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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 26-03-2010 11:19 AM

I don't have a job no. It ****ing sucks. I had a temporary one last December, but they couldn't keep anyone on as there's no jobs. Damm recession. So if I get this, it'll help hopefully. Don't worry about last night too much sweet? Don't really feel that much better to be honest.

*cuddles* Posting it in your R/V sounds like a good idea to help you. Please look after yourself sweetheart if you're going to get through last few weeks and graduate, you need to least try :( *cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 11:29 AM

Posted several things in my r/v thread, if anyone cares to take a look. Is probably sui trig but that's no surprise!!!

This semester is awful... I do need to take care of myself if I'm going to make it through but honestly I don't know how to take care of myself the best ways that I can...

I am so tired. And I have to be someplace in a bit so I can't go lie down for awhile or anything. REALLY want to SI... but don't want it to go too far...


Doikers 26-03-2010 11:54 AM

*Throws hugs about*
I'll probably post properly later , I have the urges pretty strong right now , it's taking a lot of effort to distract myself :S

MammaMia 26-03-2010 12:03 PM

*cuddles you both* Please try stay safe =)

Will try read your rant thread in a bit April

Doikers, want to talk about what's triggering you?

Doikers 26-03-2010 12:12 PM

I just AM triggered, it's been like this for almost 2 weeks and not having harmed yesterday has sort of intenseified it , Does that make sense?
I'm online ,
Got music blaring ,
Been for a walk ,
Bought more fruit than I can afford but am planning to just eat raw fruit for a bit as I'm concerned about my weight.
In short I'm doing all I can think of to stay distracted but its HARD ugh.
So hard I'm not sure it's worth it , it's bound to catch up to me soon ......

Yesterday my nurse gave the advice to "Just Stop" , as if it were so easy. She also wants me to try harder so I put in a huge effort yesterday....

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 12:37 PM

Well done, Mark, for putting forth a huge effort yesterday. That's awesome. :) It is so hard to quit an addiction like SI... so many of us understand. *cuddles up next to* Things will be okay... we will be alright... we're a tough bunch.

How you doing, Hels? *cuddles*

I'm a little better... cancelled my eye doctor's appt for today and rescheduled for sometime in May... not ideal but oh well. *sigh* But Jarrod is on his way home from work now due to me not being well and just wanting to sleep/escape from life/die... so yeah. That's good and bad. Means he's using up his vacation time (bad) but also means that I have support & accountability at home (good, obviously). So I feel kind of bad... but oh well. Am used to that by now...

Am drinking some cappuccino... hopefully it will cheer me up. :-/

Don't want to go to uni today.


CrazyHayley 26-03-2010 01:29 PM

*group huggles all in ward*

I've just read through all the posts since I went to bed last night and as I read them I have replies in my mind but they won't stay there. I've just typed a long email to a friend. I think I may have used up my brain power for now. So I'm going to think about having something to eat (not eaten since 6.30pm yesterday) maybe that'll clear my head...

So yeah, I am thinking of you all and sending you comfort and support the best I can at the moment. *extra group huggle*

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 02:07 PM

*cuddles Hayley*

*cuddles everyone else*

Doikers 26-03-2010 03:05 PM

I capitulated.
I cut.
To be honest I NEEDED too.
I hate to admit it but I feel better for it.
I KNOW in a little while I am going to beat myself up over it , I can already notice the thoughts forming.
But the urge, THAT horrible urge has lessened , although not entirely gone.

I don't know how to feel ......... I'm FAR from happy , Darn I can't think of the words again !

borntobleed 26-03-2010 03:26 PM

i have been very withdrawn latley and no one has seem to notice. *look around the ward make sure there is no staff* i say goodbye to everyone and walks away. im giving up, everyone else has won i hope there happy, i wont be around anymore, i need to go to a place of peace, i cant fight anymore. sorry

Doikers 26-03-2010 03:34 PM

*Hugs borntobleed* I'm sorry you're feeling so awful :(

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 04:53 PM

Borntobleed, hon, you really do need to keep fighting, because it WILL get better. I know, I know, hypocritical of me to say so when I myself am so close to the edge, but please, don't give in to the urges. Keep living, keep fighting, keep posting. You can make it. I/we believe in you... *holds you close* I'm sorry that no one around you has noticed that you have been withdrawn lately... people can be very oblivious much of the time.

Mark, I'm sorry that you ended up SI'ing... :( How are you feeling now?? (still relieved or feeling guilty, etc.?)

I'm so exhausted yet I can't sleep... I just tried. Hubby and I just got back from a looong walk into town to mail off a script for Klonopin and get lunch and chocolate (CHOCOLATE!!!! *shares Godiva gems with everyone in the room who wants them*)... so that might be what's keeping me awake, I don't know. I also just texted my NP to let her know that I made an appt with the SW that she had set up for me yesterday to talk with...

I don't know if I can do this. :(

Doikers 26-03-2010 05:19 PM

April , I don't know how to feel still, I do feel guilty that I gave into the urge , I'm triggered again ( Although to a lesser degree so far) by I don't know what :S
I want to earn my one month free braclet again but that goal seems so far away from me right now . sorry to whine .

SoMuchMore 26-03-2010 05:20 PM

I am such an idiot..

*hugs everyone* sry im not up to individual replies right now.

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 05:26 PM

Mark, love, you're not whinging. :) *hugs*

LauraStar, hon, what's up? *gently holds you*

SoMuchMore 26-03-2010 05:35 PM

I am an idiot for wasting 4 years of my life and letting myself be manipulated to the degree that i was... I'm almost impressed on how deeply pre-determined everything my ex did over the last 6 months or so. I am so angry, and for more than just what he did to me... screw me... he almost drove one of my friends to suicide by manipulating her into thinking she was trying to sabotage his cheating by being friends with me... God... He is such an as*hole... I am so stupid that i didn't see any of this... He didnt even man up and tell me himself why he broke up with me... i found out a month after the fact from someone else... I was to kick him in the face...

Sorry, rant over.

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 05:42 PM

Awh sweetie... *gentle cuddles* I'm so sorry that he was so manipulative and shitty towards you, but please don't blame yourself for it. People like that are very clever at hiding what they do... it's not your fault that you didn't spot it. There will be someone else out there for you - someone better, much much better - keep that in mind. I know it's not much consolation now after 4 years of really liking/loving someone... and I don't blame you at all for wanting to kick him in the face. I'd want to kick him somewhere else, but we won't go there... lol. He didn't deserve you... you are worth so, so much more. Try to hold that close and tell yourself that when you're down on yourself. There will be someone else out there who will value you much, much more. *more cuddles*

MammaMia 26-03-2010 05:46 PM

*cuddles everyone and falls back to sleep*

Guess I'm not sleeping tonight then? :/

Oh & I didn't get the job :(

Scarletdreamer 26-03-2010 05:49 PM

Awh Hels, I'm sorry that you didn't get the job. :( *cuddles lots* Did they say why not or was it just a "sorry, you didn't get the job" sort of thing?

I'm tired too... just lay down a bit ago but couldn't fall asleep. Wanted to though - escapism. Jarrod's home and he's dying of boredom, poor fellow... :( I feel bad. He's going to take a furlough if he can (unemployment here we come... but we'll still have health insurance) and I'm scared that he'll be bored awfully then as well. :( And it's for me, too, that he's doing this. Basically, home care. I don't know what to think...

Sorry, that was a ramble...


SoMuchMore 26-03-2010 05:52 PM

I know.. i know all this... he was a really shitty boyfriend especially considering all the cheating and lying... it just sucks b/c i was just getting okay with the whole we broke up thing and was trying to kinda be friends with him... and then this gets dropped on me and i feel dumped all over again and way more pissed then ever before about it. I have to confront him about it.. im scared tho, b/c hes gonna make it to be everyone's fault but his own.

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