*huggles all*

It's after 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. :(

felicia, please tell someone =\ i care about you so much and wouldnt want anything to happen to you =[ *hug* message if you wanna

ergh. who wants to fly me to england so i can avoid thanksgiving tomorrow? kthx

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you can't sleep:(

*Hugs Heather* *Zaps you over to mine for a stay :)

My Mobile was playing up so I had to use Master Reset and it's erased all my saved texts:( I had some nice motivational ones on there from friends I have and more upsettingly friends I've lost touch with . Nuts .

I don't see my counselor or my psych until Dec 7. I know that's not too far away, but it feels so far away... So much for them thinking I'm doing better.

*Hugs Mark* I'm sorry about your phone. That sucks majorly. Can the company help you recover those texts or is that not possible? (My company has a backup thing that will recover lost things if that happens)
*Hugs Heather* I'm with you. I'd love to go to England and skip Thanksgiving.
*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you can't sleep.
*Hugs Helen and Nicole* How're you guys?

Felicia hun *Hugs* Please make an Emergency appointment , because you've set a date you NEED NEED NEED to meet a professional , Please take care .

Felicia, please tell someone about the date, or don't go through with it. I would hate for anything to happen to you, I need someone to complain about English with if I start it at uni. Of course that isn't the only reason.

Ian, I hope you're alright.

*Hugs everyone else*

I agree, Felicia. Please reach out to someone, they will hopefully be able to help.

*Hugs Lia* How are you ?

*Spots and Hugs Lindsay*

I'm wondering who would be the best to call. I'm about just to say I need to see my whole team at once, since it'll go through them all anyway.

*Hugs Lindsay and Lia* How're you guys?

Quiet ward tonight. I've just finished my theatre studies homework and I swear if I hear the name 'Brecht' one more time, I might throttle someone. Sociology now, oh the joys. I'm alright though.

I still need to work on my Brit Lit paper. No motivation. It's almost 3 PM and I still haven't really gotten out of bed for more than an hour or so.

*Hugs Lia*Who's that "B" person? Don't throttle me!

*Hugs Felicia*I'm sorry you have no motivation , me either sometimes , *Extra Hugs*

Thanks, Mark.
I need to call my psych, I need to work on my paper, I need to cook for Thanksgiving (or leave the US for the rest of the week... either works.). I cannot bring myself to do anything. at all.

Oh, and I second Mark's question, Lia. I was just slightly afraid to ask it. haha.

Felicia I think you should all your Pysch first , I'm concerned about you :S
Then you will have a time and date to meet your Dr, and that might help .

I know I need to. I know, but I'm still under care of the state from 2008, cause my psych hasn't released me yet, and this means I can be hospitalized like *that*, and words cannot explain how much I hate that and don't want it.

Some people find the hospital is a positive experience for them, but I can understand why you might not want it Felicia. Although I too am worried about you :S

And Bre*ht is a playwright/director. He was a strong supporter of epic theatre and believed that plays should not be for entertainment, but to influence society and convince individuals to change the world. His plays always carry a social or political message and he doesn't like the audience to believe in what they are seeing, he doesn't want them to forget they are in a theatre. An Inspector Calls is very Brecht if anyone's heard of it. Anywho...

How are you Mark?

*Spots Shad* Hey, how are you today?

Oh Felicia Hun , I've been hospitalised in the fairly recent past and I know how scary that can be but I think if you go to your Dr and say "this is the date I have set myself to die" they will see that you are trying so hard to help yourself and they can put in extra support on the days surrounding your date , thats what my support team ( well some of them ) did they were amazing . Remember , Hospital is a vey last resort , they won't admit you unless they think you are an IMMEDIATE risk to yourself or others . *Squishes*

I'm calling... This may be the only thing I have motivation to do, but that's fine, I suppose. I'm so nervous.

*Hugs Felicia* We're all behind you :)

I'm done with sociology now and have moved onto my word count for the day. NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is slowly sucking out my soul. I like having work to do though, it makes me feel as if there's a point to it all, and I am not just totally wasting my life.

Hey, sorry I wasn't on yesterday, I went to sleep! YAY! So yeah, also yesterday morning I finally went to the hospital, I've been waiting for this appointment for like 4 months apparantly... :blink: Well I've suffered with migrains for almost 2 and a half years so I got refered to the hospital instead of going to the doctors every month. I'm on new meds. They're called Propanolol. But they have... kinda harsh side-effects. They main ones being: Dizziness, blurred vision and they can slow down my pulse - which can lead to fainting. I'm only been on them a day so far. I've taken 3 (one at night and one in the morning, started them at night - supposed to take 2 aday).
It's what happened today I'm worried about. I was lying on my bed and I suddenly felt a wave of sickness hit me and a feeling of guilt and worry settled in the pit of my stomache. And then... I started crying.... I didn't know why though. And when my mom asked what I was worrying about, I told her - while sobbing - that 'I really didn't know', then added, 'everything'.
Was this an anxiety attack? What the HELL just happened 20 minuets ago?

*Hugs Shad* That sounds horrible , are the meds helping your migraines?

Failed an exam today. Not sure what this means for my uni career but it can't be too good. Kinda out of it mentally, been drinking more than I should have the past month or so and my head feels funny today.

Shadow - I've had a few of those recently, I just don't remember them and other people have to remind me of them.

Sounds like a lot Lia *hugs*

*Cuddles Mark* been a while :)

Felicia! *snuggles* hope you're doing okay x

*snuggles everyone else* sorry my individuals suck, not really with it... Sorry for not being about much either

yep, a little. In a week i'm allowed to up the dosage... I fear I may have to. Cuz I'm still getting headaches. And after.... whatever just happened... I feel I dunno.... blank. Like something is just.... gone.

Shad, I wouldn't know about anxiety attacks, having never had one. Maybe you could google them. Good old google never fails. *Hugs*

*Hugs Sarah* I don't want to sound like a nag, so I won't say much, but please do try not to drink too much, it only masks your problems and causes bigger ones in the long run.

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sure one exam in a whole lot won't make a difference hun :)

*Hugs Shad* Perhaps you'll build up a tolerance to the meds and won't feel the side effects after a short while.

I love google. <3 go google! I always say to people: 'Google it.'

I forgot to mention that my doctor asked me as a follow on from my last appointment - where i broke down and started crying about things at school - if i wanted the child and mental health psychiatrist and I said 'I think so' cuz my mom was there with me. So i'm getting one. Do I tell them about me cutting? well, being a recovering cutter. my 2 months free is tomorrow! won't they put me in rehab or something? or tell my mom? I don't wanna go through that. I don't want her to know or my dad. I don't wanna go to rehab or anything..... So do I tell my psychiatrist? What can I tell them?

I know Lia, I try not to, is not good for me physically or emotionally...

Only worry I have Mark is our uni has some stupid minimum requirements in each assessment to pass a module. They suck about it because most you can't retake either. Its a complete joke there.

No motivation to do my assignments either. I should go and talk to my tutor but he pretty much said he doesn't think depression isn't real so I can't talk to him and the course leader really doesn't like me because I keep asking for a photocopy of his notes due to my bad hands... If I could go back 2 years I would not have done this course where I am now.

*edit* Shad, perhaps you could ask them about their confidentiality policy and under what circumstances they may or may not contact others about how you're doing.

Shad: Propranolol is a beta-blocker - a medicine used to treat high blood pressure (and sometimes anxiety) which is why one of the side effects is slowing down the pulse leading to fainting. It's possible you had an anxiety attack. Everyone who has trouble with anxiety experiences it differently. It's probably best just to keep a diary (or something) to see if this sort of thing happens again, and if so how often and so forth to see if it is a side effect. If it is, it should hopefully go away fairly quickly as your body adapts to the med. Sorry you are having to go through it though.

*hugs all*

Going to the GP today. Going to get him to take a look at my leg.
Also, my 27 month SI free milestone is in approx 2 hours. :-) - partae!! :woot:

*Hugs Shad* 2 Months Tomorrow ! Thats great :) Anything you tel to your Pysch Dr is private and confidential unless you are 1) A Minor (But you can still ask the Dr if he/she can keep it private before you divulge) or 2) A risk to yourself or others .

*Hugs Sarah Just Because*

Way to go Kahlia!!!!!:) 27 months is massive :D

Congrats to everyone on their milestones, you're all doing so well. I avoid remembering my dates so I don't feel guilty if I slip up :p

*hugs Shad and Kahlia* you guys are both amazing with your milestones. I feel like I should make both of ya'll a cake, or cupcakes, cause they're more fun!
Sarah, I don't keep track of milestones either. I know I'm trying not to SI before my Christmas exchange with my roomie, cause if I don't SI, she's getting me a penguin pillow pet... but that's really the only thing I'm keeping track of.

Speaking of my roomie, she has a webcomic, and this week's story is something that happened between us, it's so funny! Anyway, she just emailed me the link, and I wanted to tell someone.

Yeah I apparnatly had a high blood pressure from stress.... eh. what can you do?

Felicia , What is a Penguin Pillow Pal? , They sound Fun :)

They're a stuffed animal that unfold, I guess you say to be a pillow too.
http://www.mypillowpets.com/pages/pillows/penguin.html
you can check it out on the website. That's the one she bought me, cause I think penguins (and panda bears) are the cutest things ever!

They are Neat Felicia :)

Thanks. I'm like a little kid sometimes, I really really love stuffed animals.

How's it going Felicia? With the phone call and everything.

I love google too Shad, you know you're screwed when google doesn't know...Two months free is really great!

And well done you too Kahlia on making it so far! Especailly since you've been struggling so much recently, you could have easily gone back to it and you haven't, you should be proud of yourself :)

I'm like Sarah myself, I avoid counting because to me, it's not a promblem. I will cut when the urge arises and hardly ever bother to try and resist. I don't see why I shouldn't and I don't like myself enough to stop. But I am getting better. I've found someone to stop for.

So cute. My new bag fell apart and my old one is almost done for. But getting a new t-shirt free because one of my almost new ones had a manufacturer flaw sooo I'm going to get a new plain black bag and dress it up with my old t-shirt, yay motivation to do something :)

I love stuffed toys too Felicia - one of my christmas presents is a giant Hello Kitty from Build-a-bear!

Yeah mine's a lot like Lia's, its infrequent but I don't really want to stop yet. I'm trying but I don't think my heart is in it yet. *shrugs*

On the topic of google ... have any of you seen this pic?

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:R...-insid.jpg&t=1

It really amuses me.

That picture is awesome.

I took the suggestion of keeping a diary. I'm sure my doc will be interested and possibley pass it on to my psychiatrist when i finally get one. My next appointment is on january 7th at 9:20am - go me, i remembered! So we'll see what happens, i guess. :)

Thats very funny :)

Lia, I'm going in on Monday, my team wanted to see me Friday, but being the holiday weekend it is, they can't. I told them I had a date set; and I honestly wanted help. And obviously, everyone knows I'm such a control freak, I set a date so I could get things ready and have everything mapped out for those who have to handle my funeral and such, so I'm safe for the weekend. Sooo... *crosses fingers* I'm missing class on Monday, so this better not have a turnout I'm gonna hate.

Lol Kahlia!

And good luck with the appoinment Shad.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ5GPB-7lL4[/ame]

Most awesome song ever!

I'm like that Sarah, my heart just isn't in it right now and I don't have much will to stop.

I'm glad you have an appointment Felicia, good luck and please do try and stay safe in the meantime *Bigs bear hugs*

Thats good Shad, my diary helps me from time to time.

*cuddles Felicia* I really hope it turns out well for you hun. We all care about you deeply x

Oh Lia if I listen to that I'll cry, I always cry my eyes out at Puff the Magic Dragon

Edit - 5 seconds in I welled up, 36 seconds in I cried. I'm so soft :p

Sorry Sarah. Why's it so sad for you? It's a song from my childhood and makes me remember times when I was happy. Ish.

Night Night My Ward Mates
*Hugs all who can accept and waves at those who prefer waves*

Night night Mark. *Hugs* Sleep well.

I'm 9 months free in just over two hours. Yay for Kahlia & was it Shad who's two months in just over two hours????

*cuddles ward*

I'm feeling really bad tonight & really really want my best friend. But she's really bad, maybe worse than me. I'm so selfish I know.