*waves* Hi Beth! I'm Crimson! Welcome :)

*hugs Oliver, Heather, Mark*
Any better now Mark?

Better thx crimson , not perfect but here I am

*Hugs Oliver*
*Hugs Crimson*
*Hugs Heather*
*Hugs Mark* <3

*hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Mark*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Heather*

*hugs you all*

what a day its been. had GP appt this morning, which was okish, told her that my suicide plan is in less than 2 weeks and she said it may be a good idea to admit me to hospital during that period.
then saw my mate off on the train to the airport as he is off to Italy, was sad that is the last time I will see him.
then had psych appt, she was bloody 35 mins late which seriously made me very anxious, but I forgot how lovely she is and we spoke for over an hour and a half. she wanted to put me in hospital tonight, but I persuaded her not too as I'm now at home with my parents, but she said she will probably want me to go into hospital at some point in the next few weeks, as I was honest and told her the exact date of my suicide plan. she also gave me some new meds for anxiety, which I had to wait 30mins for and resulted in me nearly missing my train, so I had to run from the hospital to the station. then I fell asleep on the train and missed my stop, but got a lovely surprise, cos I thought it was just my mum and sister coming to pick me up, but my 2 best friends from when I used to live at home came too and they had made me a french horn birthday cake (my birthday was in May!!)
I'm now sat here crying cos I realise like my psych said today that this is a goodbye trip aswell, I'll never see my mum or sister again after this weekend.

*curls up* sorry being a bad wardie

*Hugs Felicia* <3

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Ian*

*HUGE Hugs Oliver* You're not a bad wardie mate . I may be little help but you know my PM box is open :)

*hugs Mark* thank you

*finds Puppy Sinclair and feeds him then walks in the garden*

*Good Morning Everyone*

*hugs Mark* afternoon how are you?

*bounces in* Hi everyone! I missed you all last week.

*offers hugs all around and waves hello to the new people*

*hugs Laura* how are you?

*hugs ward*
I'm back at uni. I feel lonely and scared. wtf. this isn't even my first year.

*hugs Felicia*

*curls up crying* can't do this anymore, only another week and a half to wait then I'll be free

Hi everyone.

Hi Tifflehan *waves* how are you?

Tired but cant sleep. You?

depressed and miserable. sorry you can't sleep, that really sucks

why you so down?

sucidal and this weekend is the last time I'll see my mum and sister before I go through with my suicide plan.
do you know why you can't sleep?

I get like this occasionally. Why the plan?

hehe. =] like teddy. mineminemine

*holds felicia* shh, its ok to be scared sweetheart <3

*comes in and hides under bed*

sorry I wasn't on for so long.

*Hugs Laura* Did you have a good time in Blighty?

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Felicia* <3

*Hugs Tiff*

*Hugs Heather* I don't think your teddy is big enough :P

*Hugs Laura*

*hugs Mark* how are you?

*hugs Laura*

*hugs Heather* cute teddy :)

Last day with my mum and sister today :( sorry *curls up and hides*

7 weeks free today.............I SO want to **** up but I don't but I do ........ ACK!

*comes out of hiding place to hug Mark* 7 weeks is amazing :) you can keep going, I believe in you.

*cursl up again* got really bad urges to OD. I can when I get home tonight

Please dont OD Oliver , is there anyone that you can call and talk about this with like a crisis line or something ?

I could call the samaritans, but I really want to just OD. just have to get this train journey out of the way then I can.
sorry *hides*

*Hugs Oliver* Thanks :)

*Waves to Ella* How are you ?

* waves at everyone * Am good ...waiting for my husband to get back from the shop with my monster.

Oliver i think you should call the Samaritans please try and seek help you need and deserve

*waves to Ella* I'll try to, just don't like talking on the phone or calling people for help.

I understand, i dont like talking on the phone myself and seeking help.
Keep talking here and try and keep distracted.

I'll be here for another 15 mins but then I'm off cos I've got to get the train back to Manchester, so I won't be back on here until this evening, around 7.30, but I'll try to come back on instead of ODing

Please take care of yourself and ill see you when you come online again

*hugs oliver* Please look after yourself, and please try to come on line and talk to us instead of OD'ing though I know it easier said than done.

*hugs Ella*

*Hugs Louise* How are you hun?

I went to my non-excistant accuupuncture session , was just leaving after grabbing some water and heard a voice calling me and it was Sharron my worker who is on Maturnity leave calling me , so we walked and talked a bit , I'm just happy to have caught her and her infant son Willem , she is like my big sister , I haven't seen up until today this year , YEY :D

blates teddy isnt big enuff >.>
*cuddles everyone*

*curls up alone*

*Squashes Laura* How is it to be home?

*hugs Louise, Mark, Heather and Laura* *waves at Ella*

I'm home now, still want to OD, but trying to keep myself distracted. I had an awful moment earlier, my teddy had fallen out of my bag on the way back from the station so I had to go back and look for him, found him on the edge of the road poor thing, but I found him which is good, have had him since birth

Am so glad you got your teddy back ...Sorry you are still feeling the same with wanting to OD.
We can talk here instead of you doing that ....i have to go for a bath in half an hour but ill be back on at lest until 11pm.

My husband has a bunny thats he has had since birth he keeps it in our bed and never sleeps with out him.
What color is your teddy ?
have you named him ?

Thanks Ella. My teddy is a light brown colour and he is called William.

how are you doing?

Am doing ok .
Listening to some music and waiting for the hot water for my bath.
Am all aches and pains because i walked a lot today doing shopping and getting a game for my husband
so i bath will be great for my legs and back.

was the train busy ?
what are you up to at the moment?

I want some monster but my husband said ill be up all night if i drink that now.
I think he is right lol

yeah baths are good for that sort of thing.

yeah the train was pretty busy, but I took a dizepam to calm myself down and just watched a comedy show.
I'm just on facebook and watching more comedy at the moment.

hehe I think your husband may be right, monster at this time is a little silly :P

OOOOHHHHHHHHHHH Oliver , Isn't Diaz wonderful?Here for you

*Waves at Ella*

*hugs Mark* yeah it is pretty good. I would have literally not coped on the train without it

back from my bath my legs and back arent hurting as much now.
Feel a little triggered feel like cutting
:(