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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

Stellata 20-03-2019 06:57 PM

That's not great, so sorry.

one_step_closer 20-03-2019 07:04 PM

I'm glad your Grandad is out of hospital, at least that's a little less stress for you. It's a shame you're having to wait so long for therapy and don't feel like you have the right professionals in your life at the moment. Would you consider asking if your psychiatrist appointment could be brought froward and discuss things with them?

Work does sound awful, they really aren't being fair. Are there no kind of representative type people who you can go to about work related things?

Would a doctor prescribe antibiotics if you spoke to them over the phone?

chinahorse 31-03-2019 01:23 PM

Someone give me a good reason to go get my sh cuts seen to?

Soft Kitty 31-03-2019 01:39 PM

Because it needs to be done and will cause fewer problems in the long-term. Plus bonus reason which I fear you won't believe but needs to be said - you deserve to be treated <3

chinahorse 31-03-2019 02:08 PM

Thank you, true it is long term gain and they will heal better.

I'm sort of getting ready to go. Had lunch as I will be there hours. Just don't think I deserve to go as I don't have a good enough reason for doing it in the first place.

one_step_closer 31-03-2019 03:12 PM

I hope you have managed to go. People get injured unintentionally or intentionally for lots of different reasons, and the feeling you have of not having a good enough reason to do it doesn't take away the fact that you need some treatment. Any reason is important.

chinahorse 31-03-2019 03:32 PM

Thank you for wise words. Ive just signed in. Going to take ages from the looks of it.

Eska 31-03-2019 04:34 PM

I hope you get seen soon and treated gently xx

chinahorse 31-03-2019 04:54 PM

They trI aged me withput looking at the wound again. Kinda wanna go home now. Am tired and hate myself

tamobhuuta 31-03-2019 05:03 PM

Try to wait to get the injury seen to. X

chinahorse 31-03-2019 05:28 PM

Probably got another 3-4 hours wait yet. The seats are metal and horrible. And my mood is slipping. I am trying to stay.

Soft Kitty 31-03-2019 05:30 PM

Gosh, that's a long wait :( you're definitely doing the right thing, though. If you start to get upset, do you know if it's possible they might let you sit in a quieter area? That's really bizarre that that triage without looking at the wound.

Eska 31-03-2019 05:35 PM

They've triage me without looking at the wound the last couple of times I've been, too.

I'm sorry you're facing such a long wait :( Staying is hard, I know, but it's definitely the best thing to do.

chinahorse 31-03-2019 05:37 PM

There is nowhere quiet. They've major building works going on. I want to leave now.

one_step_closer 31-03-2019 06:02 PM

Please try and stay Lillie, you have waited this long and if you need treatment then it's best to get it now rather than have all the trouble with infections etc and not being able to see your GP. Is there anything you can occupy yourself with?

chinahorse 31-03-2019 06:05 PM

I was silly and didn't bring anything like a book. I am trying hard to stay. Promise.

chinahorse 31-03-2019 06:26 PM

And now someone sat next to me in the waiting room is telling me about their self harm. All I did was clean her sodding glasses for her as she's an arm in a sling.

Eska 31-03-2019 06:28 PM

Oh Lillie, I'm sorry, that sounds miserable. Can you make an excuse to move away from her?

chinahorse 31-03-2019 06:29 PM

She's gone out for a thankfully.

Eska 31-03-2019 06:30 PM

Ok good, I'm glad.

chinahorse 31-03-2019 06:35 PM

She's made me feel like my self harm isn't bad enough and I should go.

Eska 31-03-2019 06:38 PM

That isn't true. You need to be there and you deserve treatment, it's important that the cuts get looked after so that they don't get infected and you don't have more trouble with them in the future.

chinahorse 31-03-2019 06:43 PM

They always get infected anyway.

Stellata 31-03-2019 07:05 PM

Take good care of yourself. You should stay.

tamobhuuta 31-03-2019 07:24 PM

How are you getting on? You deserve to have treatment.

chinahorse 31-03-2019 08:05 PM

I'm being seen and have promised to wait for psyche after. Going to have to wait until midnight. I cried when a hca brought me some water.

Stellata 31-03-2019 08:07 PM

Well done for waiting. That's a long wait though, do you have something to do?

It does sound like you need some tlc.

chinahorse 31-03-2019 08:11 PM

I don't have anything no and they're using staples which hurt. I don't want them.

Stellata 31-03-2019 08:18 PM

Maybe get some rest if you can?
Staples sound rough. I hope they give you some local anaesthetic.

chinahorse 31-03-2019 09:23 PM

Hah not for the big one. Was absolutely awful. And the dr was a dick so I was a dick back and made him get someone else to do it.
And now the long wait for psyche. In clothes that are covered in blood.

chinahorse 31-03-2019 09:27 PM

Don't know what to say to psyche. Other than I'm not suicidal but I really can't live anymore.

Stellata 01-04-2019 09:15 AM

How did it go? How are you doing this morning?

chinahorse 01-04-2019 12:11 PM

They were nice. I went home. Barely slept. Work has a medical emergency. I want to cry and go home and cut more. It's because it wasn't deep enough yesterday. The man told me it wasn't at the time but I ignored him and look where that got me.

one_step_closer 01-04-2019 01:41 PM

What did psych say? What happens from here? There is no such thing as deep enough or not deep enough, you are hurting and that's all there is to it. How is your day going now?

Stellata 01-04-2019 06:47 PM

I'm so glad they were nice. But it sounds like you still need some support. How are things now?

chinahorse 01-04-2019 06:52 PM

Psych was nice. We talked a lot which sort of helped. They said I should call to see what's going kn with a new cpn. Said I shouldn't have stopped aripiprazole myself.

My day has been rough. Spent most of it trying not to cry.

Stellata 01-04-2019 07:52 PM

When do you next have some support?

Yes, stopping such an intense med suddenly and on your own isn't the best.

So sorry that you've had a rough day. What can help you stay safe this evening?

chinahorse 01-04-2019 08:54 PM

Need support now. Cut again. Eating quiche.

chinahorse 01-04-2019 09:27 PM

I mean support from the cmht.

Soft Kitty 01-04-2019 09:37 PM

Yes, you do. It sounds really important to prioritise calling the CMHT tomorrow if you can, though I totally appreciate the time difficulties. It's so important that you're supported though. Do you have a crisis or out of hours team you can call when things are really shit? It's different everywhere, but I know in my town you can call the crisis team out of hours if you're under the CMHT, I was wondering if that's an option for you. Do the injuries need treatment?

chinahorse 01-04-2019 09:40 PM

Ypu have to be referred to the home treatment team. They're the only ones that operate out of hours.

I'm on the bus now. Just realised how short my dress is.

chinahorse 02-04-2019 05:52 AM

Nearly 8 hours in A and E. The dr didn't see the point in sending me to talk to psyche again.

I wish someone could help. How am I going to do a full shift at work on about 3 hours sleep last night and none tonight?

I feel so dreadful and alone and awful.

Stellata 02-04-2019 08:24 AM

Maybe you need some time off work, and some intensive support?

chinahorse 02-04-2019 08:28 AM

Wouldn't be able to afford to live. And the offer for intensive support isn't there.

Juella 02-04-2019 05:39 PM

I can't really say anything to make it better, but I hear you, I understand, and I'm sorry it sucks so much. It must be horrible to have to constantly pull yourself out on your own. I think it is really unfair that you aren't offered more support, you absolutely need it.

Is there anyone in your life outside of professional circles that you could turn to for support?

chinahorse 02-04-2019 05:41 PM

I called the duty phone and followed instructions to leave a message and no one returned my call within 2 hours like the message said. I feel numb. Tried to reach out for support and nothing.

Sorry I haven't replied properly. I don't know what to say. I can't keep coping.

Stellata 02-04-2019 06:45 PM

I hope they phone back soon.

What usually helps keep you safe?

one_step_closer 03-04-2019 02:23 PM

I'm sorry everyone is still being so unsupportive. How are you today?

chinahorse 03-04-2019 05:53 PM

So I called duty again. And then got a message from old cpn who I said I didn't want to see that I wanted to speak to her. No I didn't. That's why I called duty not her. And now she's not even in tomorrow so I can't even call her. I just want some help. I feel horrendous.

one_step_closer 03-04-2019 06:25 PM

Will you be able to leave a message for duty explaining that you need to see them rather than your old CPN or that you need to see them at least soon before you talk to the CPN? I'm sad that you are having to do all this reaching out with no one really doing much about it.

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