Not sure. I am still here. But I have to go for a bit but I will be back.

:) Yeah I'm around when I'm at my desk.

I'm back.

I went to extend my house in Sims 3 and make it all pretty. :)

*Cuddles Crimson and Kitty*

Nice Sarah...I used to play the sims but haven't in a long time. I wouldn't mind playing it again but I can't afford to buy it and honestly don't know where my sims game went to. lol

I love the Sims just for building. I once made my own virtual psych ward with a nurse and some random people, me and Rebecca and spent months playing it. It was when I first saw Rebecca, when I had a dream, and I recreated everything perfectly from my dream. I keep seeing her and I keep hearing her. And when I don't, I miss her so badly. :/

Awe -hugs sarah-

I have never been in a real psych ward. I have dreamed about them and stuff all my life but I have never actually been in one. I know it's weird. Hell, I even used to pretend I was in one when I was younger. I'm all sorts of ****ed up in the head. o.o

Sounds like me hun, a lot like me. I've never been in one, but the one from my dream is always the same, the stairs scare me so much, but Rebecca always brings me my meals and keeps me company and brings me books and plays board games. She explained why there were no mirrors in the building and all the rules and stuff. She's so lovely, and very pretty. I love her hair. Lovely lovely haircut that really suits her. And lovely brown eyes. I found her bracelet online, apparently its a Tiffany one, silver cuff that'd been engraved with her name and a beautiful scroll pattern. I wish I could see her and speak to her when I wanted and not when she appears. Its so rare she does, but she'll let me know she's about by telling me she's watcking me and she'll look after me. I don't want to tell my counsellor about her or the doctors in case they try to take her away from me

Sorry I was gone...was eating and then my husband was lurking over my shoulder. I took the pregnancy test...he finally agreed to let me after I've been complaining about waiting. The results confused the hell out of me. It looked like a negative, but we both saw part of the second line of the + sign...but it wasn't a full line. I don't know if it's a faulty test or what. But I don't have another test, and don't have money for another one...I'm looking online for places in town that offer free pregnancy tests, but I'm not seeing any. There is a place about 8 miles away, but they don't have any appointments available until the middle of next week. If I am pregnant, I need to know as soon as possible because I would need to get on medical right away. If I am pregnant, I'm going to be high risk. I don't know what to do. I'm really upset about it. Ugh.

Sarah, Rebecca sounds lovely, really. I wish I could meet her. Do you think she is a spirit?

Anyone still here at all?

She could be, I don't know. Others think she is, who have had similar experiences.

*snuggles Kitty tightly* I hope you're okay, whatever the outcome, we're all here for you darling. I'm going to bed now, you take care darling, PM me if you need to rant or anything x

-hugs sarah- Ok.........night night..

*hugs all*

-hugs oliver- how you be?

*hugs Kitty*

not good, can't sleep, cut a bit ago, feel really suicidal.
you?

I'm sorry to hear that. -squishes oliver- Do you need medical attention? -offers protective teddy- Anything you can do to distract yourself from the suicidal feelings?

I'm not doing so well, either. Really want to cut. I want to die, but I need to find out if I am pregnant first. I have the plans already..... I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to find out if I am pregnant since I have no money. I'm freaking out.

*takes teddy* thanks the cuts are ok, not very deep, although I havnt cleaned or washed them or anything

*hugs Kitty* I'm really sorry to hear that, it does really suck in the american system with health insurance, although I moan about the NHS and it seriously sucks sometimes at least it is there and free.
can you distract yourself from cutting.
please stay safe, I don't want you to die, no one in the ward does.

I am trying to distract myself. However, I'm so upset, that the distraction I was using earlier (the "not right" link I posted on here earlier) is now triggering me worse with some of the images and sayings. Stupid things are making me more triggered. My doctor told me yesterday that he believes I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I did some research on it today and I agree. But he did not officially diagnose me with it, or offer any meds for it. I know there are meds out there specifically for it, and not just these anti-anxiety and anti-depressants I am on. But he didn't even offer putting me on anything else for it. And if I am pregnant, I won't be able to take the anti-depressants, anyway. I will have to stop them. I do hope I am pregnant. If I am, it will give me one more reason to live...and a pretty damn good one, at that. If I'm not, well, it will give me one more reason, but not a good one. If that makes sense.

-hugs oliver- You should clean the cuts and bandage them, my dear. At least to help prevent infection. But the same thing goes for you...I don't want you to die, and I know nobody else does, either. Please be safe...

-sighs- I feel like a hypocrite right now. Sorry..

*hugs Kitty*
I got diagnosed with BPD last moth while in hsopital.
I don't think there are any specific meds for it, most commonly they prescribe people anti-depressants and sometimes anti psychotics aswell, but I cold be wrong, thats just what the dr said to me.

please stay safe Kitty, there will always be reasons for you to live.

its ok, I sound like a hypocrite as well.

I've never bothered cleaning my cuts, except when a friend made me. its more of the punishment not cleaning them and sometimes I don't see the point.

*squishes Kitty*

I think I am more on the psychotic side of the BPD. I've never been in hospital but I have done some reading on google and found out that some people with BPD have hallucinations. I have Amara. I don't think Amara is a hallucination, but I know that I am the only one that can see or hear her. Most of the time I don't even feel like I am human. I feel so alienated from people when I go places, even to the local grocery store. The anti-depressants and the anti-anxiety pills are helping a little, but they aren't 100%. The doctor did up my dosage on both meds but I still feel like something is missing.

-spots and hugs solo- how you be?

Ugh the urges are getting worse..