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Scarletdreamer 17-01-2010 11:36 AM

*cuddles Laura* What drama with your friends, love? Doesn't sound very fun, that's for sure... hope you're feeling a bit better this morning. Why are you freaking out about going swimming? scars? *gentle hugs* I'm sure that you'll be fine once you get in the water - just focus on the workout potential - but don't overdo it, of course. :) Oh, and you did make sense, about the mask. I understand... I feel like I have a mask up a lot yet it feels real too... I don't know. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me but I guess you understand!! lol.

*snuggles Kahlia* I'm so sorry you feel so bad... is there anything we can do to help?

*huggles Helen* Are you bipolar? Just wondering, as you've mentioned being hyper and then crashing... I am NOT diagnosing you nor can I - disclaimer that I have to give whenever I ask anything like that, lol - but it just sounds a bit off for "normal" behavior, I dunno. Hopefully that didn't come out offensive - I just got up so my mind's still muzzy. How you doing this morning?

*sends cuddles out for anyone else that's hovering around*

I'm doing alright. Probably will be going to church today & then if the weather is warm enough, perhaps target shooting with my dad and husband after church. Should be fun... haven't gotten to shoot my pistol in quite awhile. :) Am feeling better from the stomach bug but am still frustrated with my NP. Grrrrr.

Oh well.


MammaMia 17-01-2010 02:53 PM

Laura, I'm guessing you're freaking out because of cuts(?)/scars??? *cuddles* I know how you feel about that one. It'll be okay once you're in the water, if you decide to do it :) I promise. You will probably feel like everyone's staring at you, but I promise they're not.

April, no, I haven't been dignoised with anything. Everyone I've seen, in crisis or not, all think I'm 'fineeee' :) It's ****ing ridiclous. I feel really hyper again this afternoon, god knows why, I'm so ridiclously tired, bit low and sore (I banged my head last night when I passed out) >_> Have fun today though, well I hope you do :)

SoMuchMore 17-01-2010 05:43 PM

*hugs april* glad ur feeling better, and i hope that you have fun going shooting.

The drama is with 2 of my friends that are roommates.. one feels like the other is replacing her in her original friend group (aka, my main friend group)... and so shes very upset, and while i understand where she is coming from, i also kinda have the mindset that is like, why cant we all be friends?... so there is a lot of competition between the 2 when they are together and then I get one side of the story and other ppl get the other roommates side.. and it just gets ridiculous. Stupid drama... i try to stay away from lol.

*hugs helen* aw ur poor nan. I hope that she goes for her walk so that she can get better. Sorry ur so tired.

Yes i am freaking out about cuts... scars im okay-ish with... but since i recently just relapsed there are newer cuts. I know ppl probably wont notice.. but its hard to not be self conscious. Im sure ill be fine once im actually in the water.

MammaMia 17-01-2010 05:49 PM

*cuddles everyone tight*

Scarletdreamer 17-01-2010 06:55 PM

*cuddles Helen* Hope your nan gets her walk too, as it will help her heal faster. Is it difficult seeing her like this? It must be... *gentle hugs for all of the stuff you're going through*

*cuddles Laura* Yeh, I think you'll be fine once you're in the water. Just make sure the newer cuts are well taken care of, but you know that... and maybe put some more antibiotic etc. on them after swimming? because even chlorinated pools can have bacteria that live in them. I don't blame you for being self-conscious but I am pretty sure that no one would notice. If you don't mind me asking (and it's okay if you do, no offense taken), where do you cut? *more cuddles*

Can't go shooting today as it's raining. :( Boo hiss. I was kind of looking forward to that, even though I feel shitty and really full right now. I'm struggling with my parents... I posted awhile ago in the ED forum about this, but I'll post about it here too - my mum has an ED and eats barely anything yet expects me to eat so much more than she does. It's really, really triggering to see her nibble at her food and then have her expect me to eat as much as Jarrod (hubby) does!!

Also... I need to tell my parents about the sexual abuse in high school... but I don't know when, or how, or how to go about doing this. Should I post a thread about this in abuse/bullying?


MammaMia 17-01-2010 07:12 PM

It's not so difficult now as she's getting much better :) But it has been increadibly difficult :'( She walked with my mum this morning =D

Also April, maybe write it out and show your parents? *cuddles* Maybe seeking support from A&B will help, they're fablous :)

MammaMia 17-01-2010 08:04 PM

It's too hard tonight :'(

Scarletdreamer 17-01-2010 08:51 PM

*cuddles Helen* What's too hard tonight, sweetie?

Yeh, I think I will post in A&B, they are good there although I tend not to get a ton of replies as I don't post tons there. I do some, in a few threads, but as I haven't had a ton of experience with A&B stuff, I don't always know the right sort of things to say. Plus, it can trigger flashbacks if I'm not careful. :(

I'm really not feeling well... don't feel like typing it all out here but there's a lot going on in my head... I'll try to post in my venting spot in a bit but that's not much good, is it? :-X


MammaMia 17-01-2010 09:13 PM

Well if you do post, be careful *squishes* Or you could post about it in vets??

Sorry you're not feeling too good, but posting in your venting thread is always good to do too.

Everything's too hard :/

Scarletdreamer 17-01-2010 09:37 PM

It feels like everything is too hard for me too. I posted in A&B... not sure how many responses I'll get.

So much going on in my head right now, it feels like a whirlpool.

Don't know what to do to get my mind off it. I feel like I'm drowning.

MammaMia 17-01-2010 10:05 PM

*cuddles you right*

Scarletdreamer 18-01-2010 12:08 AM

*cuddles back*

Just got told off by someone that I care about... it ****ing hurt... she didn't mean it to be harsh but said that she "doesn't believe in sugar coating things." It was about giving up etc. Said I can't, that there are lots of people out there with problems like mine but the difference between them & me is that they have taken responsibility over their actions and not given in to blah blah blah.


Jetforce 18-01-2010 01:45 PM

*cuddles all*

Scarletdreamer 18-01-2010 02:00 PM

*cuddles Jet* How you doing today?

*hides in dark corner for the rest of forever & ever*

MammaMia 18-01-2010 02:49 PM

*cuddles Jem and April*

Scarletdreamer 18-01-2010 03:07 PM

*cuddles Helen* How're you, love? feeling any better? how're your friends?

Just had a shithole of a session with my therapist. It was over the phone and only half an hour (okay, 20 minutes) instead of the expected 45-50 minutes. UGH. It really was useless. We didn't talk about telling my parents about the sexual abuse, we didn't talk about the bulimia, we didn't talk about much of ANYTHING.


MammaMia 18-01-2010 04:10 PM

Could maybe email her or ring her again?? :( *cuddles tight*

I think I'm still feeling ****. Deep down I know I'm having a very bad day, I didn't get out of bed til nearly 3pm :/

My best friend G, who was in hospital, is doing okay physically apart from her hip etc. Mentally, not so good. Nearly phoned an ambulance on her last night but thankfully she got in touch again and we had a chat and stuff. Her daughter's not very well today, poor love :(

My other best friend J, she seems to be doing good again today like yesterday =) It's 5 weeks now until I get to see her yay =D

Scarletdreamer 18-01-2010 06:41 PM

Aw Helen, I wish that I could make your day go better. At least your friends are doing okay... what happened with G's hip? Hopefully she'll mend quickly, both physically & emotionally/mentally... although I know that physical healing generally comes more quickly than mental/emotional. I will keep you all in my prayers. *cuddles*

I'm so tired... it's been a kinda busy day. My sister and I went to Walmart where I overspent... just a little but still, I hate it when I do that. I feel so out of control then, but oh well... :(


So I kinda feel like ****. Plus I had the chance to go to the gym and turned it down... probably should've gone but didn't want to, stupid me. Instead I'm going to do the workout that Vince told us... but I am scared that I am going to be rubbish at it... and blah blah blah, who cares... whatever.


SoMuchMore 18-01-2010 06:44 PM

*cuddles april, helen, and jet* how r u guys?

april - i wouldnt worry too much about what ur friend said to u. She cant understand your exact situation and everyone is different. Sorry that you had a bad therapy session. Maybe you could write it out for her like helen suggested.

helen - glad to hear that your friends are at least ok. Sorry you are having a bad day.

Swimming went okay-ish yesterday. I had a lot of anxiety, but i dont think anyone noticed, except maybe one of my friends.. who kept throwing me disapproving looks but didnt say anything to me. April, to answer your question, i usually cut on arms or legs, depending on my mood. It was my leg this time, i guess i shouldve thought it thru better... but i figured that it was january.. so swimming didnt cross my mind.
School starts again tomorrow. Im nervous, but i always am nervous at the beginning of semesters.

MammaMia 18-01-2010 07:18 PM

*cuddles both*

April, to answer your question, she had hip sugury and popped it out again last week :( I think it'll take her a very long time to heal, she's rather ill really :( But I still love her to death, though she can't understand why :( I'm sure you'll be good at the workout.

Laura, good luck with the new semster :) Understandabel to be nevrous and glad the swimming went okay.

I'm really really upset about few things, oh well >_> Not like anyone freaking cares anymore.

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