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myrealname 31-08-2017 04:49 PM

Cuddles up with blanket and a book. Feeling Lethargic this week, and just want to be alone and not worry about others feelings. I am overwhelmed with my own depression and can't seem to make room to help anyone else.

myrealname 31-08-2017 04:50 PM


Originally Posted by Eir (Post 4127573)
Hi people. Hope the reason it's quiet is cos everyone's doing well. I on the other hand, am teetering. Not quite unwell yet, but if one more thing happens, I think I may become unstable.
I just don't fit anywhere anymore.
Hugs for those who want them

Hugs back. Hope you feel okay today. I feel the teetering as well. Ill be checking back tonight to see if anyone replies to this thread. XXOO

beforemyway 01-09-2017 02:24 PM

Mornings are the worst. Can we just vote to eliminate mornings?

Kathryn_Anna 09-09-2017 01:00 PM

Can we keep the wake up and stretch part of mornings? I like that part. I'm not awake enough to really think about anything. Give me the first 15 minutes of morning and then we can skip the rest!

I'm really struggling the last day or two. I can't make heads or tails of how I feel. Sad, mad, frustrated. I feel like my parents betrayed me. My childhood was a lie and I don't know what other secrets they have decided to keep from me. Just really having a hard time processing everything. Hubby's at work and I've got to figure out how to adult when I really don't want to.

Eir 11-09-2017 12:26 PM

Boo! I'm definitely struggling. My quality of sleep is crap which makes everything worse. I've chosen the wrong career for someone who's sleep pattern is pivotal to maintaining reality connection.
They are noticing it at work. I'm not sure I'll manage to pass this grad year.
Thanks for the nice thoughts.

Kathryn_Anna 15-09-2017 12:16 PM

I'm sorry you're struggling with sleep, Eir. I hope it gets better for you.

I need a safe place to maybe color or paint. Maybe even just to curl up and nap. At what point do you just give up fighting for what's important? My kids are everything to me. They are struggling majorly and I've been fighting for them. It's so exhausting though. It's ruining my health trying to make sure they don't suffer like me. I'm just... sigh... at the end of my rope. I can't keep fighting and losing, thus failing them. I just can't. :'(

Eir 16-09-2017 02:58 PM

I can't answer that. But I believe that running ourselves into the ground will not help those we care for. It actually makes it harder to do what we need for them. I'm a bit of a hypocrite, I tend to wear myself thin and ignore my own needs until I start falling to pieces.
I'm a bit low. And struggling to focus on things.

Kathryn_Anna 20-09-2017 09:56 PM

I'm back. Need a quiet place to get over the sensory overload going on in my house. I'm ready for a nap. A nice long nap. I may snap long before a nap is possible though.

caiden 19-10-2017 09:11 PM

huggles to everyone! actually just stopped by to check in and let everyone know that theres hope and people do care...ive struggled for over 29 years, and am finally finding myself in a place in life where life seems to be finally getting easier and less stressful, and thankfully the people in my life now are less judgmental more supportive more caring and genuinely want me around...so please dont give up? keep trying, and hopefully your happy place will come soon too

Eir 22-10-2017 12:03 PM

Does anyone have experience with dealing with intrusive thoughts? My usual tricks aren't working.

one_step_closer 22-10-2017 04:10 PM

The only thing I remember being taught about dealing with intrusive thoughts is to say the word 'stop' every time they come into your head. That can get a bit tiring and go on for a while though but it's something to try if you haven't tried it already. Do you know why your usual techniques don't seem to be helping right now?

Daemon 22-10-2017 09:15 PM


Originally Posted by Eir (Post 4138091)
Does anyone have experience with dealing with intrusive thoughts? My usual tricks aren't working.

Same. I don't have any tricks though except to distract myself with other thoughts until they go away.

Hello everybody. I'm an oldbie returning on a new account. Nobody knows me though, haha.

Eir 23-10-2017 01:57 AM

Probably exhaustion. I definitely think I need to talk to my manager about my roster.
I'll try that, but I'm on shift right now. Thankyou

aoife77 10-11-2017 07:02 PM

hello there everyone. Hugs and coffee to those that need them. With respect to intrusive thoughts I d try grounding techniques and maybe a bit of meditation to clear my mind. Hope this helps :)

Kahlia1981 12-11-2017 07:00 AM

Hi all.

After having spent another 6 weeks in hospital and another full week at home I'm about ready to give up. Just so tired and struggling to stay safe. *sigh* Not to mention I've realised that I've spent 5 months in hospital this year.

On a positive note, the TMS (Trans-cranial Magnetic Stimulation for anyone who hasn't heard of it) was successful and I can fit 3 to 6 month top-ups into my schedule. The last lot was sabotaged by the doctor so my next round will probably be a bit early and I have to be hospitalised for close to 4 weeks for the treatment, but it's better than nothing and I don't have to leave town for it.

Now I just have to fit my treatment around uni and retake the subjects I was trying to do before I was hospitalised. Oh, and organise to find a doctor within the hospital who will be willing to take me on so I can avoid the p**** I had this last time. *sigh*

*hugs to anyone who wants/needs them*

I'm just going to go and curl up in my pillow fort...

Eir 13-11-2017 09:03 AM

Why is it that, at the ripe old age of 32, with 3 hospitalisations under my belt, some very helpful therapy and a degree that gives me insight into the necessity of being honest with those in the medical professionals and those in your support network, that I still minimise my symptoms?
New medication regime. Let's see how this goes.
*Cookies for all*

Kahlia1981 14-11-2017 03:54 AM

*safe hugs*

Annie: Good luck with the new meds.

One more day of hiding how I'm doing from my husband. So tired of fighting. *sigh*

Kahlia1981 22-12-2017 01:11 AM

I know this is a really hard time of year for a lot of us so...

*hugs to anyone who wants/needs them*

I'm sorry that I cannot do more.

wildly insane 30-01-2018 04:40 PM

It’s quiet in here, *goes and makes a cuppa* I’m an oldie, I ran away as I was being triggered too much but I’m a lot stronger now, been free of SI for 7 years now me thinks, just wanted to say hi, having a shitty day. Got Pilates later though, I like Pilates...

Eir 08-02-2018 11:30 AM

Hugs and fluffy bunnies for all. Unless you're Anyanka. Then no bunnies.
Struggling again

Kathryn_Anna 09-02-2018 09:29 PM

Been awhile. I can feel myself spiraling downhill. I am stressing so much. The thoughts in my head aren't good.

So for now I'll curl up with my blanket and cup of coffee.

Kahlia1981 22-02-2018 10:57 PM

*sigh* So tired. Still waiting on TMS treatment...

Sorry to hear that things aren't so good Annie, Kat and wildly insane (can I call you Hannah?). I hope they improve.

wildly insane 24-02-2018 08:47 AM

Yes, yes, Hannah is good, all good here, sounds tough Kahila, hope they don’t keep you waiting much longer.
Anna, how are you? Fancy another cuppa? Do you want to chat about it?

Eir 25-02-2018 11:58 AM

I feel like my head is full of cotton wool. I'm distracted to the point of being referred to the risk management team. I'm on meds, so if I feel like this with them I don't know what I'd be like without them. Maybe I'd be in the middle of an episode.
I've got two weeks off. That scares me. And I don't really know why.
Thank you Hannah, Kahlia and Kat.

wildly insane 26-02-2018 09:44 AM

Have you discussed changing meds with anyone, maybe they're not the right ones?
Is there anything you want to do during your two weeks off which you can focus on? are there little things on a day by day basis you can do and keep yourself busy?

BangEndedScoot 26-02-2018 11:50 AM

Hey guys, sorry, i've not read up, I don't think I have it in me right now.
I used to frequent here a few years ago, but haven't been in for a while.
Hope everyone's doing as well as they can be.

Eir 26-02-2018 02:35 PM

I've got a booking with my psychiatrist for the first time since 2007. At the end of May. Downside of living 3 hrs away from a major city.
My GP is reluctant to adjust them. I think I'm close to the max dose of one, and intrusive thoughts are still a daily struggle. Other symptoms are relatively controlled. But if the distraction continues we might have to do something drastic. I can't function at work like this.
Dad's surgery has been postponed a fortnight. So no aloneness for my vacation.
Hug for bang ended scoot. And thanks for the kindness Hannah

wildly insane 26-02-2018 07:54 PM

Sounds tough Eir, May is a long time to struggle through, I hope your go can help.

Bangendedscoot, hang in there and if you want to talk we’re listening.

YodaBearInterrupted 12-03-2018 04:28 AM

Haven't been here for a while. Have been doing okay for the past few months but tonight I feel terrible. First time in a while I have had to fight with the Voices and other things. Trying really hard not to do something bad like hurt myself, but it is very difficult right now. Hard to resist. Going to try yo take my meds and write in my journal and hopefully fall asleep soon. Until then I will just sit in here.

xxjuliexx 30-03-2018 11:12 AM

hey everyone :)

Eir 17-04-2018 11:20 AM

Wanna hide here. Wish it was real.
Don't like my reality.

YodaBearInterrupted 20-04-2018 01:33 AM

Not having a great evening and having a hard time..
Just want to run away from all the pain and the chaos in my head. Going to sit here and hope it gets better

Eir 28-04-2018 01:46 PM

My life is turning sour. But im not hurting myself yet.
I hope everyone else is doing ok.

psychadelicflowergirl 02-05-2018 01:27 AM

Hey everyone. I’m turning 30 this week and am scared because I’ve done nothing with my life. :( it all seems to be a mess. I’m physically ill, mentally ill and unable to do things by myself. I didn’t envision 30 in a wheelchair. Then again I don’t think anyone does.
Hope everyone is good x

Kathryn_Anna 22-05-2018 05:34 PM

I'm over these headaches. I am so tired. I go to sleep at night and wake up still exhausted. Stress may kill me. People ask me how I do it all. I honestly don't know. I manage for now. Ask me tomorrow after I throat punch someone for telling me something I already know doesn't work for my kid. I've been doing nothing but fighting for her for months. Nobody is listening. What more do I need to do to get these doctors to take my concerns seriously and actually do something about it all?

Life is hard. Adulting is hard. Nobody ever told me as a kid things would be so tough.

I want to just sleep. For as long as possible and wake up to everything being okay. *sigh*

Kahlia1981 24-05-2018 01:30 PM

Hi all.

I've finally had my TMS treatment and come home from hospital again but have a traumatic memory returning so I'm crawling in to find some place that isn't terrifying.

psychadelicflowergirl: I only went into a wheelchair about 2 years ago but I definitely didn't envision it happening... ever in fact.

*sigh* Right now I'd just take being able to be in a darkened room without completely freaking out, but that doesn't seem like it will happen any time soon.

*curls up in the corner*

silentgirl 24-05-2018 01:34 PM

🤗 Kahlia

Oh I just wish I could let all the emotions out but I know I canít without hurting everyone....

Kathryn_Anna 30-07-2018 02:55 AM

Anyone up for some company? I need a distraction. Life is overwhelming. I'm trying to juggle everything and failing miserably.

rhi 04-08-2018 09:43 PM

Hey :) I was a member here a loooong while ago (apparently I last posted in 2009) It took a little while and a bit of searching to remember my username (thank you introductions threads) but now I can log in as me again and say hello.

EyelinerAndCigarettes 06-08-2018 05:05 PM


Originally Posted by rhi (Post 4184536)
Hey :) I was a member here a loooong while ago (apparently I last posted in 2009) It took a little while and a bit of searching to remember my username (thank you introductions threads) but now I can log in as me again and say hello.


yoyogirl 08-08-2018 08:48 PM

I am finding it hard to grasp why o feel so glad and relieved that I am not turning up to any groups activities and not turning up to anything I feel great. Indoors girl .
Yet when I do go I feel awful, mentally it feels like too much despite it fantastic at concert venues of big crowds that I cope with. I can cope with talking to people face to face about a product service my bank for instance. Yet in social situations like meeting group in the library who I have seen a thousand times in the community is impossible at times and I can go to a college and I am going to lecturers seminars that kinda thing but when it comes to social interactions in more laid back or natter itís impossible.
I donít understand why I even struggle in chat rooms even though I have used since I was 13-14yewts old or in kik groups.
I just donít understand why I feel so ***** about it
But I am finding that with meds I am on for the fibromyalgia that itís helping the physical side anxiety now.
I am not scared of the symptoms or having a panic attack
Itís the groups settings that scare the living shits out me.

Kathryn_Anna 01-09-2018 02:08 PM

Since I can't nap in real life right now I think I'll find a safe corner in here and curl up and nap. I'm over it all. Done. Exhausted.

m0nk 01-10-2018 02:28 PM

i've been living inside a labyrinth since i was 11. well actually since i was 5. it got dark it got bright but sometimes there was a gust of wind. other times there was water coming down over the edges.i'm just been rotting. have had friends that were neaver really friends aka people that appear and dissapear. lately an old friend of mine have returned and i've been chatting recently with that, but not alot. on the other side of the thick mossy wet dark wall of the side of the labyrinth i'm currently at... i've been starting to talk to a shrink, she's a lady kinda nice. nods and shakes to whatever i must say seems very pertinent to me like i get the feeling she wants to listen. but in that moment of epipanhy alone, i just feel that my heart gets heavier since i've talked to her. i have someone that i've been talking to here where i live since 25th october 2016 cause of things that happened then. i've been talking non stop often every day for 2 or 3 hours until we are cold or can't almost stand up anymore. it has helped and i think it still helps. i've been so back and forwards keep staring in the mirror for periods of time just because i got none...
i have something called incorporated memory loss. and i want to ask you if anyone in here have heard of something like this or is experiencing it. it's a bitch from behind the moon living with it. i can talk to someone as i said for 2 or 3 hours at a time and all i really want is a distraction that wakes me up to that makes me start my life like me and not behind something that feels like a black box that lives inside my head registering everything i say then 10 minutes later makes me forget it because of trauma i had in my childhood since i i was 5 and no one to talk to about.(feel free to ask questions, i dont mind) and also i feel exhausted of just starting this thing with the people here i live to start taking walks to get distracted for when the impulse stuff happens... (grabs a marshmallow from the freezer)

my grandfather is basically the only person who has helped me cause without him i dont think i could have moved on the way i did with what happened in my childhood. he has since passed away from cancer and again i was left alone. it always seems that something wants me to be left alone and that's what i'm getting help for now. atleast from my perspective. i'm maybe going to be comitted soon to get help for various things. and i've been bumped up in sessions with the shrink lady for the trauma thing to once a week. it's a stupid start...........

when after the thing trauma started and what was done was done my grand father took me to see a hypno therapist that helped me get back my focus. and slowly i've realised i'm just all over the place like a puzzle with atleast a million pieces and the only thing i can think of that makes me not lose my mind is getting my life back together. kinda looking for hope in a cold world. there are ppl around me that care i'm aware. i only wish there was a fast cure for this realisation of slow fast forward.

first time i talked to the shrink lady it was very ok. i got to say alot of things. but there is yet much much more left untalked. i want her to know i want everything my thoughts think about to be a conversation that i'm me and not some stupid... idk... anyway.. first time i talked to her was ok. but after that when i walked home with the friend person that followed along side me to her. i only complained that it didnt solve anything.. and when i got home all i could think about was that i wanted to talk more and more and eventually be able to wake up somehow. then it started getting dark and mossy again. btw this is over 2 weeks ago. i missed the last session i had cause i felt all too many thoughts at the same time i was supposed to shower and go to bed early but i couldnt. all i did was think... then after awhile being dark and mossy i started forgetting what we talked about like some sort of auto distraction turn my brain wanted to go one way and my heart, feelings, urges some other ways. (grabs water from the fridge)

it's like my life since i was 5 dont have a history. it's very sad and stupidly lonely. i listen to music and play games sometimes to relieve stress for what i dont want.

*refills the freezer with a new pack of marshmallows and water in the fridge*


edit: my panic button dont work anymore....

Frail Existence 08-10-2018 10:32 AM

Iím an oldie. Used to really be around back in 2012. I still really struggle with mental health but nowadays Iím open and have help. The problem is- I have chronic illness. I have several rare diseases, they leave me pretty much bedridden and Iím on a feeding tube for the most part. All because my parents didnít take care of me when I was younger. Everyone told me ďyouíre fine.Ē If I was fine why am I not fine now.

Eir 18-10-2018 03:44 PM

Hi newbies/ returnees. Welcome back or just welcome.
I'm still a mess. I actually took a sick day because I couldn't face the idea of work. Can't see a counselor til late November. No psychiatrist till December. My GP is on holidays until the second week of November.
I'm safe because I have no plan and currently still care enough about not hurting my parents, not from lack of intention. How to explain that to the generic GP? Cos I made an appointment with one. This should be good.

psychadelicflowergirl 21-10-2018 10:35 PM

(possible trigger) i tried to commit suicide a week ago. i can't even do that right. i took a bunch of pills but i guess my tolerance for them is stronger than i thought. just made me sleepy. i can't bear to tell my family this. not that anyone except the mother would care. my husband caught me and i felt so bad. honestly i was hurting the one person that has come into my life and helped me and loved me and it is ripping me apart inside as to why i even tried to do that again. i was serious. i wanted to die. i guess your brain doesn't think of the people you hurt when you're *that* low.

yoyogirl 23-10-2018 10:59 PM

I’m falling apart again .... I feel that I’m going to lose everything in one hit...finding life a real struggle need some cuddles, hugs and encouragement that I ain’t gonna fall apart again. Cos I don’t know if I could handle another breakdown, I know that loosing my uni place would kill me inside.... I have been there a momth... I have settled I know my subjects inside and out. It’s just the accreditation of prior learning from the ou that’s thr tricky bit. I’m wondering. If what I have done for the ou is sufficient, if I am good enough, if I am worth a place, if what I have done matches their requirements... I’m there as a temporary student with visitors pass.... i don’t know if next I could by my last week... or the week after.. I need to know what is is going on

m0nk 29-10-2018 07:28 PM

trauma therapist in a week. i have to wait more and more wait and the wait again for more wait....

i'm also wondering if i should accept the admission to the ward later. i'm on a watiting list <3

m0nk 13-02-2019 06:25 PM

my "therapist" sucks.

lostdoll 12-03-2019 09:50 PM

Popping in because I feel like I have no real friends that I can talk to. Which in itself makes me quite sad. I have friends, but they're scattered, we're all busy, you can't just message them when something is bothering you or you need to talk something through. It makes me feel very lonely.

*sits in safety of RYL forum*

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