I just feel like an evil bitch. That guy, I've been talking to his girlfriend (who he led everyone to believe was his ex). Ugh...she feels out of place in the guild he and I are both in. She wouldn't have if it hadn't been for me. It's my fault she feels uncomfortable in a place she once gave her life to .__.

Too much stress and no great way to get rid of it... Struggling to stay SI free, well and struggling just to keep going adn keep from exploding. Plus the insomnia sure doesnt help either.

Work has got me staying up all night. I usualy keep my self pretty distracted. But a whole night alone in the quite is a great way to let all my fears and anxietys fester and boil inside. I kind of feel like I don't have to explain it. Everybody here knows exactly what I am feeling. Oh well.
B

*hugs Dayna* ~ You aren't any of those things sweetheart. For a minute there I was going to ask if you were the voices in my head talking to me because they say those things to me all the time.

*hugs all*

Got to make a big decision today .... and don't feel mentally up to it. Feel like a stupid, pathetic waste of space. *sigh* I guess you get that.

I'm pretty good at screwing up big decisions. Want to tell us what it is, I will chose the worst possible choice, and you can go the other way.
Really what's up. We are out here in the dark waiting to listen.
b

Well for most people it wouldn't be a big decision but for me it is ...

Normally I am part of a choir that travels away at Easter to perform in an Eisteddfod. This year I have only managed to attend one rehearsal due to my housemate attempting to end his life before the second one and my emotional reaction to that. Then I developed a phobia about going out at night which was quite possibly due to lack of sleep and the fact that I'm currently unmedicated for my mental illness. Now I'm on Xanax which I take 3 times a day and means that I don't feel safe driving at night. I have missed several rehearsals but am still listed as going to be going away for the Easter weekend ... tonight they start learning the movement/choreography for the novelty, which means that I really need to be there if I am going away ... and I don't think I am going to be able to do so. Secondly, if I go away I will have to pay something like $250 for accommodation and bus trip and so forth, that I don't have and am not likely to have, or stay with my parents. I have just recently had a huge blow-up with my parents that (even though we have started to heal) means that I don't trust them and keep thinking that they are trying to kill me. So, I don't know what the f*ck I should do. I want to go, but I keep thinking that it isn't a good idea due to the money and the driving at night et cetera...

I know, it's just a little unimportant decision, but right now it feels like the biggest mountain on Earth to climb. :(

Also, I haven't told my parents that I have been offered a surgery date which is for something like 2 or 3 days after we get back from the Easter trip ....

x_O *Hugs Kahlia muchly*

*clings to Dayna*

I'm real sorry about that. That is not fun at all to be in a position like that. You have every right to feel stressed out and depressed about being in such a position. Take care sunshine.
B

*cuddles every1 in the ward*

*hugs* sorry am late for work, hope people get to sleep and wake up ready to face the day *hugs again**leaves porridge, tea and choc chip cookies (home made)*

Sorry, don't have the energy to reply to everyone but I did read and I do care.

*Big hugs for everyone*

I just sort of realised that my life revolves around drinking. It's kinda sad.
:(
x

It's ok Arwen

Just look after urself there

Maybe consult somebody about giving up the drink? just a suggestion...
tc there xx

Well I am back...

I don't think I could give up the drink. It's basically all I do with myself these days, whenever I have money.
Now that I've quit smoking it's the only thing I spend my cash on.
I guess it's not too bad. It's only Friday and Sunday definately, sometimes Saturday and sometimes weekdays. It all depends on how much cash I have.
Which I suppose is a bad thing because I have to admit, if I had enough money, I would drink as much as my body can tolerate.

Enough about me. I'm rubbish.

Hello Katie!! *Hugs* How are you?

Anyone else gonna check in tonight?
xxx

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Can I check-in again...please?

People never really check out :) But yes of course you can :D

I'm sorry I vanished.
I know I'm rubbish, how are you?

*hugs all*

I feel like
And now I'm all alone again
no where to go no-one to turn to
Without a home without a friend
without a face to say hello to

Only I don't have Eponine's fantasy with Marius to keep me going.

Right now I'm struggling to see a point in going on. I'm sure I'll find one ... I always do. I just want all the pain and heartache to stop. I just want to "check out" of life for a little while until I can get my head sorted. *sigh* Pity you can't do that hey?

Sorry I'll stop whinging now.