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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Absynnthe 19-12-2009 12:31 AM

*latches onto and stops from purging by sitting on*

My mum has gotten a new type of vitamin pills, which are kinda like sweets. They're yummy, but morish. o.O

Your trainer lives.... o.O Whoa. Let's a loooong way away.

ooOo! Do you keep a diary of what you're eating and when you're doing exercise? Try it, it's a really good way of keeping things under your control. And if you show your nutritionalist ( God I hate typing that word o.O) they can make ajustments! :D

*dances and throws confetti*

Scarletdreamer 19-12-2009 12:38 AM

Thanks for stopping me from purging. ;) In actuality, my husband's home so there's no way I'd get away with it. He's like the purge police... lol. And SI police. But I don't mind. I need that kind of accountability.

Yeh, my trainer lives that far away. Haha. We met over WoW - my hubby has known him for 3 years and I've talked with him since March, much moreso recently. We exchanged phone numbers and my husband and I are going down to visit him & his family the first few weeks in January. :) I'm excited and so is he (and so is my husband, although he doesn't admit it). It's going to be fun and I'm going to get my butt worked off. Haha.

I measured myself today - as my PT told me to do - and it was disheartening. :( I am so big. Ankles, calves, thighs, hips, waist, chest, biceps... I am awful. So gigantic!! That probably wasn't the wisest thing to do to keep me from purging... lol. Sometimes I can be the stupidest person ever. :-/

But I am going to keep a journal of that sort of thing. I have one that I had used for a food diary, and I'm turning it into an exercise/measurement/weight loss/food one. Heh.

Gahhh I hate eating disorders!!!!!

Absynnthe 19-12-2009 12:46 AM

I know how you feel hon. I really do. :D But the fact that you've an amazing husband who is the epic of SI/ED... Well, you're lucky, :P

The journal thing is a really good idea. Try not to focus on sizes, but on keeping your eating and exercise stable. You'll feel better about yourself, and feel more in control without having to purge. :)

Scarletdreamer 19-12-2009 02:27 PM

Thanks, Franz. :) I will try to do better... it's just SO FRICKING HARD!!! :( I just ate breakfast and it was a biggish one (we went out for breakfast)... urgh. Healthy, for the most part, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to purge. Grrrrowl!!!

I see my NP today. I'm afraid that I made her angry the last time I texted her, about getting FMLA paperwork for my husband. So... I'm worried about today's appt. But afterwards we're going to my parents' house for lunch - my sister is home for the hols - and then we're going to get our tree after lunch, and then go out to dinner to celebrate my sister's birthday (today) and my husband's (1 January). Woohoo. More food. >_< Just what I need!!!! :(

Oh well. The tree thing will be fun, I think. I hope. :-/

*hugs everyone*

one_step_closer 19-12-2009 02:36 PM

I don't think I can stay alive for much longer.

Absynnthe 19-12-2009 06:15 PM

Why why? :(

And April (Bwahaha, profile ninja...) Don't feel bad about wanting to purge. D; My parents fed me a fry up today, and I ate half of it before deciding that it was really too much... >.< Then spent the rest of the day trying not to be sick. They're like, "You seem spaced out and distracted, what's up?" Uh, I'm a whale. Whaddya think's up?

BoundNoMore 19-12-2009 08:08 PM

*looks around nervously*

Umm... hi?

I haven't been here in a while and I'm not sure if anyone even remembers me.

Absynnthe 19-12-2009 08:19 PM

*sidles up to BoundNoMore*

*offers teddybear*

I are slightly new to this thread, so hihi! :)

Scarletdreamer 19-12-2009 08:40 PM

One step closer, what's up, love? *big hugs*

Haha Franz... my name is right under my screenname... at least, I think it is!! It should be... :P But yes yes, you can call me April. :) Nice to know people's first names. It makes the forums more personable.

What's a fry up? And yeh, had lunch over at my parents' and didn't even manage to eat a whole quesadilla before feeling like I had to, well, you know. :( So I held my husband's hand and all. I had to go to the bathroom after eating so I had him stand outside of the door. Silly me. :( And I'm sure that you're not a whale. *hugses*

Hi Amanda *hugs* and welcome to the thread!! I'm relatively new to it as well... but that's fine. How are you doing today?

Appt with my NP went okay... although she said that she is concerned about the urges to purge. I can understand that as they have pretty much blindsided me (you'd think that they'd be gone somewhat now that ALL my stress is gone?)... I see my N on Wednesday and I'm effing SCARED. :( She (NP) thinks that seeing a nutritionist ("N") is vital to my recovery. I happen to disagree... I mean, I could get one of those scales that show % of body fat and lean muscle, and take care of myself. (Yeah, right... well, I could with the help of my trainer!!)

Anyway. We're going out to eat in a few hours... oh joy. MORE FOOD. And today I got the urge to binge... for one of the first times. I hate myself so much... :(

Absynnthe 19-12-2009 09:09 PM

Nuuuh, don't hate yourself April. Even if you don't feel beautiful on the outside, from what i gather you're very beautiful on the inside. :) You have a gorgeous personality. :)

I did the bad thing. :( I'm babysitting and they left me pizza, which I ate, then.. >.< Yuck yuck.

Scarletdreamer 19-12-2009 11:24 PM

There's a pic of me in one of the picture threads, on page 10 I think... just posted it last night. Hrm but I really do think I'm ugly, outside AND inside. :( And I don't think that I have a good personality either. But that's just me being biased. Maybe.

Rofl, just noticed your sig. Thanks for putting me in it... *blushes* Never been in anyone's sig before. I feel special. :)

I don't think that there is any point in me seeing my N anymore. I'm not ready to recover, plain and simple. (LOSER whispers the voice in my head) I can't stick to his meal plans, I can't lose the weight I've gained, I can't exercise enough... I just CAN'T. And my husband thinks that I just need to apply myself more to it... he doesn't get EDs. And I don't think that anyone who's never had an ED will ever really understand them.


Hey Franz, how old are you? Just curious. :) If you don't want to say, that's okay. It doesn't really matter anywho.

Awww *hugs* that's rough about the pizza. Don't know what else to say but I'm sending you hugs!!! How old is/are the kid(s) you're babysitting?


whispering girl 20-12-2009 12:26 AM

my psychologist is making me see a psychiatrist. she keeps saying i should and gave me numbers to call. was procrastinating and she just pulled out her phone this week and called one and passed it to me. i have to go this week now. i'm so afraid to go. they put the appointment about an hour before my therapy this week. :(

Absynnthe 20-12-2009 07:21 AM

18. >.< So I am legally allowed to be on the Vets bit, as it's for 18+.. D; Oh dear, now people are going to be like, "Wtf are you on? You're a child!" Though apparently I've been told I'm quite mature for my age emotionally, even if I act like a 5 year old on a sherbet trip...

And the girl is 10, the boy is 4, 5 on Dec 25th :) They're sweet, even if the boy woke up at 3:00 this morning to complain that he had a tummy ache and to give him medicine... >.>

Mind you, 60 for me. :D So i'm good!

And Cheryl, if you don't feel up to going, give them a call and re arrange it for another day maybe? I don't think that having them in the same day will be particuarly good for you... Good luck hun, keep us updated. xx

Scarletdreamer 20-12-2009 11:16 AM

Cheryl, I actually think it's good that you have your psych appt before therapy, because then in therapy you can process how you feel about it, how it went, etc. I don't know though - therapy might be too tough for you to have them on the same day. However, I know that it helped me to be able to talk with my T about how things went with my first appts with different psychs. So it depends, I guess. Just an idea. :) *hugs*

Franz *hugs* aww 18... :P I'm 21. So still a young'un here, but that's fine with me. I don't really look at people's ages as something that really matters, though. I mean, they can matter, but it's more maturity that I look for. My old neighbor's daughter is 16 now and I talked to her as I would an equal when she was 14, much less 16. So... well, I hope I'm making sense!! :P

Aww, the kids sound sweet... although pooey, waking up at 3am for a tummyache? Poor him and poor you. Heh. And that's a fair bit of money, right? Sorry, dunno dollar values as compared to pounds, but it sounds like it especially from your smile. :P

Hmmm... what else is going on this morning... not a whole lot, heh. It's early and I just want to sleeeeeeeeep. We'll probably be going to church then to my parents' place afterwards for lunch and then maybe some target shooting. :D And decorating the tree that we put up yesterday - real one, a Concolor pine I think, smells like tangerines. (I'm serious!!) I'm worried about the food but I think I'll be able to handle it as long as I don't eat that much. :-/

*hugs Franz and everyone else* :)

[Fog] 20-12-2009 12:05 PM

Hugs to all xx

Scarletdreamer 20-12-2009 12:35 PM

Thanks for the hugs, Banana... *big hugs back* How're you doing today??

one_step_closer 20-12-2009 07:03 PM

I've been out of hospital for about 3 weeks but I still can't stop thinking about how much I want to go back. It really hurts.

MammaMia 20-12-2009 07:30 PM

*curls up and rocks*

Sorry I'm not really posting much..

Scarletdreamer 20-12-2009 09:40 PM

One step closer (sorry, don't know your first name :-/), I understand that feeling... for me, at least, hos is a safe place where I don't have to worry about keeping it all together. I can cry, scream, or be silent, and not have anyone on my case. My meds are given to me at the proper times (mostly, anyway, heh), I get meals that I don't have to worry about prepping, etc. I have met some pretty awesome people in there TBH. :) Is that how it feels for you, or different? *big hugs*

*hugs Kiera* I understand that feeling, at least, although I don't know what's going on in your life/head at the mo. Am struggling a lot myself... it sucks especially because I don't know to whom I can turn for support. That's why I reactivated my account here and came back to post for support... figured this was one of the better sites for it. :) Do you want to talk about what's up? If you want to, you can PM me... *more hugs*

MammaMia, how are you doing? *hugs* It's okay not to post much... this is how I get my socialization so I'm gonna be posting a bit, but don't worry about not posting a lot. :)

I'm having a pretty sh*tty day... still really struggling with the urges to purge and my husband is frustrated with himself for not being able to make me feel better. Heh. So I don't really know what to do... I can understand how he feels that way but he really can't make me feel better... I don't know who can or when it'll happen but I've got the gnawing feeling that it's gonna have to be from inside of me. :(

*hugs everyone*

SoMuchMore 21-12-2009 04:28 AM

*hugs everyone* sorry no individual posts, I have read all of them, but my head isnt really up to so many replies. I'm thinking of all of you.

I'm so tired of going back and forth in my head between recovery and relapse. Thoughts are bad. I'm back at my parents house for christmas (winter break from school), which means i have to hide a bit. I also have to tell them that my boyfriend joined the air force... i'm so not looking forward to telling them b/c they will probably say something like "this is proff he is moving on with his life without you"... but its not true at all. My boyfriend and I talk about things all of the time... my family just doesn't believe me..

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