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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

nonperson 03-04-2019 06:31 PM

Wish I had something useful to say that would help but just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hope you're staying safe. <3

Stellata 03-04-2019 07:17 PM

I'm leaving some gentleness here for you.

Sleepless123 03-04-2019 07:52 PM

This is terrible. So sorry to hear. Thinking of you.

chinahorse 03-04-2019 08:14 PM

I don't know what to do anymore.

I need to go to a and e again but I want to stay at home and cuddle my kitten. I'm a bad cat mum

Stellata 03-04-2019 08:20 PM

Your kitty would want you to take care of yourself and be ok.

chinahorse 03-04-2019 08:44 PM

I messaged a friend. And am on the bus. Friend is going to call mh team tomorrow. I'm scared I will loose friend for being shit.

I'm so tired. It's hard to keep going. Hard to keep working
Hard to live.

Stellata 03-04-2019 08:52 PM

Your friend clearly cares. As we do. I hope A&E help.

I hear how desperately hard it is. Keep going one moment at a time.

nonperson 03-04-2019 11:19 PM

Your friend wouldn't offer to call if you were about to lose them. I'm really glad you reached out and messaged them. Hope you're getting on ok.

chinahorse 03-04-2019 11:25 PM

Thank you everyone. I suppose that is rational about my friend.

I'm still waiting to be seen by triage at a and e. Been here over 2 hours now.

nonperson 03-04-2019 11:43 PM

Do they know how long it might be?

Did you managed to get much sleep yesterday? You must be absolutely shattered.

chinahorse 04-04-2019 12:06 AM

I didn't ask. Will just make me want to leave

I got a fair bit like 8 hours or so but am still very very tired.

Stellata 04-04-2019 09:32 AM

Did you get seen ok in the end?

chinahorse 04-04-2019 11:14 AM

Yep. And I've called my cmht this morning and made a gp appointment.

tamobhuuta 04-04-2019 11:15 AM

Well done I hope they're helpful x

one_step_closer 04-04-2019 06:29 PM

Well done Lillie. When will you be seeing the GP?

chinahorse 04-04-2019 06:52 PM

Saw the gp at 2pm today. Told her lots. Been put back on sertraline. She too wanted me back on aripiprazole. I said no. She's going to speak to psyche and try and get me more definite support.

Stellata 04-04-2019 07:13 PM

I'm glad to hear that.

Out of interest, because I'm on it, what don't you like about Aripiprazole?

chinahorse 04-04-2019 07:37 PM

I wad on it to make the sertraline work better. So when I came off sertraline it made sense to come off aripiprazole too.

Stellata 04-04-2019 07:43 PM

Ah right.

Fire Fly 05-04-2019 02:32 PM

Could you try anything else?

tamobhuuta 05-04-2019 03:53 PM

I hope your GP is listened to. How do you feel about restarting meds?

Are you working over the weekend?

one_step_closer 05-04-2019 07:02 PM

I'm glad things are finally being done and I hope they are useful for you. Are you not keen on being back on meds? How did you find Sertraline when you were on it before?

chinahorse 05-04-2019 07:07 PM

I don't mind the sertraline. It helped a lot at a high dose. I just don't want to be on loads of pills. And I'm on loads as it is.

I'm not working this weekend no. Meant to be going to a hen do but I'm not feeling able to manage it. Which makes me feel terrible.

one_step_closer 05-04-2019 07:10 PM

I can understand feeling terrible about not feeling able to manage the hen do but it's more than ok for you to take time to look after yourself. There's no point forcing yourself to do something if it might make things harder. Will the person understand if you can't make it?

tamobhuuta 05-04-2019 09:09 PM


Originally Posted by one_step_closer (Post 4215845)
I can understand feeling terrible about not feeling able to manage the hen do but it's more than ok for you to take time to look after yourself. There's no point forcing yourself to do something if it might make things harder. Will the person understand if you can't make it?

Take proper time to look after yourself.

chinahorse 06-04-2019 12:24 PM

I'm nearly out of reasons not to go to A and E. I can't decide what shoes and coat to wear. But I've spent ages making myself look nice and now I cba to go.

The cut isn't that bad. I don't think. But you know when you don't trust your own judgement? How do I know if its bad enough? What if they laugh? Its not deep enough.

The hen do is my best mates sister. My best mate is being wonderful about it which is making me feel worse.

one_step_closer 06-04-2019 02:57 PM

Have you managed to go to A&E? I'd hope people wouldn't laugh, but no matter what other people think it's important to get treatment if it's needed. They will know if it needs treated or not, it can be hard to judge things like that yourself.

chinahorse 06-04-2019 03:04 PM

I'm in a and e now. Well the fractures clinic which is a make shift minor. Yet again they triaged without looking at the wound and were horrible.

I'm so sick of being alive.

tamobhuuta 06-04-2019 03:06 PM

Please stick around, I know waiting is horrible.

one_step_closer 06-04-2019 03:09 PM

I'm sorry people are being so awful and not considering your feelings. Maybe just focus on getting physical treatment at this point, and hopefully you will get more proper support soon if your GP is speaking to psych.

chinahorse 06-04-2019 04:25 PM

The nurse who put me back together was really nice which helped.

one_step_closer 06-04-2019 05:52 PM

I'm glad someone was kind. How are you doing now?

chinahorse 06-04-2019 06:26 PM

I'm the same. Unsafe and sad and urged.

one_step_closer 07-04-2019 12:06 PM

How are things today?

chinahorse 07-04-2019 12:46 PM

Much the same. Sorry.

tamobhuuta 07-04-2019 06:49 PM

Well done for being here. I am glad the nurse was kind, you deserve to be treated right.

Stellata 07-04-2019 07:14 PM

I'm leaving a package of gentleness here for you.

one_step_closer 08-04-2019 01:54 PM

No need to apologise for your feelings. I hope this week is better for you.

chinahorse 09-04-2019 07:43 PM

Just a little update. I went to the gp for antibiotics and ended up telling him I was very suicidal because he asked. And I'm seeing htt tomorrow. I'm somewhat relieved that someone listened and got me help. Scared I won't be taken seriously though.

Stellata 09-04-2019 07:48 PM

I'm sure they'll take you seriously. I'm glad that you're getting help.

nonperson 09-04-2019 07:51 PM

I'm very glad someone listened. Do you know any of the HTT people? Maybe just explain things exactly how you did to the GP today.

chinahorse 09-04-2019 08:23 PM

I used to know some people on htt but that was a few years ago.

I didn't explain why to the gp beyond I can't live like this so I'm going to hang myself on day x.

nonperson 09-04-2019 08:32 PM

I'm sure you could say that and then expand on why.

nonperson 10-04-2019 08:18 AM

Hope it goes well for you today, Lillie. You deserve the help and you deserve to live. Thinking of you. <3

chinahorse 10-04-2019 09:58 AM

Thank you.

They are coming at half 10ish. So say 11.

I've managed to get dressed and brush my teeth. Need to drop a swab into the drs and get milk. Both of which are a 3 minute if that walk away but it seems impossible.

I'm scared htt won't help.

Juella 10-04-2019 10:42 AM

Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Hope everything goes well.
You are doing a great job so far. Please, take care.

chinahorse 10-04-2019 11:07 AM

They've been. Haven't made any offers. Said they need to talk to the team and the cmht. Have the feeling they won't offer me anything.

tamobhuuta 10-04-2019 12:07 PM

I've got my fingers crossed that they can help you in some way. Well done for telling the GP.

chinahorse 10-04-2019 12:18 PM


They called and are visiting me tomorrow. Not sure.

tamobhuuta 10-04-2019 12:50 PM

In what way?

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