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PoisonedApple 04-05-2010 11:26 PM

Hi Owen *waves*

frenchhorn 04-05-2010 11:30 PM

thanks April, crimson and Owen.

I guess your right April, yeah my mum is being supportive, but yeah that doesn't exactly make things good. I just miss my sister, and hate the fact that she no longer thinks I exist, it hurts a lot.
all I want to do is die, I told my counsellor today that I was becoming more and more depressed again and had been thinking about suicide a lot, but it was at the end of the session, so couldn't talk much, he looked worried and asked to email my college welfare officer so he could tell them they need to be offering me regular support as well.

can't survive anymore, sorry I'm not replying very much or being very supportive, just can't at the moment, I promise I will when my brain can focus a little more.


PoisonedApple 04-05-2010 11:30 PM

The following content has been hidden - Reason : pathetic whining... no need to read this.
I've just determined that my life is kinda pathetic. Not only do I never go out and hardly get a minute to spare to talk to people I know, I'm pretty sure the only friends I have anymore are you guys. More patheticness? I don't know how to fix it or even if its worth the effort. It makes me sad but on the upside you guys are better friends than any others I've ever had. *sits and cries*

MammaMia 04-05-2010 11:43 PM

*hides & cries*

frenchhorn 04-05-2010 11:44 PM

*comes over to Helen and hugs* whats up?

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 11:54 PM

*hugs MammaMia *

MammaMia 04-05-2010 11:58 PM

Can't do it anymore. Can't take this lowness anymore. Scared of getting suicidal. Am overdue an episode of it. Feels like the only way I can reach happiness (even if it is for a matter of days, if that!) is to be really low & then suicidal. I can't do it again. The last time I was like that, was the worst I've ever been. I never want to go back. I don't want to die anymore, like I used to. I want to live & be happy. But I don't see how I'm ever going to be happy like I used to be. They keep telling me I'm fine. I'm so tired of hearing it & trying to fight for help. Something's wrong. Or I'd be happy majority of time, I wouldn't struggle to do simple things, I'd be excited about things..I...I...I :'(

frenchhorn 05-05-2010 12:06 AM

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry I dont have many words at the moment, but hold onto the fact that you want to be happy and you want to live, because that is very important.

MammaMia 05-05-2010 12:08 AM

Is it?

xxjuliexx 05-05-2010 12:12 AM

*hugs oliver and mummamia (who i think is named helen) wave at and hugs Kahlia1981*

frenchhorn 05-05-2010 12:17 AM

yes helen it is very important, because without that you dont have anything to hold onto
*hugs Julie*

MammaMia 05-05-2010 12:25 AM

I am Helen yeah :) *hugs Julie*

I suposse you're right Oliver..

Scarletdreamer 05-05-2010 12:29 AM

Crimson, sweetie, I can totally empathize with what you're saying. I don't have many friends IRL, only one really good one (whom I refer to as my "bestie" in here, in case you were wondering), and the ward folk are my next closest batch of friends. I feel like my life is pathetic too. *cuddles close* Things will be okay... *offers you tissues and a bunch of quince flowers*

Hels, it is VERY important to remember that you want to live & be happy, because then, as Oliver said, you have something to hold on to and cling to when the going gets really tough - like right now. *holds you gently*

Oliver, I'm sorry to hear about how poorly you're doing. I wish I could help somehow. :( I'm glad that you have support where you need it though... i.e., your counselor & then the college welfare office people (I hope I got that right). Please don't do anything "stupid" and please keep fighting as hard as you can... I know it's tough but you are a tough person, strong, like all of us here. We're like oak trees. Deep roots, tough wood, together we can make it. *cuddles*

I'm feeling really shitty right now... have only had half the Klonopin I normally take in a day and I'm beginning to feel it... muscle cramps, my back is all tight and tense, and tomorrow is going to be hell with only one or two mg of Klonopin to take. Jarrod thinks that I need to go off it entirely, have my NP help me get weaned off it, as my body's become accustomed to more and more of it. I used to take 0.25mg/day and now I'm up to 4mg/day... so yeah. I don't know... I just want to cry and give up. :'(

*hides in a hole*

MammaMia 05-05-2010 12:33 AM

*hides with April*

xxjuliexx 05-05-2010 12:38 AM

ok well i is dressed thats start -looks at bedroom sighs-so untidy

MammaMia 05-05-2010 12:39 AM

That's good Owen :)

xxjuliexx 05-05-2010 12:55 AM

-yawns-i've just wasted half of julies day -looks at the floor- that is bad -nods- very bad

frenchhorn 05-05-2010 12:57 AM

why does one little thing stress me out so damn much.
*stomps off*

Scarletdreamer 05-05-2010 12:59 AM

What little thing, Oliver? I dunno what it is but perhaps because you're under so much stress lately? *cuddles* *stomps with because she is also upset and angry and worried*

Scarletdreamer 05-05-2010 01:01 AM

*rocks out*

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