I'm just feeling so low at the moment, i told the duty officer at my CMHT and she told me that harming or Su would hurt my family and i didnt want to do that did i? Of course i dont want to hurt my family but i really want to hurt me and i dont know what to do. Oh my head is all over the place. Sorry.

hugs shadowedseraph

thanks cheryl *hugs cheryl*

I'm too hot.
TOO HOT.

Yes Arwen, yes you are ;)

HEY.. hi everything is ok. i cancelled my first councellor meeting because the worry was throwing my mind into a bad solution, they made me an apptmnt and i can not go.. i have other commitments that i can not break... plus im terrified.

Thanks everyone in Virtual Psych I want to say a huge thank you for all the love and support you have show me.

After today I will be leaving RYL < packs bag >

I wish you all lots of love and luck
Take care of yourselves
Love Jade xxx

u certainly find out who your real friends are when you need one don't u :( i am all alone sits in corner and cries

You're so right :

one time i ask for help from someone and they r 2 busy with their bf. shows that people really care if im here or not :(

I'm so sorry cheryl
Just remember we are always here for you and that we care.

i feel so alone. it wud be so easy right now too easy :( cant do this hides under the table

im worried about tommorrow.. i get the day off.. i told tom i couldnt see him.. when i can... im in a little bother, im going to try and go to sleep earlie tonight to ease off any moods that could add to tommorrow.

*offers hugs to all* ~ sorry it's not more

*hugs shadowedseraph* Don't be sorry honey.

*hugs cheryl* Some people really aren't worth botherin with, we care though honey.

*splashes water over zowie* it's meant to go soon, make the most of it!

*hugs Lucy* It's hard to move on from that honey and Im sorry you have to see them so regularly, could you not cal Tom and say your plans have changed and see if he's free?

*hugs Jade* Good luck lovely.

*hugs Kahlia* hows you arm?

Secrets is not a well secrets this morning though doesn't understand why. However last exam *dances*

Why thank you Katie :)

*Hugs Lucy* I really think it would be a good idea to go to this appointment, I know it's scary but it could really help.

Jade :( Don't go, I'll miss you! *big hugs*

*Hugs Cheryl* Like Secrets said, some people just aren't worth bothering with.

Hello Amanda *waves* Haven't seen you in a while. How you doing?

*hugs Kahlia back*

Good luck with the final exam Secrets! Hoping you feel better later *hugs*


----------

I'm going to McDonalds today. I really shouldn't, but I really fancy it :P
I was terribly hungover yesterday, and the intense heat really didn't help. Feeling okay today though as I didn't drink last night and had a long lie in this morning.
I'm hoping for a meds review soon so I can come off the anti psychotic. Starting to feel like I can do without it, and I'm sick of the side effects.

*Leaves hugs and ice creams for everyone*

xxx

Helloooo

*Offers hugs to everyone*

I'm on home leave at the moment and should be discharged from the psych ward by the end of this week. I've been there a month now and I've taken what I can from being there. Not improved mentally at all but my therapy will start soon so fingers crossed that'll help.

Anyway just thought I'd pop back in and nestle myself into a corner and say hello xxx

i found that too bout it not helping much but they managed to get more things in place therapy wise how you feeling bout being discharged xx

Hello HannahBanana. Good to see you :) I found that hospital didn't really help my mental wellbeing but at least it did keep me safe and gave me support while I was in there. Hope you feel better soon, and that the therapy helps. xx

Secrets.
Zowie

Hi. It was to late for me, and i have been in delay mod for a month now, and knew it was a matter of time, i phoned the local nurse about two weeks ago, because she had knowing a little of what happens to me, she is the only one who know's in my world, i have not discussed with any one eles, her name is jackie, i phoned her two weeks ago, and she knew i was already doing everthing i could to bring my self forward.. and would not except any outside help. she came into our house to see my mum recently over a month ago, on the way out she assked me how i was and i was doing well, everything i worked on was working for me, i was using swimming as a control, and was swimming twice a week, within an adult advanced group,but things began to change, my mum became sicker and i dropped out, i take care of her 24/7, i get tuesdays off 10.30am - 4pm. i havnt been going to the swim cus there was my ex's sister within the group and was ignoring me in front of everyone and i felt humilated so i dropped out. the other pool i used to go to is too far, it takes me 2 hours to get there for a half hour swim. jackie said she had a number should i ever have problems again, for me to phone her and ask her, she asked me that day how i was, and even though i had brought my self forward, i could not speak, cus everytime i did, my body started to tremble, and i had to hold back the tears, my lip was shaking so i had to look the other way when i went to speak, she gave me a number i rang and got an apptment with a community nurse called sharon, but it went wrong and she never showed up, so after that i was lost, then sharon made me an appointment, but it is in a clinic were there is a pys dr and im afraid that they are fooling me thinkn its sharon im seeing when it's the dr. i tuned out earlier and my leg.. i havnt seen how much damage i have done , but i knew that it was a matter of time.

Triggered

*offers hugs round*

*hugs Lucy* I love swimming, such a sense of achievement when you push yourself hard, sorry you can't find an outlet. You have to look after yourself as well as your mum though.

*hugs Arwen* ooh ice-cream yummy, hope you had a good day. You're allowed a macdonalds once in a while :)

*hugs Cheryl*

*hugs HannahBanana* welcome back, I hope the therapy works for you and that you are enjoying home leave

*hugs Secrets* yay for the last exam, why aren't you feeling well? hope you feel better tomorrow

*hugs Kahlia* how's the wrist doing? how are you?

*hugs Amanda* I hope you are okay

*hugs Helen**hugs ShadowedSeraph**hugs Rockaroni* how are you all doing?

that's it from me tonight, am just tired and fed up, I so want to enjoy life but it wont bloomin let me.

its pretty bad.. it hasnt stopped.. i thought it stopped.

*hugs all*

My wrist is as itchy as hell. Looks like they are planning surgery on my shoulder the day before my next fracture clinic review. Aaaaggghhh. It's all happening at once.

Sorry I can't type more but my cast keeps getting in the way.

*hugs wildly insane* thanks for the hug dear one

what hasn't stopped lucy?

*hugs kahlia and signs cast*

*wanders in*

Ummm....I think I need to be here for a bit. I am anxious about everything right now...real things and not real things.. I'm to scared to talk to anyone in real life about this, so here I am..
*rocks back and forth in a corner*

Bleh.

I can't be arsed to cut. I can't be arsed to OD. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to talk, on or offline. So sod it. I'm just gonna let things build up, I don't care

everyone thinks im doing better "theres a light at the end of the tunnel" so why arent i feeling it

still triggered bleugh!

*hugs Cheryl* maybe it's around the next corner, just concentrate on each day as it comes

*hugs Todlich* we're here if you do want to vent, take care hun

*hugs rusynchick* if you want to chat about it here, we're here to listen

*hugs Kahlia* good luck with it all

*hugs Lucy* hope things are better today

*hugs Amanda* anytime :)

Mental health assessment tomorrow, should be a barrel of laughs >.<

*hugs all*

Sorry I neglected you all, I've returned home to try to improve things and get some kind of pattern with food. Still feel unwell but have managed to remain concious today.

*hugs to all* I shall reply individually when my mother goes out.

*leaves chocolate yumyums*

I dreamt I cut last night O_o. Quite deeply too. I just had to check my arm to see if it was real or not

My little sister wont stop shouting and being childish, and my dad's not doing a very good job at controlling her.

*hides in the corner*

my leg is kinda damaged, it happened yesterday afternoon, i was in delay for about a month, and yesterday when i was on my own, i tuned out, and now its a mess, i havnt seen the damage because i covered it and left, i took, my nephue to the beach and carried on with my day as if nothing happened, i am afraid to look at it, in case i feel like there should be more, all i know is its a mess, the nurse called into say that i wont get an appointment until around two weeks, i didnt tell her about yesterday, as i am finding it hard to take it in myself, now to day, i look at yesterday, with disbelife, and im not feeling ashamed, cus no one knows, iam not sorry, because now i wont be waking up in the morning, feeling like i have been for the month that has past. i dont feel glad about it either, i dont know what i really feel, all i do know is, that i never thought i would be feeling like i had to do this, because last time, it turned to a stress and i was glad, cus i belived i was ok, more like cured or something.. but no .. im back to square one feeling my aim now is to prevent it from yet again, happening.. my day was normal, i was able to carry out all that was expected of me in this day.

*curls up in a ball*

I feel so low. I really do. Have my mental health assessment tomorrow, am dreading it to be quite honest.

gud luk or 2moz mammia mia. it will be ok hugs

lucy may hugs ur not back to sqaure one. its just a lil slip up but u can keep going well done for gtoing the month.
-------------------
its a matter of time. its when not if. ts 2 hard to keep fighting im desperate. wish someone cud take it all away

Thank you :(

The random hallucinations are back. I havent had them in so long, I thought it was over- why can't it be over? I was out and about the other day and saw some stuff. It wasent there- I knew that but it freaked me out anyway. AND I couldent say anything 'cause if I did they will try to send me to the psych again-and I wont go I tell you-I wont! I'm just scared again...I hate it.

*hugs**hugs**hugs**hugs*

still triggered, still a waste of space

*hugs wildlyinsane gently.* you are deffently not a waste of space, you have help me and whole load of other. you are a really kind and careing person, there is no way in hell your a waste of space. big bear hugs.x

Hannah, you are NOT a waste of space!!!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH mental health assessment in 14 minutes :'(

*hugs all*
Hannah, as Helen and shadowed soul said, you are definitely not a waste of space. *hugs you*

Good luck with your mental health assessment Helen.

*leaves lots of hugs*

is Puppy Sinclair still around?

Yay we have results at last, only took me two ****ing years nearly to get it but hey ho *rolls eyes* Being referred to CBT :)

Ravyn, I want to pet puppy sinclaire too :)

I'm glad you're getting CBT Helen, did they give you a diagnosis?

I'm hungover and pretty sure I'm still drunk.

Did they ****? Just was blabbering on how I don't have mental illness (since when did I say to them I had???) but had elements of depression and how I need to unlearn my behaviours (self harming/overdosing) and stuff.

Hi everyone.. just a quick note.. am having my last day at uni tomorrow then I'm free (almost). Should pop in more after tomorrow =] Haven't felt the best lately though so sorry for neglecting you =[ *huggles all*

so my exams are over i have finished the first year at uni so y arent i feeling better

Aw well done on finishing your first year.. don't worry... I kinda feel the same.. I actually feel like dropping out.. hmm. *hugs*

@__@ Feeling triggered and spacey. Want to give in to both

same meeting with my cpn and my OT 2morrow to sort out a plan to get me sorted hopefully find more bout the dbt assessment when it is etc. i feel like they r wasting there time.