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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Scarletdreamer 26-06-2010 11:17 PM

i feel... lackluster. no energy at all. numbish. really want to cut... really, really want to cut. but can't. am still so ****ing triggered though... my arms - my own arms!! - trigger me... i just want to curl up someplace and die.

i'm sorry for sounding like a broken record... it's just how i feel right now. :'(

but the young adult worship service is at our church tonight, so hopefully that will help pick me up... :-/

oh, and i got really triggered by one of the girls i'm "mentoring" sending me an email that had numbers in it... she's down to a really low weight... and it's so triggering, but i don't feel like i can say that, because i'm supposed to be "over" this by now... :'(

*hides in a hole in the warren* :'(

MammaMia 26-06-2010 11:27 PM

So low, it's unreal.
Why does this have to come back to the surface?
I have more than enough to deal with right now.
*curls up tight*

Red Sky 26-06-2010 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2372968)
i feel... lackluster. no energy at all. numbish. really want to cut... really, really want to cut. but can't. am still so ****ing triggered though... my arms - my own arms!! - trigger me... i just want to curl up someplace and die.

i'm sorry for sounding like a broken record... it's just how i feel right now. :'(

but the young adult worship service is at our church tonight, so hopefully that will help pick me up... :-/

oh, and i got really triggered by one of the girls i'm "mentoring" sending me an email that had numbers in it... she's down to a really low weight... and it's so triggering, but i don't feel like i can say that, because i'm supposed to be "over" this by now... :'(

*hides in a hole in the warren* :'(


hiya honey...sorry you're feeling so down... worship service sounds good though...i love stuff like that...hopefully it'll cheer you up. PM me if you need to talk. x x x x hugs

Scarletdreamer 26-06-2010 11:34 PM

thanks red sky (do you have a preferred name over that one? e.g., you can call me april instead of scarlet/scarletdreamer/etc.). i really do hope that the worship service cheers me up some... it's more of a time to get connected with God than anything else, but i really know that i need that time. anyway. yeah. :-/ how are you??

hels, what's wrong, sweetie? *holds you gently*

off to update my r/v thread for the second time today... :( feel like such a pathetic wreck...

Kahlia1981 26-06-2010 11:38 PM

*hugs all*

Feeling .... NQR. My housemate said I didn't smile yesterday. Feeling low, triggered, over it all ... I don't know. Meh.

Hels: Nice to have you back hun. Sorry you aren't feeling so good though.

Scarletdreamer 26-06-2010 11:42 PM

updated r/v... just for those of you who want to read. :-/

so anxious. so tired. weird combination.

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddles*

SoMuchMore 27-06-2010 12:09 AM

*cuddles helen* you're back! I'm sorry that you are feeling so low right now.

*hugs april and kahlia* i'm sorry you are both feeling so badly. I wish there was something I could do to help.

My PM box is always open to any of you if you need/want to talk.

jonikd 27-06-2010 12:16 AM

*cuddles April* I read your r/v babe, you need to hold on to your faith and take one day at a time. It sucks, but it is all we have.

*waves at Laura and hugs tight* how you doing now?

There's been a lot going on in here, thanks for the hugs that were left for me, always much appreciated :)

*Hugs Mark & Kahlia*

Special welcome back hugs to you Helen, keep talking to us hun.





SoMuchMore 27-06-2010 12:22 AM

*hugs JK* Not well... how r u?

... I'm so confused, and its getting worse

MammaMia 27-06-2010 12:23 AM

Sorry I haven't posted til now, did get back in the afternoon but was trying to catch up with lots of things.

*hugs everyone*

Why you confused Laura??

SoMuchMore 27-06-2010 12:31 AM

its a really really long story... i dont want to type it all out in here as i feel like it would just turn rantish and i dont want to seem/sound stupid. *hugs*

jonikd 27-06-2010 12:39 AM

*hugs Laura tight* I read your r/v hun. Try not to overthink next week, just take one day at a time [I sound like a broken record but that's what I say to myself every day!] I'm going through a break up at the moment too, its been about 8 months of one day at a time now, but I know there will be a day when things will feel OK, I will be a whole single and then I will be able to move on with my life and figure out who I really am without the alcohol and SI and drugs.

Hang in there babe, do something nice for yourself today, no matter how small 'k? You know you can PM me anytime [albeit I have limited internet right now I will check in every morning at the least]

SoMuchMore 27-06-2010 12:45 AM

*sigh* its not all about the break up tho.. thats just part of it.. I think I might PM you and see what someone thinks about the whole thing.. It shouldn't be triggering I dont think, I mean, not the problem/confusing situation itself, so no worries about that. Oh and don't worry about getting back to me right away if you can't, i understand that your internet is limited right now.

sdixon 27-06-2010 02:27 AM

Just checking in.

*Goes and sits in the corner rocking back and forth, wanting help, but to scared to ask for it.*

risenfromperdition 27-06-2010 03:06 AM

*offers listening ear* <3

april, could you ask this girl you're mentoring to not send you numbers? <3

*cuddles everyone*

silentgirl 27-06-2010 09:04 AM

"hides in corner"
Have got really bad thoughts and bad urges right now. Really depressed and in a bad way emotionally.
"shuts up"

Scarletdreamer 27-06-2010 01:26 PM

i'm so frustrated and upset and exhausted... i don't even know. last night was okay, but it wasn't what i "needed" - dunno if that even takes priority anymore, over what i don't know. selfish bitch that i am. :'( i just got angry about not being able to stop cutting on my own and how i have to get outside help plus help from God to quit... when i don't even know if i want to quit. gggargh!!!!

plus, daniel crapped on the carpet last night, so jarrod blamed me for not keeping his litterbox clean, and "made" me clean out the whole thing and take the bag of litter to the dumpster all by myself, which is really a 2-person job. i just finished doing that and i am exhausted already. got up around 6:15ish after getting to sleep around midnight. today's gonna be an icky day, i can sense it. and i ****ing need to cut. :'(

feel so stupid. need to die. or something. am so ****ing sick of myself. make it stop, someone, please, make it stop........ :crying:

Scarletdreamer 27-06-2010 01:37 PM

updated r/v... :'(

just want to die.

sdixon 27-06-2010 01:54 PM

I think I will leave the ward for a while, I just cannot be here right now. I am sorry everyone that I cannot help. I appoligize. I really hope that all of you can get better. I am sorry for coming in and just leaving, but I cannot be here right now. I wish you guys all the luck that you need and then some. Please stay strong everyone, you are all wonderful people that are just going through a rough time in your life. *HUGS* bye

wolfos3d 27-06-2010 02:00 PM

*big hugs for April*


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