head against the wall*

Thanks sweetie.

Ally, oh dear, bless you hun!!

anyone wanna write 400 words for me on what treatments were used between 1918 and 1939 for treatment of mental illness and whether they were used because of experiences of WWI? No? No takers? Damnit.

Your essay sounds proper sucky Emma *snuggles*

Ugh, that essay sounds nasty Emma.
I've got loads of revision to do in two weeks, I'm going to fail so bad.

*hides under several blankets and cries badly*

LOL. emma dear, how you amuse me :hehe:
um, no! but that's ok, last day of lectures today and then i get weekend + 4 days of study leave and 1st final on friday! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. how are you?



ally gets a virtual rat? i want a virtual rat!! we had to go observe real ones pressing a lever....yay, how exciting that was.......
it does kinda amuse me about your dad just cos of the whole randomness of it. you can't be expected to be the supportive one all the time hun. it's ok to not be impressed.

how are we all today? i am off to read your thread katch as soon as ive checked my washing.

i think im in a slightly crazy mood today :hehe: :-D :-p

*snuggles Helen, Emma, Alexx, Hana, Jo, Chloe, Jeremy, and anyone else she missed*

Sorry all, just a quick stop to say love you all and am thinking about you. I am finished with one paper, two more to go and my virtual rat (Chloe, my roommate likes it too because I sit there and yell at the rat 'Sniffy (their name for it, I am more creative) just press the lever' and when it comes time for extinction 'Sniffy, stay away from that lever, no, don't you dare!'

*curls up in her corner for a very brief nap... like close my eyes and then get up again*

*comes out*

Oh Allllly :D

*snuggles*

*resumes hiding*

haha, my real rat was no good at extinction, she pressed the lever something like 1200 times in 16 minutes of a VR16 and EXT alternating schedule of one minute each.
it was INSANE.
all for a bit of condensed milk

v...irtual rats?
lever?
extinction and condensed milk?

I understand the words.
It's just not going in

um...whats extinction?

Chloe, glad I make someone laugh :P Please take care of yourself there and enjoy your long weekend!!! xxxx

Ally...that thing sounds damn weird, is it like a robot rat? Good luck on your other work xx

*throws a cuddly toy at Helen* replied to your thread sweetie xxx

-------------

I HAVE FINISHED MY ESSSAAAAYYYY!!!! YYYYAAAAYYY!!! :) <----- that is a genuine smile for once too because I have no more essays now until October I don't think.