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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

one_step_closer 13-09-2010 09:04 AM

*hugs Mark* I know what you mean about being around family for a long-ish period of time.

I so can't be bothered with life any more. Daily tasks push me to my limit an dI have so much to do today: take my car to the garage, meet with my support worker to go to the gym, get my stitches taken out, pick up my car. And hidden in all of this is just another day. I'm sick of every day being just another day. I need friends and family but no one is around and my social anxiety makes it hard to communicate. I'm also scared about getting my stitches out because they are the only thing that is stopping me from self harming.

Doikers 13-09-2010 09:10 AM

*Hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry your day seems so overwhelming , Please try not to self harm once you have your stitches out , You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and you are worth so much more :) I hope your day goe's well Lindsay .

My day is busy to , At 10.10am I have to have Lithium bloods taken as my levels were the highest they could be without being toxic last time , Then I have to pay my bills , get stuff for my brother in law to put on my sisters cake , go to the cyber cafe to find a volunteer shift then home for lunch......Then 2pm meet with my befriending for people with mental illness lady , then 3.30pm meet my nurse ,phew!!

needhelp 13-09-2010 09:15 AM

dont think i can do this anymore the urges are to strong and my will to fight has depleted... they win i lose

Doikers 13-09-2010 09:33 AM

Hi Needhelp *Waves* Please be safe , the urges are tough but they don't win ever, just a little blip and then you win for all the days you don't S.I. .
Also My Ruin fan??

one_step_closer 13-09-2010 09:41 AM

Mark, you have a really busy day. I hope you can find some time to relax too.

Needhelp, why do you think you are losing the will to fight? We are all here for you.

needhelp 13-09-2010 09:42 AM

they always end up winning... i feel like im completely losing all control of my life... just wanna sit in the corner n hide n do bad things to myself

RYUU 13-09-2010 09:49 AM

Got up early Voices are so loud drowning then out with music dont seem to be working The devil is in control right now i have to cut

needhelp 13-09-2010 09:49 AM

everything i love i lose... everyone i trust hurts me.. everyone i need doesnt give a damn... my head is a mess... been fighting so long im tired and dont have the strength anymore...

one_step_closer 13-09-2010 10:07 AM

Needhelp, I know that feeling well but if you look deep inside i'm sure that you can find the strength to get through this.

RYUU, you don't HAVE to cut. No one can physically make you. You have gotten through this before and you can do it again.

needhelp 13-09-2010 10:09 AM

i shouldnt be speaking in here... i should shut up... hides in the corner and tells everyone to pretend im not here

shadowedsoul 13-09-2010 10:18 AM

Hugs everbody.
Needhelp: please stay safe keep talking it's all good.
*curls up in corner*

needhelp 13-09-2010 10:20 AM

shadowedsoul: i kno u dnt kno me and i dnt kno u but can i curl up in the corner with u i dnt think im safe on my own? u can say no..

needhelp 13-09-2010 10:46 AM

anyone wanna come be with me in the corner? curls up on my own knowing im not safe by myself

RainbowsAndButterflies 13-09-2010 10:49 AM

curls up in corner and supports people.
I'm pretty ok today offers needhelp a teddy.

needhelp 13-09-2010 10:57 AM

stands up and changes her mind n has to be on her own

shadowedsoul 13-09-2010 11:16 AM

Of course u can needhelp.*open arms so u can snuggle with me* if u still want to.

shadowedsoul 13-09-2010 11:31 AM

Erm nevrmind no point running from this,it's only delying what going to happen anyway.=(

RYUU 13-09-2010 11:46 AM

Am home alone wanting to cut so bad the devil telling me to do it

Doikers 13-09-2010 11:57 AM

*Hugs Ryuu* Try to be safe don't listen to the devil

*Hugs Needhelp*

*Hugs Jill*

shadowedsoul 13-09-2010 12:23 PM

Crap I'm crying so much right now, got really suiped thoughts running through my head. Thought speaking to my bro would help, but I really don't want to worry him.Sorry I know I'm a pain in the ass.

Doikers 13-09-2010 12:30 PM

*Hugs Jill* you're not a pain in the ass , really you're not . Why don't you type out what you wanted to say to your brother here? I will listen/read :)

shadowedsoul 13-09-2010 12:48 PM

Erm I think I messed up at work and I'm about 5sec from the high jump, and that probley not a big deal but I got a shed load of stuff to pay for,and don't want to put this on my dads shoulders,as he has enough to dealwith right now. Right now I want to dissapear of the face of the earth, and go somewhere and just hang myself. Can't deal with this. Bro I love you and I hate to do this to you, but this is to hard, and yes I know this is pathetic.

Doikers 13-09-2010 12:57 PM

*Super Hugs Jill* you're not pathetic Jill . I'm sorry you are so low :( PLEASE Don't go and hang yourself , You would be terribly missed by everyone here in the ward as well as by your family. Whatever happened at your work isn't worth it , You can be strong Jill *Extra Hug*

one_step_closer 13-09-2010 01:16 PM

Jill, I can hear how much you are struggling but keep thinking about your brother. That's what gets me through.

Mark, how are you?

Doikers 13-09-2010 01:21 PM

I'm crazed Lindsay , the Wales and West (My landlords) Engineer just called and is coming over (To fix my toilet flush) at 4pm but I have an appointment with my nurse at 3.30pm across town 15 minutes and I've rung her offices to see if I can bring it forward to 3pm but it just rang and rang so I've left a message on her mobile , Why is EVERYTHING happeneing today? I got a volunteer shift at the cyber cafe for 11am on wednesday , today is getting on top of me a bit *Bites lower lip* I'm getting Lithium / anxiety / stress shakes

How are you Doing Lindsay? I know you have a stressful day too:S

one_step_closer 13-09-2010 01:49 PM

*hugs Mark* I hope you manage to sort things out.

I've taken my car to the garage, which was scary because I never know if i'm parking in the right place. They have phoned and said I need a new radiator which will cost 69 plus VAT and work costs. They'll probably phone and tell me it's ready while i'm out with my support worker or getting my stitches taken out. My OT phoned to say that my psychiatrist has written me a letter to help with my ESA appeal and i've to go and collect it tomorrow. I briefly mentioned that I am struggling with thoughts of overdosing. I might get to talk to her more about it tomorrow if I can stay safe.

Scarletdreamer 13-09-2010 03:55 PM

I.can't.****ing.do.this.anymore.

Doikers 13-09-2010 04:15 PM

*Hugs April Tons* Whats up lil sister?

*Hugs Lindsay* It's good to speak to someone in person, please try and stay safe until you can talk to them tomorrow .

Well all my appointments are done with the exeption of the engineer (Who has popped out for parts for my toilet) . I showed up at my nurses office a half an hour early and she saw me after about 5 minutes which was good of her , It's good to talk to people who don't judge you for substance abuse and Mental Health issues , I'm tired and achey now I have no appointment to go to heh.

Scarletdreamer 13-09-2010 04:25 PM

*hugs Mark* I can't stand it. Jarrod's still not back at work (starting the 3rd week that we have NO income whatsoever)... I am sick sick sick of fighting... I feel like there is no point to doing anything... I haven't seen the point in getting dressed/taking meds/eating breakfast prior to 9-10am in the past few days (when I usually get ready for the day by around 7 or 7:30am after USUALLY getting up at 6am)... I'm ****ing sick of Jarrod coming to bed hours after I do (when you are used to sleeping with someone next to you it gets really annoying when they don't come to bed at the same time you do)... I don't know. Can I please please please give up? since apparently I can't cut or starve or binge or purge or over-exercise or do anything like that?????

:crying:

Doikers 13-09-2010 04:31 PM

Quote:

apparently I can't cut or starve or binge or purge or over-exercise or do anything like that?????
April Hun , you know that those are all self destructive things to do , Could you maybe speak to Jarrod and come to a compromise about what time you BOTH go to bed together and then stick by that agreement ,like early some days and later some other days?
Also,
Can you claim any kind of benifits whilst you have no household income? you may be entitled to some money , however small , I don't know the U.S. wellfare system but just an idea.
We all care about you here in the ward , please take good care of yourself :)

CrazyHayley 13-09-2010 05:02 PM

*toddles into common room*

Hey there my fellow wardies, sorry I've not had a chance to go around the ward and catch up with everyone over the past 5pages or so, but my brain isn't up to it right now. Thinking of you all and wishing that there was something that I could say or do to help ease everyones struggles though.

I'm worried about tomorrow. I've got a work focused interview to do with claiming benefits here in the uk. I know I don't need to worry about being a fraud or anything, I know that with my physical illness and disabilities alone, let alone mental health, they will not try and get me back into work. But that's just the problem, going to these things makes me have to own up to how ill I am. How I've not worked for the past 4 and a bit years, how much I miss my job (drama tutor at stage school), how I feel worthless and a burden and a drain on the NHS and welfare system....it just makes me feel so so low, pathetic, waste of space. Its after things like that, that i'd usually SI. Its been 14months (with a minnor slip up at the 10month mark) now since I cut, but I haven't been through a major trigger like this in that time. So worried. Blah. Sorry for waffling on. Probably would be better if I wrote a journal entry, as I'm not really looking for advice. Just putting it out there if you know what I mean....

*toddles round giving out huggles to those who want them before heading out to the smoking shelter*

SoMuchMore 13-09-2010 05:24 PM

*cuddles april, mark, hayley, helen, lindsay jill, julie, felicia, RYUU, needhelp, rainbowsandbutterflies, and everyone else*

Sorry i just kind of ran off yesterday after asking for hugs. I had to leave my apartment otherwise i was going to do bad things. So i just wandered around for a little bit before heading off to work. Still feel like I want to cut this morning but i'm going to try not too, at least not until class is over this afternoon.

CrazyHayley 13-09-2010 05:33 PM

*huggles Laura* Sorry that your urges haven't passed yet, but you've done well and been strong so far. I'm sure you'll make it through class ok too. Just try your best and use whatever distraction techniques that you can.

My brain isn't up to doin a journal entry, I also think it may be better to not think about the situation too much now, I'll only get myself all anxious and in a tiz-woz. Best to distract myself, I think a dvd and Reggie time may be called for, and then I can use my journal to help me get out my feelings in a safe way tomorrow.

Catch up with you all then, distractions and Reginald rabbit here I come!

RYUU 13-09-2010 05:52 PM

The devil is getting louder i try to drown him out with music but he is louder than the music

shadowedsoul 13-09-2010 06:05 PM

Cuddles all, today is getting to be to much, want to hurt so much right now. Such fuc@ing muppets today and I'm not up to taking there crap. Curls up and cries.

risenfromperdition 13-09-2010 06:13 PM

*hugs everyone*
ergh feel like ppl was staring when was eating lunch :/ cuz am yucky and shouldnts eat nuhuh =[

one_step_closer 13-09-2010 06:41 PM

*hugs everyone*

Sorry for no replies, I just feel so low. I still want to overdose and think I should just go ahead with it. (Or phone the voluntary crisis team and see if they have anything to offer.) But i'd rather just do it.

misskitty112 13-09-2010 06:43 PM

*hugs Heather* you are not yucky. You're lovely =)


I... don't even want to try anymore.

RYUU 13-09-2010 07:07 PM

* hugs one step closer * please call the crisis team try not to OD

Doikers 13-09-2010 07:15 PM

*Hugs Lindsay* Please please phone the crisis team , They may be helpful .

*Hugs Felicia* I know the feeling of not wanting to try anymore but you WILL get out of this funk , It gets better it really does .

misskitty112 13-09-2010 07:53 PM

Lindsay, I think you should phone the crisis team.

Mark, I hope it gets better. I'm hanging on to the idea of it can't rain forever. It's so hard though. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to socialize. I make myself do all three though, so that must be something.

Doikers 13-09-2010 08:06 PM

Well.....I'm bushed , to tired to cut , well I just can't face cleaning up aferwards so I won't cut tonight , not an ideal way to do it but at least .... you all know .
So it's 8pm just gone and I'm going to take my meds and off to bed , I feel like a bad ward mate leaving so early so sorry , I hope everyone feels better about themselves soon
*Hugs*

misskitty112 13-09-2010 08:24 PM

Goodnight, Mark. Have a wonderful night:)

risenfromperdition 13-09-2010 08:49 PM

night mark <3

*waves to everyone*

misskitty112 13-09-2010 09:05 PM

*waves at Heather*
I spy Helen *Hugs*

MammaMia 13-09-2010 09:54 PM

Wow been 3 & half pages since I last posted.

*cuddles to everybody* Please stay safe everyone or try to :)

Been a really busy day here :) Was in college from 8.45 (started at 9) til 4.15 (should finished at 4.30). Tomorrow I'm in 9-3.30 unless anything gets changed :) Loving is so far, this week is induction week :D Then starting course properly next week :D So excited!! Horrible journey home, but I eventually made it home safely. Luckily my best friend was already on the phone, so I didn't flip out TOO much.

Now I'm off to make tomorrow's lunch, sort my bag, watch bit of tv, get ready for bed & crash out. Probably won't post again til tomorrow afternoon, we'll see.

Oh & can you keep your fingers crossed that I get my bus pass tomorrow (well one bit has arrived already) so that I don't have to keep paying 3.50 for daysavers!!! Should been here by now :@ Will have to phone tomorrow if it hasn't turned up. It starts tomorrow but no good til I get the other part.

shadowedsoul 13-09-2010 09:57 PM

Aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!! Why the hell do I bother.

Kahlia1981 13-09-2010 10:40 PM

*huggles all who can accept them* - I really wish it could be more. Thinking of all of you and sorry that you are all struggling. :-(

MammaMia 13-09-2010 11:05 PM

Not everyone is struggling. But hugs for you Kahlia and everyone who wants one. Well suppose I am a tiny bit :/

SoMuchMore 13-09-2010 11:06 PM

*hugs helen* i'm so happy that you enjoyed the first day!!!! :-D that's great! Hope that your bus pass comes soon!

*hugs kahlia* you okay hun?

*hugs mark* hope you are sleeping well. Don't feel bad about leaving early. Stay safe.

*hugs felicia and heather* how r you two doing? how's uni going for both of you?

*hugs jill* what happened? you bother because you are good person who cares about others.

Graduate school research is terrifying me and exciting me all at the same time. I have to go ask people for letters of recommendation soon though. I don't really know how to do that or who to ask. I never really got close enough with any of my professors for them to know me, and I never really needed extra help, so I didn't meet up with them outside of class. The idea of even asking makes me crazy anxious. Stupid social anxiety disorder.. i know this shouldnt even be that big of a deal.


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