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Doikers 09-05-2010 05:24 PM

Hi guys , I'm strugging to some extent , been thinking of a suicide plan , I'ts been .......I mean I feel that I'm falling into another depression and I don't know how to stop it . My plan has been rattleing around my head for a couple of months . sorry.

I'm gald you two are feeling ok , could you take a nap Kat?

katnovia 09-05-2010 05:31 PM

a nap is a tempting idea, but hazel has to go down for one first, she was up for 7 hours straight earlier so is extremely tired. then I have to cook dinner and pack for our 'family holiday'..*rolls eyes*

I know the feeling mark...not that i'd tell anyone here...because of hazel...i know i wont do anything about it...but it still makes me feel pretty crap. What you need to do is look at how the plan WONT work.

nicole94 09-05-2010 05:32 PM

*hugs mark* please dont carry out that suicide plan? is there anyone IRL that you can talk to and tell that you're struggling?

Doikers 09-05-2010 05:42 PM


What you need to do is look at how the plan WONT work.
I'm trying to force myself to think that way but it is SO hard sometimes . I'm sorry your feeling that same way Kat *Supportive Hugs*

Doikers 09-05-2010 05:47 PM


is there anyone IRL that you can talk to and tell that you're struggling?
I don't want to end up back in hospital , I am just hoping these feeling go away . soon. If I told any of my supprt team they might want me to go back to hospital, I'll just keep on smiling on the outside , it'll get better right ? It has too .......

SoMuchMore 09-05-2010 05:51 PM

*cuddles mark tightly* please dont act on any of the plans. If you feel like you are please tell someone or go to the a&e... You are an amazing guy. Please try to stay safe. You don't have to fake being happy.. thats how things get bottled up.. then you might explode all over the place. And yes, things will get better eventually, it just takes time. So hang in there hun.

*cuddles helen* how r u doing today?

*hugs JK* I really appreciate your reply hun. I'm sorry that you are struggling so much atm. I know its really hard to get caught up in here sometimes when the posts come so fast. But remember, if you ever need to talk I'm just a PM away.

*hugs kat, nicole, kahlia, julie, and lindsay*

I spy Oliver!

Ugh... studying day. I'm glad that I get done with my finals on Tuesday. Although everyone here is jealous that I dont have any on Wed-Friday. I can't wait to be done!

nicole94 09-05-2010 05:51 PM

really? they put you in hospital just like that? can i borrow your support team for a while?? isnt there anyone else like a family member or someone you trust??

katnovia 09-05-2010 05:55 PM

thanks for the hugs mark *huggles back* I try not to think on it most of the time. I just remember the story Jack told me about the guy who had THE failsafe suicide plan, and lived to tell the tale of how it failed monumenttally, and now he says he lives because obviously he wasn't meant to go.
I understand you dont want to go to hosp, no one wants to end up in hospital, but if that's where you've gotta be to get better, then isn't it best?

I spy an oliver

edit: Hi Laura *hugs*
edit two: i'm dumb

Doikers 09-05-2010 06:01 PM


really? they put you in hospital just like that?
I'm just scared that they would , I've spent 12 days earlier this year but I was in there 100 days last year , both times I was suicidal .............

CrazyHayley 09-05-2010 06:01 PM

ooh hello there my fellow wardies, 15pages since I was last in the common room!! Things have been busy and I seem to have stumbled in on a conversation with Mark having a naughty plan?! Please please please seek whatever help it is that you need Mark, even if it means having to go to hospital. It may not be nice, but its far better than acting on your plans. *super duper huggles Mark*

Ooh you know whats needed?! A super duper group huggle!! Ready?!.....

"GROUP HUGGLES!!!" *huggles all her wardies so tightly*

Gosh I've missed you guys and its only been a day and a half!.....I think.....maybe 48hours now.....anyhoo....

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 06:03 PM

It's okay, I'm here, I'm fine.............

Well no to be honest, I'm not fine. I got offline last night and went to take a bath, had a nice hot one, then went to the bedroom... and had flashbacks of the sexual abuse that happened in high school. It was really, really bad, the worst it's been in awhile. Then Jarrod came in after his shower and calmed me down but my NP didn't respond to any of my texts... so I'm waiting... they were kind of urgent texts. I don't know. I just feel so damn alone. Jarrod gets angry at the guys who abused me when I talk about it so I don't much, and then it just gets bottled up inside... I don't know. :-S

And Mark, I know you're not the only one that cares about me... it might sound weird, but thanks for worrying about me, guys... it means that you care... and that means a lot to me. I'm sorry that I caused worry though.

*cuddles all*

nicole94 09-05-2010 06:07 PM

*joins in the group hug, then gets out quickly because she cant breathe*
*hugs mark* i know how you're feeling, but do you think it is best to tell them? i mean if they admit you to hospital it might help you, no matter how bad it is at the time.
*hugs april* sorry you're feeling crap and that you had bad flashbacks, i know how awful they are, just remember we ALL care, and are here if you need to talk *extra tight hugs*

katnovia 09-05-2010 06:07 PM


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2287403)
I'm just scared that they would , I've spent 12 days earlier this year but I was in there 100 days last year , both times I was suicidal .............

wow. efficiency. I've attempted suicide about eight times , and attempted to kill my hubby once during the third time..i've stayed in hospital...once, for one night, the very first attempt way back when I was 15. The time I tried to kill jack, the police took me up the hospital with him, but only because they were giving me a lift! the hospital sent me home to my parents house with him, even though i'd moved out and they were part of the cause! He's even taken me in on a section 136 (he's a cop), and his collegue said in the car on the way up the hospital, 'they wont section her, she's too lucid, just take her into a&e as suicidal, we wont put this on record'

*joins in group hug* Hi april, hi hayley. I'm sorry you had flashbacks april *huggles tight safe hugs*

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 06:08 PM

Wow busy ward... lots of people looking/reading anyway... *spies a Hayley, Nicole, Oliver, Kat, and Mark* :)

Mark, please get the help you need, reiterating what others have said. I care about you - and all of you - too much to just "let" you attempt. Please, love. Get the help that you need!! *cuddles tight*

Doikers 09-05-2010 06:16 PM

I'm so sorry to have caused such concern , I'm feeling suicidal yes , but I am trying SO hard not to act on it . It comes over me in waves , anyone get that?. Thankyou everyone for your supportive words . I'm sorry I don't know what else to say :S

CrazyHayley 09-05-2010 06:19 PM

*huggles April* I wish I could take away the flashbacks from you....from all of us who have sufferred sexual abuse, well, any abuse. All I can say is that I understand, but you have to have faith in yourself that you're stronger than the flashbacks, they are horrific memories from the past, but somehow you need to focus on a way to see that you're safe with jarrod in the present. Does that make any sense?! I don't know. I just know that when I have my nightmares now, Eoghan finds a way to calm me and make me feel safe. It wasn't that way when we first got together, I didn't want him any where near me and I just wanted a vodka (or four) and a fag (or ten). Sorry I'm waffling. Its just I want to be helpful cos I care about you, but I don't know how to do it....

*waves fan (pretty oriental style) by nicole* sorry my group huggle made it hard for you to breathe. I'll make sure you can be on the very outside in future, involved but not smothered, ok? I want you to feel cared for, not contained.

*huggles Kat* haha, it seems we're keeping you busy on the editing front this evening. And oh boy thats crappy bout the lack of help when you've been suicidal before. How's baby hazel-gracie bumps? Behaving herself for mummy? I hope so!

Yes April, lots of people busy reading and wandering around the ward, I've about 11pages still to catch up on. Its good to keep my mind occupied.

nicole94 09-05-2010 06:19 PM

*hugs mark* we're all just worried about you and want to make sure you're ok, better safe than sorry. it doesnt matter that you've caused concern, we'd rather you told us that sufferd in silence and bottled it all up.

katnovia 09-05-2010 06:20 PM

I get that mark, just keep your head up above those waves, and we'll try to be your lifeboat crew.

i spy an oliver again, playing peekaboo

edit: how'd you two sneak in before I got that posted again!? will respond in new message because i can't remember what I wanted to write

katnovia 09-05-2010 06:24 PM

*huggles hayley back* yeah, no support down here for mental health issues. i've been to counselling four times in nine years. she's being good, sleeping is getting much better! :)

nicole94 09-05-2010 06:27 PM

*hugs hayley* thanks, it was a bit scary in there!
*hugs kat* i know what you mean about of the lack of help for people with MH issues! its the same here.

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