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i'm in my bedroom, but fragile
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Kahlia, yes it is 5 months. *cuddles*
Oliver, thank you. Everyone else, keep hanging in there. I can't stop crying & the people I'm crying over, are so not worth this...It ****ing hurts. |
*cuddles everyone*
I'm so fed up with this. The following content has been hidden - Reason : girly stuff
I'm so sick of life. I really am. So damn over it all. :'( Sorry no individuals tonight. :( |
Oh, & I wanted to say congrats to both Kahlia & Hels for making it so far in SI recovery!!! Awesome, both of you. *claps & cuddles*
*hides in a hole for awhile and cries softly* |
*joins and cuddles April*
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*cuddles April and Hels*
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*cuddles Oliver & Hels* Sorry for the rant... :(
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rant away April, sorry I havn't read it though, cos of what you hid it for, but *cuddles*
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*cuddles you both*
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yeah sarah and love hugs..sadie is another story tho lol
sarah says thank you. so worried about tomorrows eval. with drs. took a xanax so things seem pretty quiet/calm right now. hopefully can sleep some tonight. lots of worries and anxieties over tomorrow but right now the xanax seems to be supressing it some. Sadie did very good tonight. she got urges to SH cause panic and all was too much earlier but she didnt...think she knows if she did that it would def result with us staying in hospital . which we dont want. im proud of her. lol she is making gag sounds at me for saying that hehe Hiding |
*hugs hiding(if ok)*
I'm glad Sarah didnt SH, you should be proud of her. I hope your appt with the dr goes well tomorrow, anxiety is horrible. Also dont think I have properly said hi yet, I apologise if i had, I'm Oliver. |
hi oliver..
it isnt sarah that SIs its Sadie.. too many S names ..its ok lol thanks for the hug and support and understanding *hugs back* Hiding |
*hugs Hiding*
I'm sorry I got the wrong name, I'm glad Sadie didn't SH then, sorry again. |
Wow, we've been really quiet overnight, last post was nearly 7 hours ago. Hope everyone is okay as can be, I know we're/most are struggling.
*cuddles all if okay* |
*huggles/waves at everybody*
Very cold right now. Anxiety through the roof. Getting frustrated easily too. Meh. So.damn.over.it.all. Sorry for the lack of individual replies. *leaves hugs and safe love and care packages for all on the table* |
*Hugs Everyone*
I'm tired , struggled to get out of bed ugh :( I have to meet my Psych Dr on Thursday at 2pm , My SW will be there and will have either told him about my Sui plan or will want me to tell him :( , I'm so worried and anxious :S In the morning my Nurse is taking me to a befriending place for people with severe mental health issues , not sure I qualify but hey, Thats making me anxious too , My nurse thinks I need to get out more and get more friends , I don't have many IRL , sorry . |
*cuddles all*
Mark, love, what are you apologizing for? There's no need to be sorry. *gentle cuddles* I hope that you do make new friends there - I don't have many IRL either. Depends on what they say is "severe mental illness." Hmmm. Well, I do hope that it goes well though - keep us updated, 'kay? oh, and when is it that you're going? is it today? Kahlia, I hope that things look up for you soon. :( Am sorry that you're still struggling so much... is there anything I/we can do to help?? :( I feel so helpless... for all of you... *gentle cuddles* Hels, how are you, sweet? did you sleep okay last night after we chatted? Hope so. I know I sure did, despite dreams, hah. I didn't even wake up when Jarrod got up for work. O.o And I always used to. Guess that's an improvement, lol, one which lets me sleep for about an hour longer than he does in the mornings. :P *cuddles* I'm still exhausted, though. And a friend of mine convinced me to apply for a job today - as a dog trainer at a local pet store (chain). I doubt I'll get in/be good enough, if they even still have the ad up. >_< Stupid me if they don't. Anyway, I do have experience, used to do a lot of dog training and shows through 4-H... so yeah. But as that was years ago, I don't know if it will still qualify as "experience." :-S I was only 10-15 at the time... hah. :-X So Jarrod went back to work today... guhhh... gonna have to figure out what to do here without him. It's going to be difficult, unless I do get that job. Then I'll be busy as all get out!! :P And I will also feel a little more useful, bringing in extra cash & all of that. :) So that would be nice. I know it's not really using my college degree - heck, you don't even need a high school diploma to do this job - but oh well. Hah. As I said, though, I doubt I'll get it. *hides in a deep deep hole* :( |
April , The befriending Appointment is on Thursday Morning and the Psych Dr appointment is on Thursday Afternoon , I'm just getting anxious in advance heh ,still I'm STILL numb so the anxiety is copeable with for now , not ideal situation though :S
Good luck with getting the dog training job !! *Hugs* oh and whats 4-H? |
Ah okay, that makes sense now. :) Well, best of luck at both!!! *cuddles*
4-H is a group for boys & girls ages 8-18 that does a variety of different "stuff" ... like dog obedience, goat/sheep/rabbit/dog/horse/cow shows, sewing, spinning, knitting, basket-weaving, entomology (study of insects - loved that one!! I still have 2 old insect collections hanging in my parents' house), orienteering (finding your way through an area with the use of a compass, etc.), forestry, etc., etc., etc... I could go on & on, hehe. There's also summer camp that's for a week every June, which I did for about 8 years. Was a camper, "CAT" (counselor-at-training), then a counselor for a few years. :) It was a lotttt of fun and I really miss it. :( Anyway. That's what 4-H is, summed up. :) *hides & cries a little* I just... am so tired, and lonely, but even Jarrod being here wouldn't help me feel "un-lonely" ... it would just make it better for a little while. But not entirely better, never entirely better... :( |
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Cuddles everyone. Hmm today's a bit of a weird one, feeling tierd not a great night last night. So feeling tierd also a bit sick, hmm got to head out and try and get a pair of dress trousers for my bros wedding in 4 weeks, it's not helping that I feel low with all the stuff going on, plus I got a very low opioion of myself and seeing all my bumps and stuff isn't helping meh, just want to curl up and die. =(
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*cuddles Hels & Jill* Sorry it's not more...
I applied for the dog trainer job... I'm scared now. :-S I had to take an 89-question-long assessment, some about me & some about how I'd handle certain situations when/if they came up in a retail/business setting. I hope I did okay on that. :-S I also hope that I'd be ready to have a job like that one... really hope I'd be ready. :( I also did my therapy homework, which wasn't too bad although I couldn't think of much for one part of it... I have therapy later today, didn't at all last week and I'm not sure how I feel about that. :-X We'll see how today goes. Also, am trying to level my little level 58 death knight (on Bronzebeard-US) a bit before she goes to Outlands, because I hate hate HATE starting in Outlands at level 58. Your toon is undergeared, doesn't have "enough" health for me to be comfortable with it, etc., etc., etc. :( I wanted to try & do some dailies to get a Winterspring tiger... but no one who is on currently in my guild is responding to my question about where to find the guy that starts off the dailies. ARGH. Sorry if that made no sense to any of you, hah... :( I'm so tired. So tired of everything - of life, of my mind, of EVERYTHING. I just want to sleep away my day(s). Sadly, that "ain't gonna happen." :( *hides in her hole again* |
After show slump...
My fiance gave up on me and we are on "a break" I cannot handle this. I'm watching What Not to Wear and trying to distract myself. *hugs to all* hopefully I'll feel up to individuals later. I may go start a photo thread for Midsummer. |
I'm sorry you had a fight Felicia *Hugs*
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*hugs to all* *hides a bit* |
Sorry guys, I could only focus through the first page and a half and it's been 7 pages since I was on...
*waves at new wardies* I'm Crimson *huggles everyone and hopes everyone is well* |
Hmm things are going crazy again, wish things would came down, there only so much I can take. * curls up and crys*
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*cuddles all* Am feeling overwhelmed myself... ugh. :(
Sorry for no individuals, except - Crimson, how you doing? And maybe you'd best ask someone else to look at your essays, I keep meaning to do it whilst I'm at my parents' but I never get much time on the computer to do so. :( I'm sorry. I feel like I'm letting you down. :( *gentle hugs* I'm... exhausted. I took a short nap after walking to and from therapy, which was kind of draining. It seems like each week now I have a ton of stuff to tell her... which is draining in & of itself!!! I don't know why... it's like... this week was me applying for that job, the Abilify side effects, and a few other things (I think). Ughhh. :( *deep sigh* I really want to play WoW but it feels like people in my new guild are now ignoring me for no reason... which is... very hurtful to say the least. I am pretty sure that they aren't doing it on purpose but still. Abilify side effects sez I!! (see back a few pages for my rant, which I hid so people not wanting to read about girly things wouldn't have to read) And I don't want to play on my "normal" server (Silvermoon-US) because, well, I want to take a break from it. I don't know. I feel like I'm being stupid... :( *hides in a hole & cries* |
Ohh and Felicia I'm sorry that you & your fiancé are "taking a break." :( That doesn't make any sense to me... but anyway, will keep you in my thoughts. How are you holding up?? *gentle cuddles*
And how is everyone else?? *cuddles all 'round to those who want them* *hides back in her hole & keeps crying* |
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I'm ok so far today... You aren't letting me down, no need to be sorry. I know you're struggling :) *extra huggles* |
Updated r/v for the first time in like 5 days... :-S ...for those of you who want to read it, it's there... :(
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Just so you know I read your R/V thread April. It sucks when your guildies "ignore" you but I'm sure they're not doing so on purpose ,I'm sorry your meds are messing with you :( *Hugs*
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*hugs Mark back* They weren't ignoring me, it was just in my head... >_< ...just like so much stuff is. I asked the person who I initially whispered to get an invite to the guild, and she reassured me, which felt really good... then people talked some more later. Guess they were just busy earlier, heh. Silly brain of mine, always has to wander down the wrong path. :( And yeah, I wish that my meds weren't messing with me either but hey, what can you do... :( How are you doing, love? *curls up next to*
Jarrod called from work whilst on break and told me that he talked with a guy who was in the Air Force... about the army... and he (Jarrod) sounds a bit less determined now than he was about getting in. I don't know. It's like... every time I get "excited" or "hyped up" about something - a change, a new job, anything... I get let down. Maybe my expectations are always too high. I don't know. I just know that now that I've committed my thoughts & actions towards letting Jarrod prep for basic training (and yes, if he wants a higher paygrade than what soldiers initially start out with, he does have to prep - it's called the Future Soldiers Program)... I don't want him to back down. I don't think he will, it's just... I can't help but worry about it. I don't know. It kind of hurts. Also, in the 10 minutes we had to talk he hardly let me get a word in. I appreciate that he had a lot to tell me but... I wanted to talk with him, not just listen to him, if that makes sense... Sorry for whinging so much... *hides in the warren & doesn't come out* |
*sits in the warren with April*
I read your r/v too... glad the guild is being better now. sorry at a loss of what to say regarding Jarrod presently... |
hugs everyone, I am only a PM away if anyone wants to talk
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The following content has been hidden - Reason : whining and ranting
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Aw Crimson, I'm sorry about all of that. Sounds like a right mess... wish I had advice or something other than just *cuddles* but I'll add in some *extra cuddles* so maybe that'll help a bit? Also, whinge/rant all you need to, that's what we're here for. :) God knows I whinge/rant enough, hah. :-X And it's okay, you don't need to worry about anyone but yourself for the time being... focus on getting through each day, etc., and remember - take it a day at a time. *snuggles*
*glomps Oliver, Jill, & Mark, as I spy them!!* :) |
it's just so frustrating... she's almost twice my age and has more experience i should not have to deal with this crap. and i swear if my mil can't run me to the electric at lunch and we get shut off i'm gonna lose it...
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*hides in the warren*
Sorry. |
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I just want this after show depression to go away and everything to be normal. If my fiance doesn't want to come back, I just want to deal with only that... This is too much. *hugs to everyone in the thread* I'll do individuals one day... I promise. |
The following content has been hidden - Reason : long... continuation on earlier
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Lol, that's great, Crimson. :P *huggles*
Aw Felicia, I'm sorry. :( But if he won't come straight out & tell you, or if he won't stay with you, then was he the "right one" in the first place anyway? Just wondering/asking/pondering... hopefully that doesn't make it worse. :-S *hugs gently* *cuddles Hels & hides with her* What's up, sweetie? |
Was struggling with OD thoughts, seem to have quietened down but there are still there. Really missing my best friend, it's so quiet...
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*resumes hiding*
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*hugs helen* we are here for you
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*hugs april, crimson, mark, nicole, helen, felicia, louise, and everyone else that posted on pages before this one*
Sorry, not a long post i know. *goes back to studying for graduate school exams* |
*hugs Laura* good luck with the exam
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*hugs all*
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*notes that the ward is turning into the hugs thread then goes back in to hiding*
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Ugh SO triggered.......sorry I'm not doing replies , I'm pre-drained for my psych Dr appointment in 3 days or so , been taking Diaz everyday , thats not good or usual for me
Bedtime. *Hugs wardmates* |
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