Sorry:crying:

I am trying my damm hardest not to OD :(

I'm having trouble keeping track of everything, too much on my mind and not yet enough diet pepsi. Whadda ya want, it's not quite 6am. I'm just opening my diet pepsi.

*hugs everyone one by one to make sure they have the tender loving care that they need*

*checks time to see how much longer for call forwarding*

I had a suicide call at 2:am. To alcholics anonymous. Fortunately our notebook of paperwork includes the number to a suicide help line!

*cuddles everyone else*

*hugs everyone who wants one*
Two and a half hours till I leave for my holiday. Saw the woman from EIP today, who managed to freak me out and make me think I'm going to have a crisis while I'm away.

*hugs zowie*

I'm off to shower, take care of our animals, all two of them, and then go set up an alcoholics anonymous meeting. All good stuff. I could use about four hours more sleep.

*hugs everyone*

**** this is scary, I think the sky is about to fall, its getting louder, I can hear screaming, so loud, so so loud, maybe this is it, this is where it all ends.

*snuggles Hells, Jess and Jeremy* From your posts I gather that you all feel like giving in right now, but please don't, I'm enjoying the company in here and getting brave to snuggle people again. Please hang on and stay safe.
*snuggles susan* I hope that you are doing ok, i'm sorry to hear the sad news about your friend
*snuggles claire* Hi, I've not met you before, I'm new and this was my first port of call, glad you've checked yourself in when you need to, I hope things improve for you soon.
*snuggles Kuwairo* thanks for replying about itchy stuff, yeah moisturiser helped. i normally grin and bear it to during the day, but this latest slip not healing too well and didn't want to scratch during my sleep and get blood on the sheets. Not really spoken to you before, but you seem to be very caring and knowledgeable, so please pop in and say hello again if you're ok and checking out. If you're staying, i hope at some point I can return the support to you when you need it.

I'm doing ok I guess today, keeping myself distracted by random things online and going round friends later to drink some wine. I will discover later if thats a good idea or not.....

*hugs claire and offers her a hard hat*

I'm off to my meeting by way of a drive through place to get an egg sandwich.

Take care everyone.

what do they say to you on suicide helplines?

don't do it.... i dunno.

susan.... you can get an egg sandwhich througha drive through? I am so living in the wrong country...

I am all better now. Yep. So great. Things are abso****ingbeautiful.

Yep, scrambled egg cooked in a little mold thingy on the grill, bacon or sausage, some kind of scone or croissant, wrap it in paper, would you like something to drink with that? Get them at Macdonalds, burger king, same places that do burgers, only they also do breakfast from when they open at 6am till 10:30 am when they do all burgers.

Friend is better for now. Yay!

*hugs jess*

oh, tha't snot a sandwhich... tha't s a burger! they have those here... :P I rthought you meant like a proper sandwhich :P

*cuddles*

now the too much caffeine is wearing off. and i'm starting to get sniffy, means i'm starting to cry inside.

Tonight is the birthday for the gent that i wish could be my daddy-friend. I don't know what to say in his card except the obvious. Plus my hands are shaking from the caffeine and my handwriting is legable, barely, at best.

Sigh. It has been such a long confusing week. so now i'm sobbing again, no tears of course.

I want someone to hug me and tell me that it will be okay. But it is my job to make it okay for me and for everyone else. I still want about a half hour hug from him. at best it will be half a minute. And that is if the residen't barbie doll does.....oh never mind, not nice. so not nice.

*snivels and weeps*

And I don't want to wear my shawl to the meeting tonight, don't want to put a sad note.

I hope it starts healing a bit better...
I'm not knowledgeable, not really...but I'm definitely checked in. Need the help right now I'm afraid. I have a free house/weekend coming up and lots of dangerous ideas for what to do with it.

*hugs hayley & susan*

I'm no good atm and I'm sorry. No supporting, nothing to give, just a mess.

But I love you all

*curls up in her corner and cries*

AND I forgot to put my gloves back on between work shifts so I am sitting in the common area in student union building on campus with my cuts, scars, and bandaids showing :crying: How could I be so stupid?

It's not your fault Ally and you aren't stupid. Love you xx

Ok, I try, I visit my grandmother, I care, I go to church, I have a job. I TRY so why the **** do things keep going wrong??? The more I try, the more things **** up. I hate this. I hate not having the courage to end this and I HATE feeling so ****ing agitated. They wonder why I don't like taking meds?? This is ****ing why. **** you world.

8hgus everyoen*

am fine.

*does a cautious happy dance*

As of 5pm California Time, I have 6 months no SI.

I'm having a great conversation with my friend. No matter what happens tomorrow, i will cherish this time i've had with her today.

*hugs everyone*

Congrats on 6 months free Blondie!!!!
*hugs*