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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

one_step_closer 18-07-2019 04:18 PM

There is a huge amount going on right now, no wonder you feel overwhelmed. Keep going. What do you have to do next?

chinahorse 19-07-2019 08:21 PM

I'm at my mums. Managed to sign the contract, get keys cut and picked up the van.

one_step_closer 20-07-2019 11:31 AM

How are you getting on at your Mum's?

nonperson 21-07-2019 07:15 PM

Hope moving is going as stress-free as possible. <3

chinahorse 23-07-2019 02:39 AM

I want to die. I can't sleep and have a headache from crying so much.

Juella 23-07-2019 02:54 AM

I'm sorry things are so tough right now. I see you are in a lot of pain and have a lot on your plate, and you must really want some respite. Please, don't lose hope, it can get better. Both the physical and the emotional pain can and will ease. Can you get in touch with someone supportive IRL to tell them how you feel?

chinahorse 23-07-2019 03:06 AM

I called a friend tonight. She helped a bit and listened to m be pathetic. My best friend is away though and it's her I need.

I should never have moved. I'm a pathetic looser who is dependant on others.

I can't even register at the drs until Wednesday. Then I can only get appointments on Wednesdays.

one_step_closer 23-07-2019 11:10 AM

You're bound to feel emotional at this point, you're not a pathetic loser and hopefully with time you will settle after the move and it could be really good for you. I'm glad that you spoke to your friend. When will you be able to speak to your best friend? How are you doing now?

chinahorse 25-07-2019 10:39 PM

I should never have come here. I could really use someone to talk to irl about how out of my depth I am. I'm trying to be positive. But I'm so so close to cutting.

nonperson 25-07-2019 11:18 PM

It's still early days, you've made some huge changes all at once and it will naturally take time to get used to. Things weren't good where you were before so would you really rather be in that place or this new place which has the potential for things to improve? I'm glad you're trying to be positive. What is it you're out of depth with? Will cutting really help?

chinahorse 26-07-2019 06:34 AM

That is true np. Things have the potential to improve here it just all feels so alien and I have no friends.

I'm out of my depth with the new job. I'm going to get my text book out today and try and decipher what I have to do with some equipment etc.

Cutting here would be a disaster. I'm not even sure if the MIU here would treat it as I cut severely. And as I can't drive yet I'd have to get the bus to a city to get it sorted at an a and e. I know its not the answer but it's how I cope. I have had no mh support for a while now and I'm struggling with the man.

one_step_closer 26-07-2019 02:39 PM

Did you manage to register with a GP? I'd hope you'd settle into your new job with time, are you really expected to know everything right away? Have you spoken to any of your friends again? Sorry about all the questions.

chinahorse 26-07-2019 05:14 PM

I feel like I should know more than I do for the job. I looked up some stuff in my textbook this morning. I need to look up some more stuff now.

I have a gp appointment on Wednesday.

The man says the watchmen are in the loft. The man says they are waiting for me. And they will kill my cat. I need to stop this. The messages in the radio are fuzzy right now but I hope they get clearer so I know what to do to purge evil. The man is saying I shouldn't take meds are they are iterfearing with the messages.

nonperson 26-07-2019 08:02 PM

You'll get the hang of your job stuff soon, I'm sure. Was looking stuff up in the textbook helpful?

Do you believe what the man says? I hope you're still taking your meds despite what the man says. He is wrong.

Auror. 26-07-2019 09:28 PM

I don't remember what mess you are on, but depending how things go with the new GP, is asking about a depot of any of them an option?

one_step_closer 27-07-2019 01:02 PM

Maybe the man is just trying to scare you since you're already feeling anxious and vulnerable. I think stopping your meds would actually make things worse for you. Please keep taking them and try and talk things through with the GP on Wednesday.

chinahorse 27-07-2019 06:00 PM

I feel like suicide is the only option. I am so sick of being alive. But I'm scared to die. I should never have come to this town. How do I undo this all?

one_step_closer 27-07-2019 06:02 PM

That's a horrible feeling to have, I know. Like being trapped in life. I don't think that suicide is your only option but I understand feeling that way especially when you don't know what other direction to go in. Do you think you might be able to settle where you are with time? What is it that you don't like about where you are now?

chinahorse 27-07-2019 06:03 PM

Im so out of my depth with my new job. I don't like it I seem to just be so shit.

chinahorse 27-07-2019 06:03 PM

`I miss my friends.

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