curls up and hides. ugh my head is so messed up tonight. cries

*hugs* I know how you feel

*hugs all*

*hugs oliver tightly* you need to know that u are loved and cared about... I know u hurt and I know that kind of pain can be overwhelming... know that we are here for you...

*hides* sorry I'm a failure and a freak

I don't think you r a failure or a freak! I think you are one of the most awsome ppl I've ever had the pleasure of talking to... you have been a great support to me when I needed it most... now it's my turn to be here for you ... never appologize for being you!

I am a freak, look at me everything is wrong, I've been called a freak all my life by everyone soI must be

people are stupid and always looking to beat others down to make themselves feel better. Trust me, as a friend I would never lie to you... this is a place of honesty, love, friendship, hope, and security... a place to feel safe about sharing how we feel without fear of being judged.

you are NOT a freak. you're an awsome friend who has so much to give. You give it every day you sign in here. I've seen it. No matter how much you are hurting you always have a hug for anyone in need of it... even if you don't have the words to say you always have a way of showing your love and support of others.

I've been called stupid my entire life by those around me... we both know that I am far from it... but some times it is hard to remember that when you hear it so much... *HUGS*

*curls up and rocks* I'm sorry really sorry

don't appologize... we've all been there at some point

*holds oliver while he rocks and hopes it helps him feel safe and cared about*

I'm sorry I'm so useless. I'm scared, even though I'm at my friends house, there is nothing here I can take, but I want to so badly, there are two close supermarkets which are still open, god I'm pathetic

you're not pathetic or useless and I'm glad you're at a friends house and not alone. It's ok to be afraid... I feel that way every times I feel the urge to cut... I feel afraid that one day I could go to far or permantly damage myself or even more frightening... my children

you're not alone in how you feel... please hang in there...

I really want to go to the supermarkt and buy some pills, even though thats not my plan and not how I want to go, the physical symptons would give me some release for a bit. *rocks*

I understand the urge... especially the desire to disconnect and feel some sort of release or numbness from the pain. It's so hard to face up to what we feel sometimes because it feels so over powering that it feels as though you might drown in it or suffocate in the weight of it all, but whether you know it or not, you are strong enough to beat this... maybe not alone, but you DO have people who care about you and who are willing to stand by you and help you in any way we can. You're so special because you have such a big heart ... and to maintain that kind of spirit under such crushing emotional pain is a sign of the most powerful inner strength you can imagine...

curls up and hides under blanket. sorry guys.

*runs around ward* sorry i've gone really hyper and manic suddenly, want to go for a real run, but my friend is scared of letting me out on my own

it's ok, hun... sometimes we all need to hide under a blanket... i know i wish i could some days *hug*

ask your friend to go with you then... i know that when i'm feeling really triggered going for a walk or a run can sometimes help it pass... it's like i can run until my lungs burn out all those horrible feelings inside and i can exhaust myself enough to sleep off the rest...

*curls up again* manic mood has gone, this is why I hate BPD so much, just rapidly gone through about 9different moods in the last 15 mins

I understand... not from personal experience, but my MIL has BP as well so I've been around it a lot. It's not your fault and I really hope your mood stabalizes soon.

I should go soon and get some rest. Are you going to be ok? I really don't want to go if you need some one to talk to... and don't think you'll be a bother if you need me to stay, because NOTHING is more important to me than my family and you're a part of my RYL family and that counts!