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Khalia hun, I'm here if you ever need to talk *cuddles tightly*
Poor Kitty, I still want you to wake up so we can still talk *hugs* |
School starts again on Monday, and I'm extremely worried about it. I'm worried that my financial aid might not come in on time because of the fact that I had to medically withdraw from last semester, so I did not meet the credit requirements of financial aid. I am worried that I will not be able to do it. If I don't go to school, I will no longer have a counselor or an MD. I can't go get a counselor or MD elsewhere because I can't afford it and do not have health insurance. My biological mom has mental illnesses as well. She does not work. She has never been able to hold a job. I have never been able to hold a job, either. I'd like to say that I will not turn out like her, but, what's to say I won't? What if I can't do it? I don't even know how I am going to be able to focus on my school work with my issues with dissociating so much. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know what I can or cannot do. And this scares the crap out of me.
I hope my financial aid check comes in, soon. I have signed up for direct deposit, so as soon as my tuition is paid, the rest of my financial aid money should be deposited into my bank account automatically (provided there are no problems with it). But I need to buy another home pregnancy test. I have scheduled an appointment for a free one at a clinic out of town, but that appointment isn't until next Thursday at noon. I would like a home pregnancy test first, though. Now my cycle is late, and the test would give me better results. And if it is positive, I can tell them I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. |
*cuddles Kitty* I wish I could help more :( I'm here for you though, no matter what happens
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-snuggles sarah- thanks hun. Sorry for complaining.
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you said you had FS come in earlier right, Kitty? (Assuming I'm thinking of the right person) In your state do you have a specific case worker or a "unit" that handles the caseload?
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You can talk all you like here, noone minds lovely :) *cuddles*
So achy, buying new trainers tomorrow to see if I can make my back feel better |
*Hugs Kitty Sarah and Kahlia*
Sarah, perhaps you're tired. I get like that when I'm really tired. I disoconncect from everything but it's different to disassosiation because I'm still me, I know what I'm doing and I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't normally do, but I just don't feel like I'm doing the things or speaking the words if that makes sense...? I'm sorry you're struggling so much Kahlia. I wish there was something I could do, but I'm very glad you didn't go through with you're plan. I know how you feel about being scared too, I came so close once and it scared me. And about not wanting to upset people,it's part of the reason I keep so to myself. My friends always tell me they'd rather know though,and I guess they're right. A pysch or something would be used to this sort of thing. Kitty, at least school will give you something to do, get you out of your home. I love school, it keeps me sane. *Hugs Crimson* Sorry, didn't spot you there. How might you be? |
Sounds about right Lia, but I've only been up 12h, I shouldn't be tired... Strange.
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Crimson, yes my husband and I receive food stamps. Basically it's just the DSHS system that controls it. My husband does have a caseworker, but she is there mainly because he is receiving cash benefits from the state as well. He was receiving food stamps first, though, and he didn't initially have a designated caseworker, I believe.
Lia, school stresses me out to the max. I am really socially awkward, and feel less of a human when I'm around a bunch of people. Then there's the stress of getting homework done, which is more of a problem now than it used to be, due to the dissociation issues. School is far from my friend. -goes to retrieve her big stuffed dolphin and lays it in the middle of the day room floor and snuggles up with it- |
I's ok Lia. Fighting to ignore the headache I've got... but that's about it.
Kitty, the reason I ask is, if it's the same as up here if you qualify for FS or TANF you should qualify for Medicaid as well... Has the caseworker given a reason if they won't qualify you? The amount in your bank shouldn't bar you from it if they already know it's to pay your bills (which I assume they do because of the other assistance you are on)... |
I'm crying my eyes out lol :'(
*curls up* |
No, Crimson, it is not the same up here. According to their rules, you have to be pregnant, a senior citizen, or on social security disability in order to get medical. They are very strict on their rules. I could say something else but I won't because I don't want to offend anyone..
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*cuddles ward* I'm off to go do my injection and sleep. Night xx
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Hey im back, i havent been here for a few days. *Curls up in the corner* im lonely :( and not feeling a 100%.
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Night night sarah -hugs-
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-sits with ian- Sorry you are lonely. Could you go see a friend or something to feel less lonely?
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Thanks Kitty :) *Hugs Kitty* I was out with a friend earlier but i only have one friend. How are you?
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You have one more friend than I do. -hugs ian- I'm fine. And bored.
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*hugs ward*
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Invisible, wow. Just wanted someone to care & a hug.
*hugs Felicia, Kitty and Ian* |
Helen you aren't invisible. But when you said "Crying my eyes out", you also said "lol", which confused me, and possibly confused others. -hug-
-hugs felicia- How you be? Going to disappear for a bit. I will return. |
*hugs Kitty back*
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*leaves hugs for anyone who wants and waves at everyone else*
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I feel like I'm going to burst into tears for no reason.
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What's going on, Helen? Why are you crying? -offers protective teddy-
What's wrong, Felicia? -offers protective teddy- -sits next to helen and felicia- |
is it normal to feel so terrified of the hospital an ip system that you don't want to tell anyone what is really going on or how close you came. the psych part of the hospital here has killed so many people and i don't want to be one of the casulaties - and they have tried to kill me before .. i'm terrified of going in there and it's making me not want to talk to anyone. i have so much on my plate with uni and other stuff and i don't want to go there but i'm scared that they will send me there ... i'm so confused. what can i do? i just want to break down and cry or run away. i just don't know anymore. i'm so sorry, i'm such a bad wardie. i don't deserve help. i'm just a waste of space and i'm putting all my troubles onto everyone else.
i can't even rejoice in my good stuff like getting a hd on my subject from the last study period at uni. nothing seems to touch me anymore. i keep feeling like it would be better for everyone if i wasn't here. i'm just so sorry. i just would love to cry and curl up in a corner and never be seen again., :crying: |
-hugs kahlia, if ok- First of all, you are not a bad wardie. And you are not a waste of space. Everyone is allowed to rant and vent all they want and/or need here. That's the purpose of the ward. Everyone supports each other here.
What do you mean the ward has killed people? Can you report them for doing so? It doesn't seem right that they should be allowed to get away with that. That's murder and as far as I know, murder is against the law, no matter where you live. Since they have tried to kill you in the past, surely you could tell that to the police or something? If they are killing patients, something has to be done. Maybe until the hospital system is better, you could talk to someone, but not tell them the entire truth? Not lying, but omitting some of the truth so that you don't get hospitalized. If not, is there a chance you could request to be hospitalized elsewhere? I am going to watch a movie. I need a distraction. I'm sorry. I am not trying to be rude or anything. If you need to talk more, you can PM me if you'd like. I will be checking back every so often. -offers kahlia a protective teddy- Edit: Just so everyone knows, I am going to stay logged on here during my movie. Just to clear up confusion. Makes it easier for me to pop back in and check. |
I love this song...it's such a classic! (It was on the movie I am watching)
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbNlMtqrYS0"]YouTube - The Proclaimers - I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)[/ame] |
I'm back just so everyone knows my movie is over.
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kitty: our ward has literally killed people and been responsible for the deaths (directly and indirectly) of many others.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Full details
i spoke with a friend today and she advised me also to sort of talk around the issue with my gp so that hospitalisation would not be so much of a concern - but to hopefully be more honest with my pdoc. she also told me to ring her if i started getting too bad again so i could have someone supportive to talk things through with because when i tried to reach out to someone before they told me they didn't want to talk and hung up even after i had admitted i was suicidal. just hoping that things will settle down .. scared they might not. really sorry for putting this all on you guys. i know it's a lot and you don't need to deal with my bs. :-( |
*Hugs Kitty*
*Hugs Lia* *Hugs Sarah* *Hugs Kahlia* Please tell a Dr Hun , They could put in place a support network for you , thats what my team did for me .PM box Open for you always despite my advice maybe crap I'll always listen :) *Hugs Crimson* *Hugs Helen* *Hugs Ian* *Hugs Felicia* *Hugs Heather* Nice new profile pic :) |
*Potters about the ward*
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*Spots and Hugs Kahlia*
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*hugs everyone* It's quiet in here now.
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hugs all, then curls up.
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*hugs ward*
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Man, the ward's quiet today.
*hugs all* |
Boo. :)
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Lia! *hugs* How're you?
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*hugs Lia and Felicia*
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*Hugs Lindsay*
*Hugs Felicia* *Hugs Helen* *Hugs Lia* *Hugs Jill* How are you all? |
*Hugs Helen* Hey. You feeling better now? What was the matter?
*Hugs Felicia* Yo :) You alright? I'm Ok atm. I didn't crash last night, phew, but I'm still afraid of it because even for me, I am taking this news far too well... |
Sorry Mark, posted as you did. *Hugs* Just explained about me, what about you?
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Hey guys *cuddles ward* I bought some of those tone up trainers for my commute because they're so comfortable and good for my joints. Mums moaning because I already have shoes. She nags me to get more exercise, when I do something about it I get moaned at. AGH! Its so frustrating!
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Meh, so hurt
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*hugs Helen*
*Hugs Lia* I'm glad you're okay, atm. *Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry that you're getting moaned at. |
*Hugs Lia* I'm ......conflicted . Trying my bestest to not injure .
*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry your Mum is moaning at you :S |
Sarah, have you tried to tell her that no matter the exercise or exercise program it's recommended to get shoes specifically for it?
*hugs everyone* |
*Hugs Crimson* How are you?
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I tried, but she won't listen. They're a waste of money apparently. They're to take pressure off my joints and tone muscles whilst walking. I don't see the issue. >:(
*cuddles ward* this is making my head hurt |
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